Marshmallow | JJK

01.

Should simply walking out of my own home be so hard? It really shouldn't... right? All I get is shit on and shamed upon.

It's not like I asked for this... and its not like I've never tried change and I guess... better myself for the greater good and whatnot, but nobody said it was ever easy.

And it's not.

It really isn't.

Especially when you try to do something to better yourself, and then the humiliation comes into play. Always having it's own role in every, single, part, of your life. Or should I say mine.

Never trust the "I love you for who you are" with the flirty heart eyes emoji as a face while a smirk and a fake ass persona is all that's behind it.

It's not fun to... be made fun of. To be humiliated, disgusted by your own self, and feel like actual human garbage. I never asked for people to kick me around and set me on fire with their words.

I never wanted to feel weak and vulnerable, crying in my own shell of fat.

And I never gave attitude. But I've slowly made myself unwanted and give into all the bullshit life's thrown at me, to become someone... rude, as some people say.

Why would a simple person who just wants a simple life, who hasn't harmed a fly, want to be or try to be so rude and upset all of a sudden?

They truth is... they don't. I don't. I've only managed to somewhat thicken my skin before it gets ripped apart again.

Shopping for clothes is one of the biggest problems. It's so hard finding the 'right size' or something comfortable to put on and walk out with. It's hard to put outfits together because when you know that when you step in front of that mirror, all you will see is a face filled with guilt, sorriness, and disgust.

Seeing family making the same fake faces they've put on for lord knows how many years, and hearing them say the same shit, every, darn, time.

"Honey, you should try losing weight! You won't have much time left, it's easier to do it now that later!"

"Don't eat these foods, and don't eat too much! Try knocking out some bread and sugars and you'll be okay!"

But have you ever had it to the point where your (barbaric looking, trash assed, full on human garbage, ogre like, inhumane figure of a) father has ever told you multiple times to your face that, "you're such a fatassed bitch!" And start to poke the fuck out of your stomach.. really hard.

That shit fucking hurts.

Or has he ever told you, "All you do is eat, sleep, watch tv, lay on the couch, that's why you're so fat, you fucking pig-assed mother fucker!" ?

Welp, sure happened to me. Does it suck some bad booty? Hohoho it sure does. Can I do anything about it. Nope but I hope he burns... at least after I get the car that I want with his 'help'. Can you do anything about it if this were you?

Well, maybe.

Everyone has told one another to "love yourself!" but trying to accept something and love something that society looks so lowly upon and literally steps, crushes, and burns, such as yourself, in this case, me, it's... really not that easy.

At this point I've lost all hope, all motivation, and am practically an empty shell of so many emotions hidden in a cloud far, far away.

To even think anybody can love me or have actual feelings and affection towards me is a joke at this point. But what can I do? I just fake a smile just like everyone else has done to me, and walk away.

Welcome to the life of being engulfed by society.
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"Damn baby, lookin' mighty fine. Can I grab a bite outta that tasty zebra lookin' ass cutie?"

'I don't have an ass though, I might have tits of pure fat but— WAIT'

I'm red and I don't know how to respond other than gagging at that comment and it surely isn't towards me—

'why the fuck are they looking at me like that— and why are they whistling— what the fuck what he actual fuck.'

. . . "Alright now— who the fuck?"

Next thing I know, there are several dudes surrounding me... all I wanted was a damn walk and think about the shit that I've done today and look back at my horrid story of a life...

'God please help me— I wasn't blessed with a good body and I don't know why these people are after me but I need your help!'
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Le_Mochi~ 💕