ᴅᴇᴀʀ, ʟᴏsᴇʀs • ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ᴋᴀsᴘʙʀᴀᴋ

: richie :

I sat at home, for the past week I had been just staring into the abyss. My humor was elsewhere and I felt like a mess. I would usually drink but I was too depressed to do even that. I decided to get up.

I looked at my shelf and kneeled in front of it, opening the cabinet and rummaging through it. Then I saw something that made my eyes widen.

"Richie's Sketchbook" I read out loud and smiled. I opened up the sketchbook and looked through my drawings. Most of them were stupid, funny, and silly cartoons. It made me smile. Then I got to the last page in my sketchbook. It was a picture of...Eddie. My smile faded and tears brinked in my eyes. I remember drawing it when I was younger. I traced my hands over the lines of Eddie's hair. It looked exactly like him and I remember spending weeks on the drawing, just to perfect it into making it look like Eddie. I carefully ripped the drawing out of my sketchbook and grabbed a pin from my drawer. I held the drawing up to my wall and pinned it perfectly above my desk. I smiled happily and I wiped away some tears in my eyes.

RING RING

I jumped at the sound but headed towards the door. I opened the door and a mailman or should I say girl, stood there. "Are you Richie Tozier?" She asks me. "Yes, that would be me" I responded with a slight smile. "I've got an envelope for you" She says and hands me an envelope. "Thank you" I said before shutting the door, I sat down at my desk and read the front of the envelope. 'To: Richie Tozier. From: Eddie Kaspbrak' it read. My eyes grew wide and my heart dropped. I quickly grabbed it off from my desk and ripped it open. Inside was a piece of paper. I opened up the paper and I saw the first words;

"Dear Losers..." I said out loud. I could already feel my heart coming up my throat. I started to read it out loud.

"Dear, Losers...

Wow, I haven't said that in a while. It is 2016! 27 years later from when we last saw it. I got the news last night and I decided to make a letter just in case, well, if I die.

#1: Hey Bill, I just wanted to say that I have always looked up to you. You were a leader and I've always wanted to be one but I could never be because I'm not emotionally, physically, or mentally prepared for that. Thank you for being such a great friend to literally everybody. You were always sweet and determined.

#2: Hey Mike, I just wanted to say that you are smarter and stronger than you think you are. You are also a leader. It's so weird because I can see you becoming a detective or a police officer. All I know is, that you are going to do great things in life. Thank you for everything.

#3: Hey Stan, Stan the Man. If you get this; I just wanted to say that you are literally the most sassiest person ever but thats okay because your roasts were amazing. I'm still sorry about your kippah. It didn't deserve what happened to it. R.I.P Kippah. But seriously, you were always very sweet to everyone you knew and you're the only one who understood me for not wanting to go in greywater.

#4: Beverly, hey. I really wanted to tell you that you are bad ass and strong in every way. You are such an amazing person and I hope whoever you meet treats you nicely because you are a really great person. You always helped people if they were hurt or in danger and didn't care if you got hurt because you just wanted to help others. So thank you for being a beautiful person on the inside and outside.

#5: Ben! Ben, I really need to remind you that you are extremely intelligent. Not only are you smart but you are a soft romantic, the ladies love you. You could never hurt a fly, unless that fly was Bowers. Thank you for helping us find clues onto finding that stupid clown. I hope you and Bev get married if I'm being honest" I read and I smiled, tears just dripping from my face.

Then I saw my name and my heart started to race.

"#6: Hey Rich, or should I say trashmouth? I have so many things for you. So many things, words that were never spoken. But now, I'm going to tell you. Richie, I've always admired you. Your stupid humor and fearlessness was amazing along with your confidence. I always jealous of that. I'm gonna miss the ways we used to tease each other. Also, still don't forgive you for snapping my arm back into place when it was broken.
But seriously, I have too many things to tell you specifically and God, I'm sorry if this bothers you but I'm not going to be saying every single thing I like about you because I have things that I love about you and I can't believe I'm saying this...I've always wanted to tell you but I never thought you'd feel the same..." I read out loud, my heart was beating out of my chest and my body and voice were shaking. I laughed at some parts and smiled at some but then it got serious when he said he was gonna say something he's always wanted to tell me. I braced myself.

"Richie, I love you." I read out loud and I covered my mouth, the air was knocked out of me and my heart exploded. My whole body felt warm and I was shaking like you couldn't believe. "Oh my god.." I said and decided to keep reading.

"I've loved you ever since we were kids and that sounds so stupid but it's so true. I loved your goofy glasses, your weird style, and your curly hair. Every time I saw you; I saw perfection. You might not think it but in my eyes; you were the definiton of perfect.

So, I love you Richie..I love you so much" I read and then I dropped to the ground in sobs. I started to read the last part.

"Now, I've said all of your names and I can't believe I just wrote this all out but, I love you all so much and if I die, please remember the good things and just know that I'm always here with you.

Also remember that...we're lovers not losers.

Love,
Eddie"

And with that, I fucking sobbed and it was ugly and loud. "I love you too Eds, I love you too" I cried, my glasses falling off my face. "I'm sorry I never told you. I should've and..and now it's t-too late. But I l-love you" I cried, my crying was gut wrenching.

After an hour, I finally for myself to calm down. I kept the letter and pinned it right next to my drawing. I looked to the corner of my room and saw his clothes that I took home. "Eddie, I'm really sorry man. I should've told you. I fucking love you...I love you more than you know" I sat on my bed and said. "And I really hope you're not lying to me when you say that you're going to be watching over me. Like jesus christ, maybe if you want you could haunt me? Because I miss you and honestly you could possess me at this point. I just really want to see you again" I said and laughed at how stupid I sound.

"I love you too.." I heard in my ear and I jumped, looking around frantically. I knew it was Eddie and I smiled with a little chuckle. "Ah! Oh my god! You little shit. I heard you" I said, sounding much more stupid than I did before.

I sat back down and sighed, thinking. "Wait! I have an idea!" I said to myself.

✖ An hour or two later ✖

"Is it gonna hurt?" I asked the tattoo parlor. "Maybe a bit but we won't be filling in much so I think you'll do great" He says with his thick Australian accent. I sighed and heard him turn on the machine. He begins to tattoo my upper arm. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would but thats probably because I was more focused on the results rather than the pain.

About 30 minutes pass and I get up from the chair. "You can go check it out over there" He points to a long mirror across from the chair. I get up slowly and head towards the mirror.

The tattoo was a heart with R + E in the middle. I smiled at it, brinking the tears in my eyes. "Who's the tattoo for?" He asks me. I turned around. "Someone I knew uhh...passed away recently" I responded and he furrowed his eyebrows with a frown. "I'm really sorry to hear, may I ask who?" He asks and I thought for a moment. "Oh, it was my husband.." I replied and his eyes grew wide. "Wow, I'm really really sorry to hear that" He says and I smiled. "It's okay. Thank you for the tattoo" I thanked him. "It's no problem, have a great day mate. I hope that everything goes okay with you" He says and I smiled at him again before walking out of the tattoo parlor. I headed home and rested on my bed. I stared at the ceiling for a couple of moments and then turned towards my night stand. I looked towards the letter and my drawing. I smiled,

"Goodnight, Eddie"

And with that, I turned off my night lamp and fell asleep, peacefully.