Short story 101

My mama, my peace hero

A mother's presence is important to a child's healthy brain development and future well-being. It is said that we are born of love and love is our mother. No love can ever compare to a mother's eternal and unconditional love for they carry and care a soul growing inside them which is also unknown to them. But why do you think hate and war exist? 

I was always the good girl who didn't missed her five times a day prayer, the quiet student who aces her studies, the responsible sister who took care of her siblings when her parents were at work that she-- I didn't expect that turning 13 I'd be a regular in hospitals and all my dreams would all be shattered in a snap. It was 10 years ago when my agony started, it was when a revelation changed my life upside down and my daily battle with myself started. Everyday was a struggle to get up and continue my life. Being a person with high ambition, I couldn't accept my fate of being the patient instead of the Doctor. 

10 years ago, I was diagnosed with a mental disorder; epilepsy. It might not be as worst as someone who's blind or someone with a terminal disease but having epilepsy hindered me to do what other people can do and to do things I was able to do before. There are lot of dont's and I feared rejection, failure and disappointment that I punished myself for not becoming who I expected to be when I was young. An endless chaos inside my head exhausted me that I begged for my own deathbed. I was ready to give up when my mother taught me her ultimate guide to peace. And trust me, I was only on step 1 but I cried myself of joy after 10  years even when I taught I forgot the feeling of true bliss and I want to share this to all who's in the same shoes as me.

First step was-- acceptance. I couldn't accept my disability that I lived my life miserably. I couldn't find myself nor see my future. But one day pulled into a hug, my mother whispered to my ears, "Our creator will not give you a problem you cannot handle. Everything happens for a reason. You might not know now but someday it will make sense. You are not a burden or a misfortune. Trust in our creator, you have this disability because Allah loves you and he is testing your faith. Not everything is going to go as you planned. Acceptance is the first key to peace, accept that in life there's good and bad, sadness and happiness but your disability does not define you or your future". Yes, I needed to give up on pursuing my childhood dream of being a Doctor but in exchange of that I found myself holding a paper and pen sharing my story, inspiring some and enjoying my freedom of speech. It was a long process but slowly accepting my weakness became my strength.

In this world where greed devours our humanity, my mother taught me the second guide to peace--sacrifice. When I was a kid, my sister would chase me around because I would not give her the chewing gum I was eating. In the end my sister cried herself out and being the eldest my mother lectured me. I didn't understand why I had to sacrifice something I liked just for my sister with no returns but growing up I realized how naive I was. A mother gave much more sacrifice since even without a degree. She can be an account who handles family finances and make sure our tables will never go bankrupt, a doctor who'd stay up at night when we are sick, a Chef who cooks our favorite dishes and a teacher who guides and teaches us the right and wrong with no salary in return but works 24/7, no rest, no stops and no pauses. I remember when my mother told me, "When you were in my womb, the doctor asked me to abort you because you'd grow up suffering, she told me you'd either be an abnormal or a child with an incurable disease but you know what, your father and I decided to keep you. We are willing to sacrifice our lives just to have you because you are our daughter, our first daughter. So whatever you become, whatever challenges is thrown at us we will gladly face it all for you". So tell me, how can I just choose death when my mother chose to fight for my life? Their sacrifice, my mother's sacrifice gave me strength to live.

The third guide to peace was to be kind to yourself. Happiness always start within ourselves. We often want to be on top and push ourselves to our limits, one wrong move and we'll blame ourselves, cursed ourselves and hate ourselves making our lives tormenting. Once again, my mother's words changed my beliefs, " Hating yourself won't do you any good. You are a human, you make mistake. Make peace with your past and don't ever get tired of forgiving yourself. Don't give up on yourself because I will never give up on you". My mother taught me that loving ourselves and knowing our worth gives us peace which is more satisfying than materialistic happiness. 

And lastly, faith. Even when the world turns it back to you, even when all the friends you trusted leaves you, your mother and our creator will always be with you. "When your heart gets heavy, pray. When you feel like crying, cry to him. He'll listen and you'll find an unexplainable peace in your heart". My mother's guide to peace was never wrong so when I find myself lost and in war with my poisonous mind, I see myself kneeling and praying to Allah. Strangely after that, I'd feel in ease and in peace.so whatever happens, the greater the problem, the stronger my faith becomes. 

There are lot more from my mother's guide to peace and I can go on forever but these are her guide that stuck on my mind. No mother in this world is perfect and my mama is no exemption but I can proudly say I have the best mom. My mother is my greatest influence in pursuing peace and continuing my journey in life. Her words kept me going, her guide to peace helped me move forward that's why, I'm here able to write this piece. She accepted me even when I, myself had trouble accepting who I truly am. She sacrificed a lot for me; her time, her effort and her life just to have me. And she believed in me when I cease to believe in myself. A woman can give birth but not all can be a mother, motherhood is a lifetime commitment that put someone else's happiness first before their own well-being. A mother is where all begins, a mother is irreplaceable and a mother is our figure to peace. If not for my mother, I was long dead. I wouldn't be who I am if not for my mama, my peace hero.

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Yeah, so I decided to post this here to remind myself na hindi talaga pang masa ang gawa ko HAHAHAHAHA hindi talaga pang contest mga gawa ko. I tried but yeah, pang watty lang at pagpalipas oras lang mga gawa ko. Sadnu. I have written this long ago. Tbh, wala na akong gana magsulat o magbasa. Sad talaga

[UPDATE: 04.20.23 // This is another true story of mine]