Keep Digging

Tension and Relief

Breakfast was just as dreadful as it was every morning.
Tortillas and honey...oatmeal would be a welcome change at this point.
Anything that wasn't sticky and cold and chewy, or had flies buzzing around it. 
Mr.Sir lined up each tent, alphabetically, to get out shovels for another day. 
Though the tents were separated by their letters, the pecking order for each tent was different.
X-Ray always had the first choice, like he was the leader of D-Tent. Maybe he is, he acts like a leader, or a step dad that doesn't want to be our step dad. He cared of course but, he could be a bit blunt or standoffish towards the other campers, if you wanted to call them that.
But if anyone messed with another D-Tenter, he was ready to jump like he was our mother. Not a step dad, but a mother who birthed us.
X-Ray was a little hard to read. Like Squid. Both of them are either quiet and observing, usually together, or they're loud and laughing with all the other boys. But always together. Like best friends, brothers even. They were all brothers, shit, they've been here long enough to be. 
X-Ray had been here the longest though, and I still don't know what he did exactly. 


"Lets get digging, campers!" Dr.Pendanski brought us to our digging spot, which I am almost 100% sure was the same area we were in as yesterday. It all looks the same when you've been here long enough. Even someone who hasn't been here that long could get lost out in this desert.
"And remember!" None of us even looked up at him, we just got to digging, "Conserve your water! Mr.Sir won't be able to bring the truck around until a little bit later today!" 
He got back into Mr.Sir's truck and rolled on back to camp, out of our view. 
The sun wasn't up yet and it was freezing this morning, I wish I would have put on that long sleeved shirt underneath my jumpsuit. I know I'd only get hot later, but the extra layer would be appreciated now. It had to be at least in the mid 30s or lower 40s. It was hard to tell. 
My body was shaking and my teeth were chattering so much that I could hardly dig my shovel into the cold, hard earth. "Just get moving and you'll be less cold." Caveman said to me. 
I got lucky today and he chose to start his hole next to mine. I enjoyed digging next to Caveman, he was considerate enough not to throw his dirt out from his hole and into mine. 
"I'm trying." My teeth chattered. I gripped my shovel and went for it, trying to get my muscles warmed up and blood flowing through my body. "Try harder, you'll be fine." Caveman was stern at times but he was always kind towards me. He could give jokes and take them, but he was never mean like they could be. Sometimes their comments cut deep and it is their intention. 
But..boys will be boys, right? I think that's bullshit but it seemed accurate here. 
I breathed deeply and kept moving, actually wishing the sun would rise quicker. 
I'll be calling myself crazy for that when the day heats up and we're all sweating our asses off. 

"There you go." Caveman encouraged me, giving me a small clap before going back to digging his own. 
The boys were otherwise quiet this morning, groggy. But Caveman seemed chipper. That'll change when the sun is up and we run out of water. 
 ______________________________

