OCEAN

CHAPTER 3: I Will TRY

MEADOW

I can't believe I bumped into someone. I am so clumsy and an idiot. So much for trying to keep any unwanted attention being brought to me.

I hurried down the hall as fast as I could walk and then while opening the door to the girl's bathroom I went into the stall furthest from the door and locked it then sat down and took out one of my best friends....My razor.

I then began to push my sleeve up and was getting ready to do what I did earlier until I heard the door suddenly open and in watched a group of what I soon discovered were the popular girls of the entire school.

They were laughing and talking about who knows what and I felt irritated as I wanted to just be alone. This was my time. Besides, it was lunch, aren't they hungry? Maybe they are here to throw it all up? I mean, they are skinny. Then again, I guess everyone has their own insecurities.

"Did you see that new girl?" One of them who looked to be like their leader said.

She was the tallest, skinny with a big sized chest kind of a girl. Every man's dream and all about herself.

"I know right?" Says the one who seems to be her sidekick and was just as beautiful but not as big chested and seemed to not be one to think for herself.

I've always been good at reading people.

"I mean come on, you may be new here, but being as fat and ugly as she is, that ain't gonna make you not stand out honey." She comments making the others laugh.

Then with the flip of her hair and while looking at herself in the mirror, her sidekick comments also.

"I thought I was going to gag this morning when I had third period with her. The teacher had even asked her to stand and introduce herself and she just shook her head 'no' and hid her face behind her hair." She says. "She's such a freak."

That was it. It was settled. People that didn't even know me or are going to bother even getting to know me, already seemed to have made their minds up about who they thought I was.

Why was I ever born? Why can't I stop eating my feelings? Why can't I stop cutting myself?

I lift up my shirt and decide to make some fresh 'marks' on my stomach to remind myself that others are right. I am disgusting and ugly. My mom always has said it to my face since I was a kid even before I was big or even started hurting myself. And if she can't love me then who can?

I suddenly heard the bell ring and next I stopped and placed a bandage I had in my bag over the fresh new mark and wait until the girls left before I left and headed towards my next class.

When school was finally done, I made my way towards home while listening to some music and once inside the house, I set down my bag onto the couch then grabbed a snack from the cupboard.

"Hi sweetie." My Aunt Tilly says as she comes walking out her room dressed in a business like attire while my Uncle Martin comes walking out after her wearing a nice business suit.

"Where are you guys travelling to this time?" I asked.

"We have a meeting in Tokyo. We will be gone for only a month. But we have left you the credit card and some extra cash." She tells me.

Both my uncle and aunt work together owning their own electronics business and have made good amounts of money from it but aren't the richest.

"Cool. Have a good time." I tell them both as I grab something from the fridge.

"How was your first day?" She asks me.

"It was okay. It's school." I shrugged.

"Yeah, I remember those days. Well at least you only have a not many more months until you graduate." My uncle tells me.

"Yeah." I nod my head in agreement.

"Well, we need to leave before we are late for our flight." My uncle reminds my aunt.

"Okay. Well, call us if you need anything. I love you." She says as she comes to hug and kiss me on the cheek. As does my Uncle as he tells me he loves me also as I do to them both.

After they left, I sat there on the couch and turned on TV and ate some food. I do like my aunt and uncle a lot and know that they love and care for me and I am glad they respect my space and privacy. At the same time however, I can't help but feel that they are only being nice to me because they are afraid that I am going to take something the wrong way that will cause me to go over the edge and end my life.

Little do they know that that could happen with that being the case or not. I have been feeling bad too that I had promised them I would talk with them before I ever thought about eating my feelings or doing what I did twice this morning at school already but I just don't believe they will understand. Nobody does. The three therapists my parents took me to didn't and the two 'support' groups didn't. This was my final stop before mental institution was an option.

Don't know if there's anything left worth saving in me but I did promise them that I would at least give it my best effort in trying to get better and to give it until the end of the school year. So that's what I'm TRYING to do.

Next chapter will be posted soon! :)