Save me

11. Gone and back again

Note: The timeline in this is very different than In actual AWAE so gilbert only left for a month because well he missed a certain someone ;) and Annabelles only been at Avonlea for 5 months. 

"Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others. And having no respect he ceases to love."

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, 

❦

"Gilbert Blythe's going to be a doctor..."
Ruby smiled contently, the reflection of what was going through her mind was almost as evident as the equation written on the board left behind by the 10-year-old class. The exact scene that Ruby had painted in her mind was right there in front of the girls, you could tell just by looking at Ruby's eyes. Her picture-perfect manor with five picture-perfect children, standing next to her picture-perfect husband...Doctor Blythe. Annabelle couldn't help but grin as ruby slowly got more and more lost in her daydream. 

Diana exchanged a sly look, similar to Annabelle, restraining a laugh and a disappointed head shake.

Ever since May and the funeral, things had changed within Avonlea. 

Gilbert left quickly and quietly, taking an offer to board a group of men who were charged with delivering goods to Trinidad only ordaining to tell one person of his departure. Luckily it had just so happened to be Annabelle's uncle. 

The News of course had spread quickly.  Annabelle had replayed the memory of their last exchanged words so often that she was slowly beginning to have every single detail cemented in her mind. 

The one part she recalled the most was when she had hugged him goodbye, as her family departed his house to take their carriage back home. 

She had lingered behind just slightly as Samuel and his parents entered the cart before her. 

She closed her eyes as her arms wrapped around his neck, she couldn't help it. She felt as though the closer she held him the more of herself she could give to him in a time he had so little. She felt his face burrow into her shoulder, his breath brushing past her ear.  The moment solidified itself in its own permanence within her mind and memories.

When she pulled away reluctantly from Gilbert's grasp that day, he had looked at her.  His face was full of a seeming regret, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth parted to say something but then instantly closed. He paused again before a "Thankyou" stuttered out of that same mouth. 

Annabelle nodded in response, the disappointment of whatever unspoken words he never shared becoming a loss she too had to force herself to grieve.

When Annabelle had found out, it felt almost expected, she felt no shock or surprise, simply a joy for him that he would be able to experience life outside the walls of caring for his family and farm. 

But slowly as the days went on, Annabelle began to realise how absent the days were without his presence, how she longed for the anxiety of him to overtake the dread of death. And suddenly only the reminder of everything she was making its unwanted return. 

The Doctors at her house every week became less routine and more of a chore. So when the news of his return was sent to none other than Anne. At first, she felt a spark of hope. She would be able to see him, talk to him, could tell her of his adventures and journeys. 

But then slowly it began to skin in. He hadn't written to her... She never once asked herself why he didn't write this whole time. I mean, of course, she knew she couldn't write to him first, considering she had absolutely no clue of his residence, but he certainly knew hers.