IX. Selfless Love

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"Shh...stop crying now, Eun Bi."

Tae Kwang was in front of me within seconds, grabbing my shoulders and brushing away my tears. It only succeeded in making me cry harder.

"What are you still doing here?" I sobbed."You're supposed to hate me. You're supposed to leave. Didn't you agree to pretend-"

Whatever I was going to say next was cut off, because the next thing I knew, he was gathering me in his arms.

"You pabo," His voice was gentle this time. "I told you before, didn't I? You don't have to do anything. You don't have to ask me for forgiveness. Your feelings are your own."

"Gong Tae Kwang-" I tried to break free from his embrace, but he held me tight.

"Ne, it was true that I got hurt multiple times. But it wasn't your fault. I knew you couldn't be that person for me, but I still loved you anyway. When you left-" he swallowed hard.

"When you left six months ago, I thought I could forget everything. Start over with a clean slate. Pretend that Lee Eun Bi was just another girl who moved away and nothing more. I thought I was doing a good job."

"You thought?"

"Ne, I did. But when you came barrelling back into my life-and I do mean it literally-" I stifled a laugh, remembering the night I ran into him.

"Seeing you again in person made me realize that there was no way I could forget the girl who was my ray of sunshine. You changed me in ways I had never imagined, and you taught me to live, Eun Bi. Before you, I was only surviving day by day."

He pulled away from me then, holding me at arm's length.

"I am glad you told me everything. But you don't have to feel burdened anymore. I don't want you to continue feeling that way because of me. Like I said before, I-I will take care of my feelings. So jebal, stop crying now, arasso?"

Gong Tae Kwang, I thought to myself. Even now, you still are selfless. Despite everything you had gone through because of me, you still put my well-being first before yours.

Gathering up all the courage I could muster, I met his unwavering gaze. "Ani, you don't understand."

His befuddled eyes bored into mine. "What do I not understand?"

It was now or never. "Someone once told me that kindness and love are two different things. The same holds true for gratitude and love as well."

"Ne. But I am not sure what you are getting at."

Aish, this boy. Do I really have to spell it out for you? "What I feel for you is not simply gratitude, Tae Kwang. Yes, it is true that I am thankful to you, but it is not so much as gratitude as it is lo-"

"Hajima," his grip on my shoulders tightened infinitesimally. "Don't say things you don't mean, Eun Bi."

"Gong Tae Kwang, you told me that I had a kind heart. But I beg to differ. I am not kind-to be honest, I am rather selfish. I have been selfish six months ago when I turned my back on you, and even now, I still am.

I know you deserve better than a pabo who took so long to realize her feelings and hurt you so much along the way. But I can't help it. I can't help that I am selfish.

Saranghaeyo, Gong Tae Kwang."

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