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159 - acacia

to: acacia

hey. it's um, it's me.
i just wanted to say that i miss you.
i got to thinking yesterday and i ran across one of our pictures from the dance, i almost tried to call.
obviously, i didn't.
i'm still full of questions and i'm not really quite sure if i'll have enough time to ask them.
but um...
do you every wonder about me?
...like the way i wonder about you...
i wonder if you're alright...
cause last time we spoke, you didn't seem alright...
but that not my place anymore...so....
i can't ask...
do you even think about what happened and wonder where we would be if it didn't?
i do...
but that probably just makes me sound really crazy because i should just let you go, right?
i should just drop everything i knew about you and pretend that...we never even happened?
pretend that i didn't approach you and try to build a bond that i know i messed up, but i can't pretend that it didn't happen...
i saw so much going for you, you know?
so much positivity....
and just like everything else i practice in my head...
this isn't coming out the way i wanted it to.
but i just wanna know...
did you actually care about me?
or was it really just a game?
like, you befriended me and then it actually became something legit and things both went wrong in our own lives and then you got stuck with me and then you just decided you didn't need me anymore and you needed a reason.
you needed a reason to shut out what you no longer wanted.
then i wouldn't be trying to talk to you, right?
that was it, right?
because i meant literally nothing to you.
and if that's not true then show me how it's not true because something like what we had doesn't just crash and burn after somebody's mistake.
you're supposed to grow.
you're afraid to let that show, aren't you?
it's okay.
already, i've found myself calling you a memory  and i never wanted that...
cause i wanted us to last, you know?
i wanted our future...but you just didn't want that anymore...
but i guess i understand...
sorry.
bye.