Speaking Hope

Words have power. This is the one truth I have always known and this truth terrified me.

For years I kept to myself, only speaking after carefully crafting my words, never letting myself hurt anyone accidentally. I grew up the quiet kid, the mute, the freak....all because I chose my words carefully.

However, I also had an unbelievable desire to spread hope to people because I had watched or heard of so many people who had slipped into depression or worse and the only way I could do that was with words.

I got that chance in high school. I attended a youth group and had just recently been confirmed and the leader of that youth group asked me if I wanted to give a speech to the confirmation students at their weekend retreat in a few weeks. Being my nervous, introverted self I wanted to say no however, I took a leap of faith and accepted.

At the meetings for the retreat I was given my topic which was how to deal with life once we came back from retreat, and it was to be the last talk of the weekend. I had a weekend full of stress to look forward to.

The weekend came and went and before I knew it I was eating lunch on the last day of the retreat with my big speech looming less than 30 minutes away. My body was shaking with nerves, and then suddenly, we were being ushered into the next room, I was to sit in the chair at the front and I had about 20 kids watching me, I was only a year or so older than them, and as I started to speak my voice broke, I never looked from the paper and I told them my life experiences, I spoke of heartbreak, of a mother who I almost lost way before her time. I spoke of new love and of a teacher who I did lose before his time and most importantly hope. I was allowing them into my life so they could look at me and see me more complexly then they could have ever before. I cried, I shook, I spoke.

Finally at the end of my speech I looked up and saw how attentive they all had been, how quiet, some had tears in their eyes. Slowly, they applauded, stood up and formed a line to thank me for my speech, each sharing a hug with me, and again I cried.

I will never know if I got through to any of them that day, but since that retreat I have given similar speeches over twenty times each time aiming for hope, for love and kindness to show that people are more complex than our imaginations can ever allow us to believe. Putting myself out there for the first time at the retreat allowed me to find my voice, find the right words and hopefully do some good by speaking hope.