Take What I Can Get | ✓

[8] All The Same

Kaylee didn't go to school the day after.

Not when her eyes were like shards of glass and her heart felt heavy in her hands.

In fact, when she had arrived home the night before, Kaylee had collapsed onto bed, buried herself within her sheets, and cried endlessly through the night. It was surprising how quiet she was during it all; how her sorrows kept screaming but made no sound at all. Perhaps it was instinct. As if a part of Kaylee knew that no matter how hard she cried, the world would never hear her.

The next morning, as her tears ran dry, Kaylee refused to get out of bed. She told her parents that the bags under her eyes and her sniffing nose were just from a cold. That she was tired and wasn't feeling well, which wasn't entirely a lie. And so, she spent the rest of her day cooped up in her room, with her grandmother checking up on her from time to time.

"I made you some Ogokbap," Her grandma said as she entered the room with a tray in her hands. She placed the tray in her nightstand and pushed away the few strands of hair from Kaylee's forehead. "Now eat up before it gets cold."

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry halmeoni."

"I know you're not sick," her grandma said, which made Kaylee look away from her. "What's wrong, Kaylee? Tell me."

At first, Kaylee would have buried her further into her pillow and shake her head. But when she saw her hand, which rested on Kaylee's shoulder, and how the red string tied to her pinky slightly tugged, Kaylee found herself asking, "Halmeoni, why didn't you date after harabeoji left?"

Her grandmother was caught off guard. "Pardon?"

"I mean, you could have found someone — someone good, who treated you better." Kaylee sat up, and although she might have been stepping out of line, she couldn't help but stare straight into her grandmother's eyes with desperate curiosity. "You could have fallen in love. With your...your —"

Soulmate.

"I suppose it doesn't matter to me anymore — the idea of romance or falling in love."

"But why?" Kaylee peered, honestly confused. Because she couldn't comprehend why someone who was lucky to have the red string of fate — someone normal unlike her— could simply pass away such opportunity, when Kaylee didn't even have a choice. "Why give it up when you have the chance to be with someone —"

Meant for you.

"Because I have you. And your brother and your parents. I have a family." She smiled, cupping the side of Kaylee's cheek and rubbing against it gently with her thumb. "And that's more than enough for me."

"Even if it meant not falling in love again?"

"Well, now, here's the thing," Her grandmother said, shifting herself a little so she was closer to Kaylee. "Love comes in different forms — it isn't simply just romance. There's familial love, self- love, platonic love. But you know what? They're all the same. You'll still care for someone, worry when they're not alright, and always be by their side whenever they need you. So, it doesn't matter to me if I don't have the romantic type of love, because I'll always have the others. I'll still always love and be loved."

When Kaylee began to look away, her grandma held up her chin so that their eyes met. "I know that this is about you and Jonah, so let me tell you this, Kaylee — romance isn't everything. Maybe you won't have it, maybe you will. But that doesn't mean there won't be love in your life. Because I love you and I will always love you."

Perhaps that was all Kaylee need to hear. For her perspectives to shift, for her heart to ache less, and for her to feel like she's worth staying.

Because maybe, just maybe, she was.

"Thank you, halmeoni," Kaylee said, pulling her into a hug. "I love you."

Rubbing circles behind her back, her grandmother said, "I know."