I was right about wanting the sun to come back up earlier. It's hot as hell and It can't even be 12:00 yet. I'm glad I didn't grab that long sleeved shirt. 
"Ay so why Mr.Sir not gonna be here until later with the water?" Armpit whined, obviously he was out. "Why didn't you conserve it like Mom said to?" X-Ray ceased his digging to lean on his shovel and give hims arms a little break. "I was thirsty, why the hell you think I ain't conserve it?"
He tossed a shovel full of dirt into X-Ray's hole. They can tell when they're playing with each other. "Well that's your own fault, dog." X-Ray snickered. Armpit rolled his eyes at him.
"So..why is Mr.Sir gonna be late with the water truck anyway?" Magnet also was leaning up against his shovel, as thirsty as Armpit must be. Not one of us had listened to what Dr.Pendanski had said about conserving our water. 
Mr.Sir usually came around 10:00 or 10:30 to give us our water and lunch. No clocks or watches, but the suns shadows was getting easier to read. I thought, at least. 
No wonder they used sun dials back before modern time was invented. It was a guessing game regardless. 
"He's probably seeing the Warden." ZigZag was grinning, his eyes wild as his hair. As always with that boy. "The fuck you smilin' like that for, Zig?" Armpit didn't think what ZigZag was insinuating was very funny. "The Warden is a respectful lady, dude...ain't no way Mr.Sir could get any." He crossed his arms and looked at ZigZag, who was still grinning like a clown. That's a good word to describe him, really. Clown. 
"Yeah, why would she wanna hook up with Mr.Sir when I'm right here?" Magnet popped his collar, clearly confident in himself. Everyone busted up laughing at the very idea.  
"What's so funny!? I'm serious!" He shouted at us, a grin on his face too.
Don't let the Warden hear you talkin' bout nothing like that." X-Ray pretended to wipe a tear from his eye, to let Magnet know how ridiculous he sounded. 
"Ziggy, you must be crazy for sure if you think the Warden would even think about that." 
Caveman said. "Think about it! Outside of Mom and the guards, Mr.Sir is her only option. And look at Mom, that's an even crazier idea..." He trailed off, and then winced at his own vivid vision, grossed out. "I don't give a damn what he doin', he better get here with my water."
Armpit plopped down on the edge of his hole, which wasn't even 4 foot deep yet. Fatigued from lack of water and over exposure to the sun. 
"He'll be here soon, he can't leave us out here." I often throw in my two cents into a conversation, just once or twice. To conserve energy and precious saliva.
Something these boys, aside from Zero, failed to understand. They talked and talked and talked, joked and joked with one another.
No wonder they get so thirsty so quickly. 
"You can have a sip of mine." I got out of my hole and walked over to give him my water jug. 
His hands reached out desperately but I jerked it back before he could get his hands on it. 
"A sip." I clarified to him. "Don't drink all of my water too, Pit." I smiled and handed him my water jug. He waterfalled it into his mouth, more of it going down his chin and cheeks than into his mouth. "Armpit! Aim for your mouth!" I palmed my forehead and crinkled my nose at him.
He handed my water back, nodding his head in thanks. It was definitely more than a sip. 
"You gonna let him walk all over you like that?" ZigZag was always wanting to stir the pot, or start something. It was just in his personality. It was entertainment for him since the TV in the Wreck room broken. It was already broken but they claimed you could see the outline of the people on the shows, which they couldn't even hear. The sun must really be getting to their brains. ZigZag's brain was a goner before he even got here I'm convinced, though. 
"It's not walking all over me if I offered it.." I picked my shovel up. "You should have smacked him upside his head for drinking more than a sip." ZigZag went on. 
"You can do that, but I won't. There's no need for it, Zig." He put his hands on his hips and shook his head, "Naive, naive, Devin...you've been here long enough to know that drinking water is sacred..and should be treated as such. Never let another man take what's yours." 
He was acting nutty, as nutty as he does when we get to the mess hall for dinner at the end of the day. 
"You heard me offer it to him? And then you saw me willingly give it to him? It's not taking, last time I checked."  I shook my head before getting back to digging.
ZigZag was quiet for a moment, then he spoke again. "I got it!" He shouted "Your nickname is Bambi." He seemed proud of himself.
I scoffed, "Bambi? How am I Bambi, Zig?" He shrugged his shoulders "Isn't it obvious? Timid and quiet. That's you." I put my hand on my hip "I am not! Not since I've gotten to know you fools, I'm not timid or quiet. I'll talk my shit." The group was silent, looking at each other.
"Well, you little like Bambi." X-Ray said, in an agreeing tone, to the nickname ZigZag so lovingly picked out for me. "Do not start calling me that. Anything else." I sighed 
More silence. "I got it! How about Bitch?" ZigZag said, making Magnet crack up. 
"Hey! Watch your fuckin' mouth, ZigZag." Squid snipped as he tossed a shovel full of dirt at ZigZag.
Squid saying that brought back a tinge of that feelings I felt from last night in the hole. 
That intensity of it coming back to my mind, making my stomach do a flip. 
"I'm joking! Don't get your panties in a twist. Like Bambi over there." ZigZag winked at me, being the little shit that he is. "Just shut up and dig your damn hole." ZigZag scoffed at Squid and turned his body to face him "What's with you? You've been acting like an asshole lately. You on your period or something? You're not being yourself, man." He leaned into his shovel, his signature smirk plastered on his wild face. 
Squid dropped his shovel against the rim of his hole and marched over to ZigZag.
They did this at least once or twice a week. ZigZag loved to push buttons and Squid's buttons were always being pushed by him. ZigZag pushed everyone's buttons, but it got to Squid more than anyone else at times. Especially when we've been in the hot sun. Blood boils easily. 
They stood there with their fists balled and chests puffed out like a couple of fighting birds. 
I couldn't not look at Squid. Sweating and angry, like he was last night. The same energy was radiating off of him, maybe not as sexually charged but..the anger was there. 
"Shut up." Squid said, though I could barely hear him. But I could see his knuckles whitening from how tightly he had his hands balled up. X-Ray was always the mediator between the two. 
They played and joked like friends, but they fought like brothers. "A'ight y'all, calm down. Mr.Sir is on his way and I know he don't wanna see y'all beating the hell out of each other. And I know  y'all don't want y'all's shower tokens taken away. Chill." His voice was always smooth.
That's X-Ray, smooth and collected. Good traits for a leader, I'd say. 
"Whatever. I'd hate to have to beat on such a white knight southern gentleman." ZigZag said mockingly, but was the first to step back. Squid lingered for a minute, glaring at ZigZag for his last comment. "Just watch your mouth, Zig. I mean it." I could hear him clearer now, the wind had settled down. At times we get huge gusts of wind, kicking up dust and making it impossible to breathe. Thankfully today the wind was rather calm. 
Squid took a glance at me, and then went back to his hole. 

Mr.Sir ended up coming with the water very shortly after the small altercation, all of us forgot about it quickly when he told us to line up and get our lake water, like the little fishies we were. 
"Where were you, Mr.Sir?" Armpit was being dramatic now "I was close to chokin' on dirt." 
Mr.Sir hesitated to fill his old milk carton with water, a precious commodity at this point.
Just to tease Armpit. "Well I ain't gonna give you yer water if you complain like that, you know'at, right?" 
Armpit let out a slew of apologies. Mr.Sir chuckled, spitting out at least 5 or 6 sunflower shells onto the ground. He enjoyed being in charge too much, I'm sure. 
"Ain't none of yer business where I been, boy." He handed the water to him and Armpit eagerly chugged at least half of it. Not conserving once again. 
ZigZag was next in line "How's the Warden, Mr.Sir?" He can't help himself. He really can't. 
Mr.Sir looked up, tipping his hat back a little to see ZigZag. "You wanna come ask her yerself? I can arrange'at real quick." He shoved the water bottle into his chest, making ZigZag step back. 
"No Mr.Sir." Mr.Sir nodded and grumbled something "That's what I thought." 

"Bambi, you here now." X-Ray put me up behind Caveman, who was in front of Zero, who was now behind me. "What? No, let Zero go." I stepped back, feeling bad for Zero being once again put in last. 
The kid didn't seem to care, he never changed his expression much. Only when he was laughing or upset. Otherwise, he seemed content. Or just over it.  He did talk to Caveman, and I've tried to talk before to him but nothing. He was a brick wall around some of us. 
"I said you here now." He said once more before heading over to ZigZag's hole to eat lunch. 
I looked back at Zero, who only shrugged at me. "Sorry." Was all I said to him. 
The rest of us got our water and lunch, sipping our water slower then Armpit could manage.