The Upperclassman

Chapter 1

            "I used to think love would be burning red, but it's golden." I can't get the line from Taylor Swift's new album out of my head. When I think of Grayson, my boyfriend of four years, I don't think of any colors. Was it ever burning red? Will it ever be golden?

My thoughts flash to memories of our relationship. There was our first date, we were freshman and he took me to the movies and was so nervous to hold my hand that he spent most of the movie wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. By the time he finally got the nerve to grab my hand, the credits began to roll. I remember thinking it was sweet how nervous I made him. He didn't make me nervous. As we walked out of the theater I casually grabbed his hand and smirked. 

Grayson is your All-American boy. He's around six foot four with a muscular body that comes naturally to 17 year old boys. His body is also exaggerated from the fact that he was a 3 sport athlete all through school. There is no denying he is handsome with his sandy blonde hair and cornflower blue eyes. The way he can easily talk with anyone and make them laugh makes him even more appealing.

My mind slips back to the memories. I think of the night of the Homecoming bonfire, we were sophomores when Grayson asked me to be his girl by presenting me with his letterman jacket. I had never felt such a strange fluttering in my stomach as he made this public declaration of love. I kissed his face and shook my head yes. I remember the pride I felt as we walked away from the group, his jacket hung over my petite shoulders drowning me, and I couldn't help but notice the jealous stares from other girls. Jealous? Of me?

The thought distracts me for a moment and I walk over to the mirror to look at myself. I'm dressed for a day around the house in one of Grayson's t-shirts that is about 3 sizes too big for my petite body and a pair of running shorts. I take my hair out of its ponytail on top of my head and shake it out while trying to finger comb it. I make a mental note to trim my split ends.

A photo of Grayson and me tucked into the frame of my mirror catches my attention. We are an attractive couple, no one can deny it. The picture is from last fall, our senior night. I'm tucked under Grayson's arm with my head turned up looking at him, beaming at him. His mouth is open in an authentic smile, one you can tell was not posed for the camera. I'm holding a bouquet of roses that my mom brought for me and he's lifting his football helmet with the arm that isn't draped around me. We look genuinely happy, we were genuinely happy.

Are genuinely happy, I correct myself internally. Things have been awkward lately, ever since I decided we won't be going to the same college in the fall, and especially since I haven't told Grayson yet.

Grayson was offered a football scholarship at Auburn. I also applied there with the intention of following him, however, I changed my mind when I got into my dream school, University of Pennsylvania. I never even told anyone I applied. 

I dread breaking the news to him because he is truly excited for the next chapter of our lives together. He's taking me out for our usual Saturday night burger and fries with our friends at the local hamburger spot. We do the same thing with the same people every weekend. I'm bored. 

"Yeah and our dorms are only like a 3 minute walk from each other." I hear him tell Dylan, his best friend.

"That will come in handy with all the after curfew sneaking around you two will be doing," Dylan slaps his shoulder and laughs.

I look away not wanting the guilt to show on my face.

"What's wrong Ellie? It was just a joke," Dylan says to me shyly.

"Yeah babe, he didn't mean it," Grayson tries to get my attention.

"We all know Gray would never risk his football scholarship by breaking team curfew," Dylan busts out laughing and Grayson shoots him a death glare.

I have to tell him tonight.

"Can we leave?" I ask, sounding whiny.

"Sure babe, are you alright" He answers with a concerned look that somehow makes him even more attractive.

"I just want to talk to you and spend some time alone" I try to say coolly and not like I'm about to drop a bomb on him.

"Ohhhh alone time" Dylan butts in again and starts winking at Grayson

I feel my face flush and I give Grayson an embarrassed stare. The last thing I want him to think right now is that he's about to get laid.

We have never had sex. We've done just about everything you can do that is not actual sex, but we promised ourselves that we would wait until we got to college to take our relationship to that level. My stomach drops at the realization that that won't happen.

I speed walk to his truck without even saying goodbye to our friends. I'm trying to think of what I'm going to say.

Grayson climbs up into his huge truck and slams the door.

"What's your deal?" He asks in a tone that isn't annoyed, but doesn't sound too pleased either, "You barely said a word and now you want to leave after we just got here?"

"I'm sorry," I begin, "I just want to spend time with you and Dylan was getting on my nerves."

"Do you want to go to my house? My parents are still out of town and we could get in the Jacuzzi...." His tone is playful and I know what he is hoping for.

I glance at the clock, weighing the offer. I think of the possible outcomes of the conversation we're about to have and decide that it's better if I'm on my home turf and he can just leave if he gets too upset.

"Let's go to mine. It's closer and my mom said she would be home late."

I innocently look over at him, admiring his sharp jaw and soft eyes. He runs a hand through his perfectly messed hair and without replying shifts the truck into drive.