Shattered Reality

III

"Hi Jasmine, thanks for coming in. I missed you for our last session, was everything okay?"

I felt drained. I was in a severely depressed state. "I just wasn't in the space to talk about things. A lot of memories were coming to my mind and it just put me in a bad space".

"Do you want to share those memories"?

"I wouldn't know where to start".

"We talked about the abuse. Were there any good memories"?

I thought about it. There were so so many bad memories but there were some good ones.

"Yeah, there were some", I said, smiling as I reminisced. "We went on a week vacation to The Seychelles islands. It may have been the best time we ever had".

October 2013
Seychelles vacation

Our car service pulled up in front of the Maia Luxury Resort. It was breathtaking. I was so excited but exhausted. We just spent 24 hours traveling from Boston to France and from France to here. We had a few hours to explore France since we had a long layover. We were in a good space. They weren't consistent but when we had them I took in every moment.

We had a private villa on the resort and it was beautiful. It had a beautiful view with floor to ceiling sliding doors. We had our own infinity pool right outside of the room. The amenities were abundant. I needed to sleep. We took a quick shower to wash off our travel and went to sleep. We woke up at about 9:00pm. Our dedicated butler had left a spread of delicious eats for us. We were pretty jet lagged so we laid low for the evening. We went out onto our private deck and enjoyed the warm night air. We talked and laughed the whole night. It was these moments when I remembered why I fell in love with Armani. We sat enjoying the beauty we were surrounded by. We made a palette next to the pool and laid there together.

"What are you thinking about?" He caught me daydreaming. I always got lost in my thoughts and fantasy. I had a vivid imagination.

"I'm just thinking of what life would be like if we just left what we knew and our lives and moved to the other side of the world. What if this was home and we woke up to this everyday".

"That's not reality or there wouldn't be need for vacations. Plus I could never do that without my mom. She did so much for us, I owe her the world". These were the rare times Armani would open up and be down to earth.

"I love the way you love your mom. She means so much to you".

"Of course. She was the only person who listened and understood me when I went downhill after my father passed". We were laying facing each other and I stroked his face while he spoke. I could see so much pain in his eyes when he spoke of his dad.

"We literally lost everything when my dad died. He didn't have anything in writing when he died and since he and mom weren't married she had no claim to anything. His family took the house, sold it and put us out. The sadness in my moms eyes, Jas, I will never forget that. She couldn't take care of us the way she wanted so when she met Lamont and his money was long, she went all in. He raised us but his values as a man were far different than my dads.  Where my dad was patient and humble, he was aggressive and boastful.
He felt a man should rule his home with a mighty fist and the woman should be lucky to even be linked to him.  I remember when I was 16 my girlfriend broke up with me in front of the whole lunch room. Tiffany was one of the baddest in the school but she wasn't mean. She was smart and polite and popular. I was sick after that. I was moping around the house like a lost puppy", he laughed at the thought. "Lamont came in and was like what the fuck you pouting for nigga, man up. I explained the situation and he straight laughed in my face. He said boy if you don't pick your bitch ass up. He asked me who her best friend was. I told him Nicole was probably the most stuck up girl in the whole school. He said bet, so what you need to do is fuck her. I was shocked as shit. I started stuttering and shit like nah I can't get her. Plus, that would hurt my ex and cause them to not be friends. He looked at me like I was the dumbest motherfucker ever. He smacked me upside the head and said duh bitch that's the point".

As he told me the story, I got the vision of more of an older brother and not of a father figure. But what did I know about what a father was. I caught myself drifting into my own sorrow and pushed it out my mind and focused back on Armani.

"So boom, the next day I'm leaving the school I start heading to go walk to the bus and this bad ass Lambo pulled up. Everyone was admiring it. The windows had black out tints. It was dope. Then the window rolled down. It was Lamont. My jaw hit the floor, babe. He called me over to get in. All my friends were going crazy running up to the car giving me dap. Even dudes that wasn't my friend was giving me dap and head nods. I caught the eyes of Tiffany, Nicole and the rest of the "it" girls. Tiffany was giving me a mean stare as girls were flocking around the car. Nicole was looking at me like I was dessert after supper. I waved at them, and all of them but Tiffany waved back. She hit Nicole on the arm for waving. We pulled off. I was amped. I was on top of the world. Lamont looked at me and was like lil nigga I just got you mad pussy, you owe me nigga. I was smiling like the Cheshire Cat. It worked though. Nicole was on my back. I took her to junior prom and took her virginity that night".

I shook my head at him. "Just trifling. So what happened with her".

"It's actually pretty messed up. So the day after prom, Tiffany ran up on us at the post prom block party. She gave Nicole the business. I felt so bad that I stepped in and dragged her off by her hair. Shit got ugly after that. She sent her older brother and cousin to my house to fight me. They rang my bell and when I opened the door, they started jumping me. We ended up in the den fighting when my mom came running down screaming and yelling for Lamont. Next thing I know, he starts busting off shots. I ran behind the sofa and the dudes ran for the door. He caught one in the leg on their way out.  He didn't go to jail because he was defending his home. Fast forward a few weeks later, I get a call from Nicole. She's crying and not making sense. I'm like what's going on I can't understand you. She says I'm pregnant".

I'm way to deep into this conversation. "What???? pregnant??? Oh hell nah. So what happened".

"I told her I wasn't ready for a baby", he answered. I rolled my eyes so hard. Typical. Not ready for babies but not ready to wear condoms. I was getting kind of mad at him. I let him finish.

"She started crying more and I hung up. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I went to Lamont. He was like cut her off and don't respond to her. That's what I did. I avoided her for the rest of the summer. That was until she showed up at my house with her father. He had just learned she was pregnant and was pissed.  My mom let him in and we all sat down. Lamont got straight to business. Look it here, I don't know what y'all thought, but my son is not raising no baby, he said. My mom, being a woman, stepped in to try to make some sense of things and he slapped the shit out of her in front of all of us. This is a mans conversation so shut your ass up, he yelled at her. She left the room. I was mad but I was scared so I didn't say or do anything. No one said anything. He continued with the conversation. He looked at Nicole's father and said, unless you want to have your daughter to be a single teen mom, I would suggest she get rid of it and I will pay for it. When Nicole went to protest that idea, Lamont pulled out his gun sat it on the couch next to him. He stared her father in the eye and asked how much. Her father was stuttering and stammering. 2000, he said. I'll give you $2000. That should be enough to get that done and do a little shopping to get over it. He gripped his gun at his side and asked if they had a deal. Probably fearing for both of their safety, the father took the money and got ghost".

I was sad. Sad for the young girl who's body was violated for a price. For the father who was scared to the point he didn't think of what the damage would be to his daughter. I was sad for Armani's mom being humiliated like that. I was sad for Armani. For the fact that this was the man he had to look up to. This is the man who created the monster inside of him. Who taught him instilling fear and degrading others made him a man. I felt sorry for him. It made me feel like I had to be patient with him and understand that when he turned on me it was what he was taught. How do I rehabilitate a broken boy who became a broken man? Is that even possible?

The rest of our trip was amazing. Private chefs, excursions, seeing all types of plants and animals, helicopter rides to other islands. It was what dreams were made of. I felt like a queen the whole time. He catered to me and wanted to make sure everything was perfect. The sex was amazing. I realized later when I found out I was pregnant that it happened on this trip. Everything seemed like it was going to be good from here on out.

Things aren't always what they seem.

Chapter 4 coming soon