My back slid down the surface of the door as my legs buckled underneath me. My hands rested on the sides of my head, and I tapped my fingers ever so slightly, as if trying to somehow shake some sense into my mind.
I shook my head, then closed my eyes. I was getting a migraine.
My fingernails dug into my hair line, and without thought or consciousness, a sob broke from my chest. A sob so heartbroken and shattered, I almost wept twice for myself.
My heart was completely torn, fractured in so many places and finally I knew, I would have to live with this pain for the rest of my life.
Sometimes, I believed things were best left kept a secret. I now understood why my father kept me from her. Why he never told me.
Ignorance is bliss, I thought. If only I'd been wise and ignored the signs as they were thrown at me.
My chest heaved as each cry wracked my body, until the apartment was filled with my erratic screaming.
I cried for my father, his death and his life. For the love he lost and the life he gave up for me and Marcus. I cried for my brother. For the life he could have lived, could have loved. And I cried for myself- Id lost the life Id made for myself in just a day.
There was a wine, something high pitched and screeching, that even rose above my cries. My head jerked up, tears blurring my vision. I swiped at my eyes with the back of my palm and looked to where the noise came from.
My body froze in mid-movement. My breath altered and accelerated. My bedroom door lay open, the key in which I locked it with lay on the floor just beside it.
There was a shuffle in my bedroom, and in a second I was standing.
"Kaitlyn?" I called, my voice hoarse and wobbling.
My hands were shaking as I took a few hesitant steps forward.
"Luna?" I tried again, and then with a terse voice, "Levi?"
There was no reply, only shuffling.
Suddenly, I didn't want to get any closer. In fact, I wanted to be as far away as possible. I started backing up, just as the first shadow fell over my bedroom door.
My back hit the kitchen counter and I jumped. "Who's there?" I called.
The shadow only grew, until an arm, a shoulder, a neck, a face-
I almost crumbled to the ground. "Jesslyn?" I choked out. "Jesslyn."
Her face was angelic. She had honey coloured hair unlike mine, but I'd definitely inherited her green eyes. She was wearing a loose fitted pair of jeans and a baggy jumper. She looked like a mom.
"That's mother to you," she said and smiled jokingly.
"Wha- get out of my apartment!" I cried.
"Sweetie, don't be like that." She chastised.
As she took a step forward, I lifted my hands. "Don't come near me! I'll call the cops, I swear to god if you don't get out of here right now!"
"But..." She furrowed her brow. "I've just got here?"
"And now I want you gone! I don't want you anywhere near me."
"You don't mean that." She said, shaking her head.
I nodded mine. "Really? I hate you. Ever since I found out you were alive I've despised you. What you've done."
"But I'm you're mother-"
"You're nothing! My whole life my mother was dead, and she's going to stay that way! You... You are not my mother."
"But I've done so much to get here! I've sacrificed everything!"
"Like my brother?" I whispered. "You're own son. When you killed him... How did that make you feel, Jesslyn? When you saw him there, crumpled over and dead, my body beside him? Did that make you happy? Proud?"
"Laken-"
"Don't say my name."
"You have to understand, everything I did I did for you two. My children, you're the most important things in the world-"
I couldn't hear her anymore. I twisted quickly, searching for something to ward her off with. The knife block sat on the counter directly behind me. I reached for one, wrapped my palm around the base and-
A blinding pain shot through the front of my head as my face hit the counter with a brutal force. My legs crumpled, and before I knew it I was on all fours on the ground. The knife skittered out of my hand, skidding to the other side of the room.
I coughed for several seconds, a splatter of crimson painting the wooden floors.
Black spots and spider webs clouded my vision and I tried go blink them back. Something warm dropped down my nose and lips. Blood, I tasted. It was everywhere.
Violently, my body was twisted, and I lay flat on my back. I began to scream, with all the voice I could possibly muster.
After only a second, her hand clamped over my mouth with such force I swear my teeth rattled. Sure I had lost a tooth, I began to jerk underneath her position- straddling me.
Fear overwhelmed me when she leaned her face towards me. "He's somewhere better. We can all be better if you just let me do this. We can be together."
"No." I cried under her palm, but it was just a muffled cry. "Please please. Don't do this." I tried to say.
Then I was crying again, trying to move my arms from under her knees. Sobs ripped from my throat, muffled by her smothering hand.
I twisted my head, trying to get out from her grasp, she was too strong. I cried and cried for what felt like years before she moved.
Her hand moved from my mouth, and I could finally breathe easy. She lent down and kissed my forehead, swiping lightly at my hair.
"Please." I sobbed. "Please, oh god. Oh god no please don't do this."
No matter how bad my life had become, I didn't want it to end- not like this, not without doing what I now so desperately needed to.
And levi, oh god, Levi. What would he do? What would he do when he found me dead? Would he even ever find out? How would anybody know to tell him? Would he care?
"You don't have to do this. Just leave, please. Don't don't this."
"You'll thank me, sweetie." She whispered.
"No. No no no. I won't, please. If you want me happy, just leave! Oh god!" I sobbed.
"I'll make it better." She said. "Just trust me."
I closed my eyes, ready for the blow. I didn't know how she was going to do it, or even really why. But no matter how much I didn't want to die, right then I knew it was inevitable.
At first a sharp sort of ache spread in my stomach. It grew and grew until I was screaming in agony. I opened my eyes, only to see a slit of light that wasn't coated in black splodges. My hands flattened on my stomach, and I felt the tip of what had happened to me.
Confusion dwarfed me. I was swimming in it. Consciousness, blood, life.
I closed my eyes finally, a breath leaving me. I felt nothing. No pain, but loneliness. I struggled to hold on, to fight.
But I was just so tired. So very tired.
