Home (Thasmin fanfic❤️)

Thoughts

The Doctor was leaning against the console, the pale orange light shining on her face. For the past few days there was something she just couldn't stop thinking about, something that wouldn't leave her mind, no matter how hard she tried. She's always had these feelings in her stomach when she was around Yaz that she couldn't explain but when they were drinking tea in a beautiful garden the other day and their eyes had met for what had felt like an eternity it was like she had been struck by lightening. Suddenly she knew and she was more than scared. After all that she had been through up until that point, all the faces and voices, all the smiles and laughters seemed to work themselves back into her mind as if they were trying to keep her from getting hurt all over again. The Doctor knew it would be wrong, it would only make everything more complicated, maybe even put Yaz in danger and she would not ever want to risk that. She would rather hold back all her feelings, all her pain, for Yaz to be safe. So she kept on standing there, not quite knowing what to do with herself,  listening to the soft whirring of the tardis around her.

Yaz sat in a corner silently, watching the doctor standing there, seemingly not knowing what to do with herself. She looked like she was absorbed in thought so Yaz figured it would be better not to disturb her although she wanted to talk to her so badly. She felt like they had gotten closer the past few weeks but since a few days ago the Doctor had looked absent, distant, almost which concerned the policewoman and made her feel like she might have done something wrong. Therefore she stayed in the place she was at, looking at the blonde shaking her head from time to time, having her eyes closed to be able to stay focused.

A short loud beep pulled both of them out of their thoughts and made the Doctor rapidly open her eyes. She had a look around the consoleroom to make sure everything was okay, only to see Yaz smiling at her dorkishly. She was slightly flustered  and wondered if the brunette had been there the whole time and croaked out a

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough", she answered, still grinning. Yaz enjoyed watching theDoctor be herself, being a bit childish and clumsy but also concentrated and serious at times, not knowing she is being looked at. The orange light that emanated from the console made the Doctor's face seem soft and kind and this one strand of hair that just wouldn't stay behind her ear made her look innocent and a bit confused.

"What were you thinking about?", Yaz asked curiously.

"Ahh, well...just... timelord stuff, I guess. I've been around for a while now, y'know, there's a lot to think about when you've got the time.." She trailed off and shut her mouth to prevent herself from  rambling on. The Doctor's eyes danced around the tardis once again, letting all the colours work their magic on her while she looked at all the new shapes and patterns with genuine interest, trying to memorize them all until her eyes finally landed on Yasmine again, with her soft features looking mildly concerned and wavy hair falling over her shoulders perfectly. Not being able to move as she had been caught by the hazel eyes of the Doctor's Yaz was still trying to imagine what was going on inside the other woman's mind.

"You can trust me. You know that, don't you?"

As the Doctor wouldn't answer her and instead just stood in the middle of the room like a little girl, who was waiting for somebody to tel lher that everything would be fine in the end, Yaz stood up slowly and walked over to her.

"Please tell me how you feel. What were you really thinking about?"

The blonde didn't reply for a few seconds, trying to think of something believable she could tell Yaz so she wouldn't feel hurt.

"Oh well, you know... I've just never been a girl before and I don't really know how to, in a way. It's all so different and new to me and I think it will just take me some time to adjust to that.", She explained and felt guilty immediately afterwards since nothing she had said had been true and she hated lying to her friend. Nevertheless she tried giving her a smile which turned out to be only an awkward version of what her beautiful smiles usually looked like.

Yaz didn't want to pressure her so she just smiled back at her and took the Doctor's hand. Her pulse was racing and her palms sweating but so were Yaz's.

"I understand and I'm here for you if you need any help.", she promised, almost whispering, and went in to give her a hug. Oh, how much she had needed that hug, Yaz thought, breathing in the blonde's heavenly smell. Her hair softly streaked her cheek.

Deep into the hug the Doctor was afraid Yaz would notice her racing heart but she couldn't just stay away from her either. This beautiful Pakistani woman was like a magnet that pulled her closer, that she wanted to know everything about but still keep a safe distance from because she was afraid of the power she had over her by the way she made her feel. Yet she enjoyed the hug and although it hadn't been the first one they had ever had, it felt like it was at least some sort of first. Something was different and she couldn't keep herself from wondering, what it was and she couldn't keep herself from wanting it to never end either. The Timelord's hands landed on Yaz's waist, whose familiar perfume tickled her nose. She wasn't much taller than her companion but just enough for her to lean her cheek on her head. They fit like they belonged that way, together, never letting each other go. She felt the dark thoughts slowly fading away, leaving nothing but a calm and pleasant feeling of hope. But it wasn't just the Doctor feeling that way.

Yaz didn't ever want to feel anything else but the warmth she felt in this exact moment. It was as if she had finally come home. She had a flat, a family but they would've never been able to make her feel that way and she asked herself why. Why did a woman make her feel like she belonged with her? Why the doctor? She was still only her companion, a temp, basically, so why wasn't she able to just behave that way? They were friends, sure but she wouldn't hug Graham or Ryan that way although they're friends, would she? So what made the Doctor so different from everyone else? She had so many questions she couldn't find an answer to in that moment. But did she even want to? Yaz didn't know.

But she did know that she wanted to let herself be guided by only feelings just for once.