Bodies In Our Cellar (Arsenic And Old Lace 2: Electric Boogaloo)

Act 1, scene 2

(Our scene begins on a dark stage, with the curtains drawn. slowly, two spotlights brighten on the ghostly figures of Abby and Martha Brewster. )

Abby: What a lovely service that was, don't you think, Martha?

Martha: Oh of course! How nice of everyone to come, especially Jonathan. You know, I really didn't expect him to make it.

Abby: Such a shame he and Mortimer haven't made up yet, especially when he said he'd changed and all that.

Martha: Oh yes indeed! There was really no need for those personal remarks, especially towards his doctor friend.

Abby: Quite right dear, but grief makes people act out, we must remember.

Martha: True, Abby. Now, I feel like we should provide a fair bit of context. Many things have changed since Mortimer found Mr. Hoskins in the window seat, haven't they?

Abby: My, how right you are! Now let me see, where to start.

Martha: Well, Mortimer and Elaine got married.

Abby: Oh yes! Sadly it wasn't much to write home about. Just a simple contract signing at the town hall, and a quick vacation to Niagara Falls for the honeymoon, we'd show you all (she gestures towards the stage) but they deserve their privacy.

Martha: Oh, and Jonathan got out of jail. With the help of that doctor of course. It seems that short time behind bars gave him time to think about certain things, which lead to a rather interesting conversation with his friend. Hm. I believe they can explain it better than we can.

(The curtains open, and the two women take their places on either side of the stage, the stage is decorated as a shoddy apartment, where Jonathan and Dr. Einstein stand.)

Einstein: Well Chonny, you're free! Now I must operate as soon as possible, I have many ideas of how to fix the mess I made. Once again, my deepest apologies, Chonny. Now, I am thinking I will be starting with the cheekbones- (he gently puts his hand up to Jonathan's face. Jonathan brushes it away, gently, he flinches.)

Einstein: Chonny, what is the matter? You've been so quiet as of late, well, more than usual. It's odd.

Johnathan, almost melancholy: Doctor, I.....perhaps it would be best if you found employment elsewhere. It's nothing personal, truly....you're an exceptional surgeon, and a most tolerable companion.

Einstein: Oh. I-I see. I'm sorry, Chonny. Does this mean you're going to-? (He draws his finger across his throat)

Jonathan: No, of course not, doctor. I'll call you a taxi. You're a talented man, your death would be a tragedy....to the medical community, I mean. No, I couldn't ever bring myself to...not you. (He realizes he's said too much.) Just please go.

Einstein, confused: I'll go Chonny, but please, please just tell me what this is about?

Jonathan: (finally becoming emotional, losing his calm) Doctor, you're one of the smartest men I've ever met, and yet you can be so, so oblivious! Why do you think I let you call me Johnny? Why do you think I've trusted my life, my very appearance in your hands? I've never....felt things like this before. I can't sleep, I've lost my appetite...you terrify me, doctor. You have this hold on me, and yet, you've never used it to your advantage. Why?!

(Einstein begins to laugh, not unkindly)

Jonathan, utterly defeated: I'm glad it amuses you doctor.