Insecurities [Shota Aizawa x Hizashi Yamada]

Chapter 4

"Yamada."

Hizashi snapped out of his thoughts and forced his eyes back at Shota, who sat leaned back, plate untouched.

The waiter had delivered the food and the water in the giant pot in the middle of the table was almost done.

"Hm?" Hizashi straightened his chopsticks, tapping them on his plate.

"You've been staring at the beef for minutes now. You could start putting it in."

"It's fine, I was just thinking." Hizashi chuckled a bit.

Shota sat silent for a moment, then sighed and shook his head.

Hizashi stared blankly at Shota, then nudged Nemuri as a silent cry for help.

Nemuri jumped in, trying to raise the mood. "Toshinori, Shota. How's the class doing?"

"Great!" Toshinori answered, ready to tell them about his students that he seemed proud of.

"Awful," Shota scoffed.

"What?" Toshinori looked to him, an eyebrow raised. "You know you love them."

"Problem child keeps hurting himself, a blond keeps bullying him, there's a pervert who can't control himself, and just yesterday the yellow-headed kid asked if I hate hay because he heard that the idiom 'hit the hay' meant to sleep." Shota huffed. "Only a few are alright, like your brother, Tensei."

"I would hope so," Tensei said slowly after Shota's spiel. He laughed. "Tenya's gotta take after. He said you were teaching them well."

"He's just teaching them obedience," Toshinori joked. "He's scary when he teaches."

"I didn't know you were a teacher," Hizashi told Shota, eyebrows raised in amusement. "How'd you get the job?"

"Shota needed a more reliable job so I offered him a place as a teacher's assistant," Toshinori explained. "The principal agreed and Shota's doing part-time."

"More reliable? What job did he have before?" Hizashi was genuinely curious now, overriding the fear of confronting Shota.

Before Toshinori could answer, Shota tapped his plate with his chopsticks, making a loud clanging sound. "The water's hot enough. Let's eat."

—<•>—

Dinner was fairly peaceful after the conversation about teaching. The food had made everyone notice just how hungry they were, forgetting about the argument and talking with much higher spirits. That was the magic of food.

The group talked about their jobs and random events that happened since they last met. It felt great to hang out with friends after stressing about his job, Hizashi noticed.

Part of him appreciated the time spent with them, having fun and getting to know them again after years. The other part was disappointed with himself. He kept telling himself that he shouldn't be procrastinating and he should get back to work.

When his group of friends headed towards the movie theater,  he saw Shota looking just as tired as he felt internally. Hizashi sighed. He has it harder, he thought.

Tensei, Nemuri, and Toshinori was talking about the students again, and Shota was walking next to Toshinori, listening. Meanwhile, Hizashi took out his phone to check his notifications. As he looked through them, he frowned. He never made it up to Shota.

He apologized, sure, but Shota never forgave him. Hizashi didn't even apologize correctly. They had an argument. He shook his head. He still wasn't over it. The incident nor Shota.

He turned to glance at Shota, but he'd disappeared. Confused, he looked around.

"What's that?"

The low voice next to his ear almost made him drop his phone. Shota stared at the screen, walking next to him. His face looked uninterested in what he was seeing.

"Um, Tumblr," Hizashi answered. Fuck. He was about to read the notes of a suggestive not safe for work artwork of a male character he drew for a commission. He quickly swiped the app window out and switched to Instagram.

There was an awkward silence as Shota looked over a different artwork, also drawn by him.

"You drew it?" Shota asked, ignoring the previous piece.

"Nnnnnyeaahhh?" Hizashi dragged out, between denying it and confirming it, but then realized he said 'nya' instead.

The corner of Shota's mouth twitched. "What's your username?"

Fuck, Hizashi thought again. Heat creeped up his neck as he told him his Instagram username. He didn't know why Shota was suddenly so interested.

"You sure improved since high school," Shota commented, examining at the artwork.

"Thanks." At least he was talking to him. Hizashi nodded. "My art style hasn't been very consistent though."

Shota shrugged, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He shifted away, giving Hizashi his personal space back. Both of them changed a lot the past years. Usually Hizashi was the one popping personal bubbles.

"How about you? Are you still writing?" Hizashi asked.

Shota stayed silent for so long Hizashi though he hadn't heard him. Before he could ask again, Shota answered. "No."

"Why not? You never finished that fantasy novel you started in high school?"

"People didn't like it." Shota gave Hizashi an accusing glance. "And I didn't like it either."

Hizashi was reluctant to keep the conversation going, but if he wanted to patch their friendship up, he would have to talk to Shota more. "People did like it."

"I guess. But I found that I didn't like people judging me or my work regardless of whether they liked it or not."

Thanks to you was left unsaid.

"That's disappointing," Hizashi commented. "I really liked that story."

Shota didn't reply, and for a moment Hizashi thought he said something wrong.

Hizashi let out a relieved sigh when Shota just shrugged, then turned to his other friends when they stopped in front of the theater. "What's the movie?"

"Home Alone," Nemuri said, a large smile on her face.

"Hell yes."