2nd Chances // Park Jihoon FF

044

Jihoon's POV

I thought i'd be happy if I finally found out...
But why am I not?..

How did this happen?..
I messed up.
I mean, how did I not expect this?
She knows everything..
She remembers..
Everything.
I never thought the day I was most afraid of, would come too soon.
I was just getting started.
I was just starting to begin again.
Why does it have to end so soon?
What is this?
Karma?
If losing her for 2 years, thinking she was dead only to find out she wasnt, isnt karma..then is this it?

"What else do I have to go through?
Huh?
Is this what you wanted for me?
To suffer pain?
If this is it then fuck it, you win.
I was trying to set things right!
I thought I saw her again to make up for my mistakes.
Why did you bring her back to my life if all you're gonna do is take her away again?
Answer me, Goddamit!" I angrily yelled to god as I hit the steering wheel hardly.
Tears continuously fell as I brought my hand to my head.

"Do I have to watch her walk away from me again?" I cried and rested my head on the car window.
Just then, my phone rang revealing Jinyoung's dad.
Thats weird.
He only ever calls me when something's wrong with Jinyoung.
I do visit him from time to time.

"Hello Mr.Bae?" I softly said through the phone.

"Jihoon-ah, could you please come here?" He said, with his voice cracking.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, wiping my tears away as my sadness soon turned to worries.

"Its Jinyoung..."

***

"Mr.Bae!" I ran towards him, who sat outside Jinyoung's room in tears.

"Jihoon.." he sadly smiled to me.

"Did it just happen suddenly?" I asked as I comforted him.

"Yes, his heart just stopped beating. I dont want to lose my son yet." He frustratedly said and brought his hand up to his mouth.

Right then, the doctor came out of Jinyoung's room.

"How is he?" I eagerly asked.

"I think its best to talk about it in my office, shall we?" He politely guided the both of us to his office.

-

"We were able to revive him, fortunately" he announced.
Mr.Bae then held my hand tight as he felt relieved knowing his son was okay.

"Although, there's no guarantee that Jinyoung could last any longer." He added, causing Mr.Bae to shed tears again.

"His body has gotten more and more weaker as the cancer cells are starting to spread all over his brain. At this point, the medication will no longer be of help." He explained.

"You have to do whatever it takes to keep him alive." I spoke for mr.Bae as he had no energy to respond.

"We are doing everything we can to keep him alive. However, we think its best to prepare for the worse."

-

"Thank you, Dr." I kindly bowed to the Doctor before heading out his office along with Mr.Bae who couldnt let a single word out.
I completely understood his situation as his son's life is near death.
I felt bad having to see him so devastated, I myself too, was in pure shock.
Jinyoung was totally fine the last time I visited.

I kept Mr.Bae close to me as we walk back to Jinyoung's room.
The terrified look on his face as he thought about seeing his son in such a complex situation made me feel so dejected.

"Mr.Bae!" A familiar voice echoed through the hospital's hallway.
I was shocked to see who was running towards the both of us with pure concern in her eyes.

"Seoyoon-ah." He weakly called out.
What is she doing here?
How did she know about..
I looked at Mr.Bae who gave me a regretful look on his face.

"I thought I would lose Jinyoung..so I had to call her, maybe just then, Jinyoung would want to fight harder." He cried.
I looked at his with pity as he was desperate for his son to stay alive but at the same time, I felt afraid because once again, I hid something from Seoyoon that she soon found out as well.

I looked over at Seoyoon who looked at me with anger and the feeling of betrayal.

"Where is he? Can I go see him?" She completely ignored me and began walking with Mr.Bar who agreed to allow her see Jinyoung.
I stayed outside and kept distance between her and I.
Althought it was one of the hardest thing to do, I reckoned I gave her so much pain in one day.
I dont have the face to show her anymore.
Everything about me is ruined to her.
She hated me.
She despises me.
Im pretty sure she doesnt want to do anything about me anymore.
Which is even the harder part because I want everything about her.

**

I stayed outside, almost falling asleep as I wait for both Seoyoon and Mr.Bae to come out.
Then I thought maybe it would take longer for both to come out so I decided to leave without bidding anyone goodbye.
Its not like im needed here anymore anyway.
Just as soon as I stood up, Seoyoon came out of the room.
She didnt look like she cried at all.
But the moment she saw me, her gaze changed to anger.
I gave her an apologetic look and made my way out of the hospital.
Little did I know, she was following me.

"Let's talk" she sternly said and pulled me to a corner.

"How long Jihoon?" She asked, not looking at me.

"What-"

"How long have you known Jinyoung's condition?" She sternly asked.

"Dont you dare lie to my face Jihoon!" She threatened.

"Since the first time he was taken to the hospital.." I finally confessed, causing her to step back away from me.

"You're amazing aren't you?" She sarcastically asked with a chuckle as tears started forming in her eyes.

"You hid everything so well for a long time." She continued.

"I didnt know such a person could do that." She said with pure disappointment on her face.

"I trusted you Jihoon. I believed every single thing you said only to make me regret it." She looked at me as if she really felt hurt about everything.
What did that made me feel like?
Shit.
It made me feel like shit.
God knows I didnt intend to hurt her.
I only did that because..
Because I love her that much.

"I never ever wanna see you again." She retorted and walked out at once.
I stood there speechless.
Hurt and angry.
Angry at myself.

How the fuck did I let it get this get so ugly?
All I ever wanted was for me to get back the person I loved.
I did it because I was desperate.
It would've been easier to move on if she really were dead in the first place!
How the fuck am I suppose to react after two years of thinking I lost the person I loved the most?
And after those years she stood infront of my two own fucking eyes.
It only made me want to love her more because inside those two years,
the desperation that I had to keep her by my side,
to take care of her,
To love her better everyday,
Became stronger.
And finally having that moment to happen,
Finally having that chance,
How can I not take it?
Except I was given a harder challenge with her not remembering me at all.
Thats the bullshit part.
Now look where it ended up.

What the fuck is so wrong with loving?