Disclaimer: I'm talking about human interactions here, not religious debates. Read at your own risk.
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What makes a person think they've reached a state of 'unchangeable'?
I'm not sure what compelled me to ask my five year old little cousin this giant conundrum. I obviously used a simpler language, but he looked at me and narrowed his eyes. Let's call him MZ for convenience. He was playing with building blocks, these to be specific (👇🏻), and was in the middle of making an airport.
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He wants to be a pilot this month, last month it was a doctor (ahem 😎). Plus, I don't know what the seal and leopard are doing there lol. Anyway, MZ wasn't too happy to be disturbed. And he said,
"That's such an easy question, Didi. Everyone thinks they know everything, and they don't change for other people."
I didn't expect him to say that, mostly because I already had a preformed answer in my head; adulthood. He had put adults and children under the same category, neglecting the fact that age and experience may count. But he was right. Adults do act childishly, more so sometimes than children themselves. I guess we're all guilty of it, but when did we decide we must not change?
I've come across a handful of adults who say things like this is how I am, accept it or reject it, it doesn't matter to me, I am not an easy person to be with and my views are too strong to be changed. They'd tell you how much of a burden they might be on someone else and how hard it is to change their habits because that's how they were built. That's how their experiences in life and their take on maturity has settled. Even if they feel guilty, there's nothing anyone can do.
This is immature.
Being an adult means recognising wrongs within ourselves. It means admitting them before the mirror and working to pluck them out of your character. Why do we call people sensible when they admit they've got faults but do nothing about it? Nurturing an unchangeable habit that is toxic drives people away.
Can you imagine the distaste when someone close to your heart uses the excuse 'I am rude because I am immune to the pain my words have on you. This is how I am.'?
They will tell you how much they hate sugarcoating the truth. They'll tell you what a waste of time it is to be gentle with people. I don't know about you, but to me that sounds really immature.
Sugarcoating the truth is not the same as lying, I'm not sure why it's seen as a weakness. Besides, if you've studied enough people, you'll know there are many other ways of delivering the truth. Why does harshness and a difficult character have to be the only way to speak?
I've always admired Dumbledore for his composure, there was never a scene (despite his experiences) that showed him being anything but gentle. He never believed in anger and stinging words, at least not as much as he did in love.
And he was great at human interactions.
We never reach a stage of 'unchangeable', those who use this as a cover for their actions need to stop and reflect. It doesn't mean you can't be at peace with yourself, but how do sins let you sleep at all at night? It's not that you mustn't be happy either, that's not the definition of looking for faults. It's about finding that part of yourself, which tells you to fear Allah, and making it dominant.
It's because everyday is a new battle.
And optimism is key.
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Additional point: Children have a very clean thinking process, talk with those cuties about philosophy (in a way that isn't boring lol), you won't regret it. They put a lot of things into perspective for us.
