ASYLUM [5SOS]

GOODBYE

GOODBYE

Ashton

If being sane meant being alone, Ashton wasn't sure how much he liked it.

He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Niall had been gone for weeks now, and although he knew it was better, he didn't really like being so alone all the time.

He missed Niall, but he was glad he was gone. Everything was much less confusing when Niall was gone.

Less confusing, but a lot less pleasant. Niall, he realized, had told him to do everything he wanted.

Because, after all, Niall was Ashton.

Dr. Wright came in, and Ashton sat up slightly, turning to face the doctor. "Hello," he said.

Dr. Wright smiled. "Hello, Ashton. How are you feeling today?"

Ashton sat down at the table across from him. "Alright," he answered, his fingers tapping mindlessly against the table. "Is it wrong to miss Niall? Even though he was never actually here?"

Dr. Wright shook his head. "No, it's not."

Ashton's voice was small when he answered. "He was my best friend," he whispered.

"I know. But now you can go make new friends. Friends who will be healthier for you, friends that'll be able to help you recover and move on. Niall was your best friend because he was everything you wanted: someone who was always loyal, someone who always put your best interest first," Dr. Wright said.

"Those kinds of people don't exist in the real world," Ashton said sadly. "Otherwise, I would have found someone like that by now."

Dr. Wright shook his head. "Don't lose hope, Ashton. You'll find better people."

"But I'm messed up! I imagined my best friend for three years! Who's going to be friends with someone like me?" Ashton asked, pained.

Dr. Wright said, "Nobody has a flawless past, Ashton. Yours might be more scratched up than many, but definitely not beyond repair. You've been taking your medicine, haven't you?"

Ashton nodded. "Yeah..." he trailed off and chewed his lip. "If I don't take the medicine, will Niall come back?"

Dr. Wright frowned. "Most likely, yes," he answered reluctantly. "But now you know him for what he is, and I don't think you want him back."

Ashton shook his head and ran his hands through his hair with a heavy sigh. "Being insane was a lot easier when I didn't know it." He looked up at the doctor. "How can I move on from this place? I'm uncomfortable here, alone, without Niall. I only talk to you because you come in here every day. Nobody's going to do that for me out there." His voice trembled, and he whispered, "And all my regrets."

"Regrets?" Dr. Wright asked.

Ashton nodded, shaking. "I... I did a lot of bad things," he choked. "And... I always... Niall always told me it was the right thing to do... Except when I remember, I don't hear Niall's voice... I... I... I only hear mine!" he burst out.

Dr. Wright put a hand on Ashton's shoulder. "Ashton, you have to listen to me. This is not your fault. Nothing will change if you stay focused on your past. Your schizophrenia was talking and acting, and now, you are. You're in control now. You can't have regrets for things you didn't have control over."

Ashton swiped the panicked tears that had formed in his eyes. "Really?" he asked, his voice quivering.

Dr. Wright nodded. "You can only move forward. Just keep up your medication and work on moving forward. I promise it'll be okay."

"Okay?" Ashton repeated, and then nodded. "Yeah. Okay. Okay. Where do I start?"

Dr. Wright offered Ashton a smile. "By leaving."

Ashton raised an eyebrow. "Leaving?" he asked, stunned. "But I-"

"You're one of the most successful schizophrenia patients we've had here, Ashton, do you realize that? The medication worked incredibly well, and if you keep on taking it, you're going to be able to leave by the end of the month."

Ashton was dazed. "I can leave..."

Dr. Wright stood up. "I'll be back later with your medication," he said, and then left the room.

Ashton nearly collapsed out of his chair, suddenly exhausted. For sure, his mind was running a mile a minute.

He slowly got to his feet and walked to the corner of the room, the last place he'd seen Niall.

He lightly touched his fingertips to the wall.

"Goodbye, old friend," he whispered, and then walked back to the bed.