Bodies In Our Cellar (Arsenic And Old Lace 2: Electric Boogaloo)

Act 1, Scene Four

Stage is split down the middle into two sections. One side portrays a kitchen parlor, "modernly" (read as late 40s, early 50s decor) furnished, the other is a cramped, old fashioned, but clean operating room. In the parlor, Mortimer sits at the table while Elaine cooks dinner, in the operating room, Dr. Einstein is finishing surgery on a patient (can be a very still actor or simply a mannequin under a sheet). Lucille enters first, breathless, tries to sneak up the stairs unnoticed but is caught by an irritated Mortimer.

Mortimer: And where have you been all afternoon, young lady? Your mother's been worried sick!

Elaine, firm but calm: Your father's been worried too, dear. You're never home late from school, what's the matter-

Mortimer: I'm not worried, Elaine, I'm mad!   Now Lucille, what on Earth were you doing all afternoon? I thought we instructed you to come straight home from school, just like any other day.

Elaine: Mortimer please, I'm sure she was just out with friends.

Mortimer, trying to be quiet but failing: Elaine, the girl doesn't have friends! None of those school kids talk to her!

Lucille, indignantly: Actually I was out with a friend, father. I was cutting across the cemetery, the one a few blocks downtown, and I met a boy my age. He's...he's very nice and I plan to talk with him again tomorrow. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to my room.

   They excuse her and she exits the stage.

Elaine: Isn't that lovely darling, she's made a friend!

Mortimer: Elaine, didn't you hear? She's met a boy! Nothing good can come from our daughter talking to boys, especially a boy we've never met, and especially a boy from downtown! He could be a ruffian, he could be a gang member! He could-

Elaine, overlapping: he could be a very nice young man with a strictly platonic interest in our daughter. Darling, can't you just be happy for her? I worry about our Lucy. She seems lonely at times. She deserves a friend or a sweetheart, even though I don't think she has any interest in boys, at least not yet. And you could stand to be a little nicer to her you know! She's your daughter too, Mortimer, and I'd like for you to start acting like it. Go upstairs and congratulate her, please dear.

She kisses Mortimer on the cheek, and he exits the same direction as Lucille. This side of the stage darkens. On the other side, Frank loudly enters.

Frank: Hey doc! I'm home!

He slams the door behind him, startling Einstein before making his way over to him and the patient.

Einstein, stern but good naturedly: Child, what did I tell you about coming in while I'm working?

Frank: I know, I know. He tries to peek under the sheet to see the patient's face, Einstein smiles, waves his hand away, and continues working.

Einstein: Why didn't you go straight up to the house when you got home? I'm sure Johnny would like to see you're home safe.

Frank, walking about the operating room: I'll be up to see him in a jiffy, 'sides, I wanted to see who was on the chopping block today! And if I could help, y'know.

Einstein, smiling: Tsk. So morbidly curious...you got that from Johnny. Still, if you must know, for once we've got quite a well-to-do patient in our care. You know I can't name names, Frank, but she's getting another rhinoplasty and more lip injections for her wedding, so I've been told

Frank: Another? I don't think we've ever had her here before...

Einstein: Quite right. All the other places in Brooklyn turned her away, she already had so much work done so it could be dangerous, so she came to our little establishment. Said she'd pay upfront, sign waivers, etcetera. Remember, its not our job to judge, only to help.

Frank: I know doc, I know. Hey, I made a new pal today, on the way back from school!

Einstein: Really Frank? How wonderful for you. You've always had a talent with meeting new people.

Frank: Aw thanks. Her name's Lucy, Lucy Brewster. I think she's from the upper side of Brooklyn. Seemed kinda well off, she was real nice tho, kinda mousy. He pauses, thinking. Say, do you think there's any relation between her and ol' John? I mean he's a Brewster too, ain't he?

   Einstein freezes, seems to be weighing his options as he works.

Einstein: I wouldn't bother him with it, liebling. Brewster is a common name, no? And you know Johnny doesn't like to talk about his family, He smiles, trying to re-lighten the mood. Besides us, of course.

He seems to finish his work. He takes off his gloves and turns to frank, ruffling his hair fatherly

Einstein: Now, how about you go upstairs to the house, and let me take our patient to the recovery room. Johnny will be happy to see you, and you tell him I'll be up to help out with dinner in an hour or so, and you can tell us more about your friend,yes?

Frank, on his way out: Alrighty. Hey, do you think we could go to the drive in sometime this week if we have the cash? There's a new creature feature, something about a fish man from a lagoon?

Einstein: Maybe. You let me talk to Johnny about it, you know he can't stand monster movies. Now go, I know there's school work you still need to catch up on.

Frank nods and exits the stage. Einstein smiles fondly as he exits. It is clear that Frank is him and Johnathan's son, regardless of how he got there. Einstein sighs once the boy has exited, clearly harboring some concern about his new friend.

End scene.