OCEAN

CHAPTER 9: The Group

MEADOW

Last night was a lot of fun and definitely memorable. I will never forget it. But there's still that fear I have of getting close to anyone.

How can I trust him and give him a chance when I am terrified every second that it's all a dream or a big joke.

I mean look at my mother, she couldn't love me. My OWN fucking mom! The one that is supposed to love you unconditionally and never give up on you, has.

I don't know why I ever even agreed to doing this but, I guess in a way, I want to.

When I woke up this morning, I had woken up to a message from my aunt reminding me about an appointment that she had set me up for with a therapist and was also having me become part of a 'support' group that was part of our deal for me trying.

I hated therapists. They just told you what they learned from a book without grasping the true reality of how you feel. They tell you things get better. But yet they have never been in your shoes before.

I took in a deep breath and headed off towards the bus stop since my car was still being fixed in which Ryker assured me we would discuss this weekend.

While on my way, I couldn't help but listen to my music as I looked out the window and thought about last night.

Then once the bus stopped, I got off and looked at this little building that seemed to be where A.A. meetings happened and probably do.

I didn't want to go in. I know I had promised I would try but this was mad. To be around others like me or who claim to know my pain.

I took in a deep breath and then started walking inside where I was greeted with a woman who seemed to be in her mid-forties with red short curly hair, glasses, was overweight, along with a huge smile.

"Hello, is this is your first time?" She asks.

"Yes." I reply.

"Well, welcome. I'm Doreen. I'm a licensed therapist and an ex-cutter along with an emotional eater." She says proudly almost with her hand out for me to shake.

"I'm Meadow." I tell her while shaking her hand.

"It's very nice to meet you. The session will begin in a few minutes." She says.

I just nod, write my name down on a name tag sticker and take a seat in one of the chairs that's in the circle.

I don't make any eye contact with anyone as we wait for Doreen to come over and start. Once she sits down and takes out a recorder along with a notepad and pen, she begins.

"Hello everyone." She greets all ten of us here, including myself.

Everyone replies in unison, 'hello'.

"I would like to welcome a newcomer, Miss Meadow here, to our group." She says.

I feel mortified for her mentioning that. To me that's as embarrassing as having the teacher introduce me for the first time to class.

"Hello." Everyone greets me in unison.

"Now, just so you know, this is a safe place. You will not be judged here only listened to and although I will give you some advice along the way, just keep in mind that I do not judge or anything." She begins.

I don't know what it is but I already have this strange feeling I may be able to trust her in the sense of seeing where this goes and if she really is an ex-cutter and such.

So throughout the whole session, for most of the part at least, she went around (skipping me of course) to say how their week's went and then went over a few things and 'assignments' she had for us to do before next week's session and then reminded everyone that the seasons were going to being held here but on Wednesday nights.

Then before I left she had also given me a little bag that seemed as though she had it made and inside was a journal along with a couple of pens and such as well as a workbook.

She did have very interesting things to say during the session. Things that made me look at her differently. Almost as though I believed she was like one of us.

On my way back to my house I began thinking that maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Just I can't tell Ryker. At least not yet. I want to first wait and see how far this thing will go.

After the bus stopping near my house, I began walking while continuing listening to a playlist of mine towards my house and was startled as soon as I got there and saw Ryker sitting on the porch.

I took out my ear buds and smiled at him. I can't believe just looking at this guy makes me smile and feel things I haven't ever felt before.

Next chapter will be posted soon! :)