I Don't (August Alsina)

I Don't, 2

August Alsina

"Hey mama." I said, kissin Sarah's mama onna cheek.

"How you doin, baby?" She asked, combing through Christian's hair.

"Hi daddy!" He got up and ran ta me.

I chuckled, messing with his hair. "Sup man?"

His hair was gettin too long, I was honestly debatin on gettin that shit cut. Walkin around with hair down ta his damn knees.

"I went to the park today. I seen my friends from school."

"Really? Did y'all have fun?"

He nodded and continued ta tell me about his day. I was happy that I was able ta fill the void of Christian missin his mama, but I know I'm not gone be able ta full it for that long. He needs Sarah. I just entered his life five/six years ago, Sarah been there since day one so I wouldn't be shocked if he starts ta miss ha as the day goes on. And with missin ha, he gon start actin up and I ain' ready fa allat.

"You crazy, lil man." I laughed, mushin him away from me. "Yo uncle hea?"

"Yeah, but he in his room being ugly."

I laughed. "You ruthless, yungin. Aye but do me a favor, go in his room and be ugly with him while I talk to ya gram." I said.

"Okay. I'll be back, granny." He kissed ha onna cheek and walked inta the room whea Simon was. "Uncle Simon, my daddy said I gotta be ugly with you." He yelled.

"You see what you did?" Sierra said, shakin ha head.

I shrugged, sittin down next ta ha.

I was more than grateful that Sarah's mama wasn't on no nut shit like ha crazy ass husband. She came around and tried ta fix this broken relationship between Sarah and haself. Though she didn't succeed in rebuildin their relationship, I see that she hea now and she tryin ta build a relationship with ha grandson and son-in-law.

I cleared ma throat, rubbin ma cold hands tagether . "I seen ma physiatrist bout a week ago."

"Ahh, how was it?" She asked as she repositioned haself ta face me.

I shrugged, "The same. She prescribed me some antidepressants and said it was up ta me ta get the medication."

"And did you?" She asked and I shook ma head. "I see. Did you tell ha about that little, crazy dream you had?"

"Not yet. I just gon wait fa real."

"Until when?"

I sighed out loud, shruggin. "Ion know. I just don't wanna talk about it, ya heard me?"

She eyed me, noddin ha head. "Why not?"

"Because ion like the thought of hurtin ha."

"I hea you, but you gotta tell someone. Don't let this continue ta weigh you down. Everyday that passes, it's only goin ta hurt you. You lived with Sarah and while y'all were shackin up, did you ever hurt her?"

I twisted ma lips, chewin on ma bottom lip. "Not in a physical way. We argu–"

"We not talkin bout arguin, boy" She said wavin me off. "Couples argue all the time. When I was with Simon's father in the beginnin of our relationship, all we did was argue. We truly did love each other, but we argued. That's life, baybeh. You say you didn't hurt my daughter in a physical way, then what's stoppin you from telling the therapist something you know you wouldn't and didn't do?"

I shrugged, sighin. "It felt realistic as fuck. I could feel ma hands grippin ha neck and chokin ha out. I saw ha eyes go completely empty like she ain' have no life. I know tellin ma therapist bout ma dream gon have me relivin that shit and next thang I know, I'm forced ta talk about ha and ha death knowin I'm still hurtin over it. I'm a emotional nigga, but I'm tired of cryin."