Fame's Revenge

Chapter 17: Then

Liz was tired and she felt numb. Who knew an album could take so much out of her? And this wasn't even a full album - it was only 8 songs! What would a full album be like? A whole tour? If this was hard on her, she couldn't imagine those things. It seemed like an uphill battle, and if it wasn't that David wanted her to do this, she would have walked away from all of this a long time ago.

She felt like a zombie as she walked in her front door and towards her room. Her parents tried to ask her how things were going, but it didn't even register. All she could think about was how this was terrifying and so, so hard.

The moment she closed the door to her room she collapsed on her bed. Within moments she began to cry, stifling the sounds with her pillow. David had wanted this for her? Why? Didn't he know how hard this would be for her?

In that moment, she felt a strong hatred for David. The next moment, she hated herself for ever thinking she might hate him. Tears flowed even stronger, causing sobs to escape. She hoped the pillow silenced them but she knew that if anyone was outside of her door they'd hear them. This just couldn't be helped.

One day, she knew, she'd come to terms with this and she'd become so numb to the fear of playing in front of people that she'd be able to play in front of sold out stadiums and it wouldn't even phase her. But right now, in the meantime, it felt beyond her reach.

Tomorrow would be the final song for the album. It would be the last song she'd have to play for people for a while. That thought was enough for her to be able to pull herself together by the time her parents had finished eating dinner.

She stayed a little longer on her bed before making herself get up. It would be another night eating alone, but that was fine by her. She didn't want anyone to see her being a mess. Her parents had to see how she felt at the end of the day, but she didn't want them to know just how bad. She didn't want them to say anything about it.

After she made sure her face was right just in case she ran into anyone, she made her way to the kitchen. As usual, her dinner was in the fridge. She took it out and pulled the lids off. That was one thing she'd realized lately - cold food wasn't as bad as people said it was. So she dug in with her fork as she leaned on the counter. It wasn't worth sitting for. Food was food and it barely interested her anymore.

"I had a feeling you'd be in here," a voice said from the doorway.

Liz froze and slowly turned. Her mom stood there, a worried look on her face. "Hi," Liz said after she hastily swallowed the food in her mouth.

"Hi. We sure haven't seen much of you lately. Between your school work and classes and this music thing you stay gone. Your father and I might as well be living with a stranger." She came closer to Liz. "We love you, sweetheart. What's going on? How's recording? How's school?"

"It's..." She faltered, unsure of how to put it all into words. Her days at school were full of Shay unsure of what to say while Liz fully zoned out and sometimes practiced the song she'd be recording later in the day, at the studio where she stayed scared and anxious and jumpy. She was all but a nervous wreck. By the time she got home she wanted nothing but time away from people. How could she possibly say all of that? "It's... going."

She loved her mom and normally told her everything, but this wasn't something she felt she should tell her because she didn't want her to worry. Liz could do this. She didn't need her mom to worry when she was fine.

Her mom sighed and ran her hand over the side of her head. "Oh, honey. You know I just worry about you. The way you look when you come home - are you sure this is what you want to do? It looks like it's not something that's good for you."