PAPER CROWN [EUPHORIA]

four

Instant regret filled Rio as she broke away from the kiss. Nothing could compare to the pure humiliation and embarrassment she felt in that moment. She'd accepted impulsivity as one of her cons a long time ago but it was only now that it had come back to bite her in the ass. Her friendship with Fez, one she valued more than anything, was going to be ruined because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

Rio often imagined scenarios in her head and the outcome in real life was often different. Still, it didn't stop her from acting on her impulsivity time and time again. Whenever her gut feeling told her not to do something she always had to do it and it always ruined everything. She couldn't stop thinking of how much of a better person she'd be if she actually listened to her gut feeling once in a while.

"I'm sorry." The apology tumbled out of Rio's lips hastily. "I have to go."

Fuck. Rio rushed back inside. She could leave and wallow in her embarrassment at home. Or she could get plastered enough that she'd forget the whole night. She wasn't proud of drinking to the point where she couldn't remember what happened but she'd do it tonight. Fuck her gut feeling telling her not to drink. She was going to get drunk.

"Hey, what happened?"

Rio looked at Rue and felt her lip trembling. As if the night couldn't get any worse. No way she'd tell Rue what happened. Fez would tell her anyway since they were so close. Swallowing down her jealousy, Rio poured herself a shot of vodka.

"Nothing," she said briskly.

That was the problem. Nothing happened. Maybe she wouldn't feel as embarrassed if Fez had at least reacted in some way. Anything, to let her know how he felt. Even if it was rejection then she'd know. Now she was stuck in a state of confusion and curiosity. Maybe not reacting was his reaction. He just didn't like her but didn't want to say anything to hurt her. Who would like a girl like her?

Pouring herself another shot, Rio turned to Rue. "Want one?"

Reluctantly, Rue took a shot. Though there'd been a shift in their relationship, they still knew each other in and out. Rue knew Rio like the back of her hand – like a sister. Rather than facing any sort of emotion, Rio would get black out drunk to drown out all her sorrow. Then she'd forget why she was sad which in turn would make her even more sad and then she'd drink more. She was stuck in an unhealthy cycle. If anyone needed rehab as much as Rue did, it was Rio.

Then again, it wasn't Rue's place to tell Rio to stop. Maybe it was and maybe she should tell Rio something but she wasn't sure she could emotionally handle whatever scathing remark Rio would come back with. Rio had a tendency to lash out on people who cared about her. Nobody liked to hear the truth about themselves and that was what the people she cared about told her. The truth. She was headed on a downhill spiral and she was plummeting at an increasing rate.

Right about now would be a good time to snort a line or pop a pill. Rio fumbled around her bra to see if she'd brought something with her. She hoped she had because there was no way she was going back to Fez to beg for drugs after that. At that point, Rio had foregone the shot glass and was drinking straight out the bottle. The more she drank, the more she needed to drink in order to get drunk. It was a challenge that was more than accepted. Rio was not leaving there sober.

Finding two pills of what she assumed to be molly, Rio swallowed it down with vodka. Rio on molly was never a good Rio. The last time she'd taken it, she'd ended up in a threesome and had a pregnancy scare. After that night a few months ago, she'd sworn off that drug but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Rue?" Rio called out for her friend. Where'd she go? God, she was definitely already starting to feel the affects of the molly. She just hoped whatever she did tonight did not result in her getting pregnant. That was the last thing she needed.