The Whirlwind and The Still Lake

Chapter 2: I'm So Sick of Fateful Meetings

The wind ruffled the nest of curls sat on top of my head. I found a rosy wooden bench at sat down carefully, seeing if yesterday's rain had soaked it through. Luckily, it was only slightly damp, so I sat and relaxed, staring at the haze of blue accented in small fluffy clouds.

The fog that had been muddling my brain cleared with the crisp winter morning, blowing out like the puffs of warm breath clouding around me. I remember another day like this...

I was in primary school, the first day of June. All the children had been pairing their classmates up with me as a joke, because to even be thought of  as remotely associated with me was so utterly disgusting. I'd ignored their careless teasing all the way until Year 5, drowning any and all emotions in the pages of a book, soaking my sorrows in words and descriptions, hiding my story in the ventures of another being far more deserving than I.

'Ugly' is  far too ambiguous, far too vague. My absolute distaste for the pitiful nature of my pathetic existence made me yearn to soak my horror in my own words, precise and concise in their shunning of me.

I found these perfect words, and I carved them into the smooth skin now ridged with lines of hate.

I was snapped from my depressing reverie by a tall figure approaching me, slim and beautiful.
So nothing like me, then.
Warily, I eyed them as they walked towards me slowly, like I was a frightened mouse. As I quickly scanned her, noting the sapphire eyes and springy curls of black hair floating around her, I realised we had art together, but she always sat in the front so I never really saw her face.

"Hey.." She said softly, lilting voice soothing and calm. "I'm Vera. What are you doing up here?"
"Not much. Enjoying the view..?" I gestured awkwardly towards the skyline, and as she turned to look was struck by the dizzying urge to draw the image before me, a gorgeous girl outlined against a breathtaking background that no longer seemed so tainted by older memories.

She turned towards me again and smiled the sweetest smile.
God was she lovely.
"A beautiful guy for a beautiful sky, hmm?" She flirted, teasing. My cheeks immediately warmed as I mumbled self-consciously, "I-I'm female, but thank you... you're not so bad yourself."I tried to return the compliment with confidence I didn't feel.
"Sorry! I shouldn't have assumed.." She stuttered, flustered.The bell rang distantly. "See you around?" She blurted, before hurrying towards the stairs.
"Yeah! I'm Seyara by the way." I called after her.

                                                  *

Hours later, her compliment still circled my head.
Beautiful girl for a beautiful sky, huh?
She was just being nice...                                                                                                                                                                                     As much as I thought that, just the image of her beautiful smile made me almost...happy. Her stunningly blue eyes were just so kind and honest, I almost believed she was being genuine.

Almost.

You really think anyone thinks your beautiful? Why don't you take a quick look in the mirror, see what we can find that's beautiful.

I'd argue, but you can't really argue with your thoughts, just second-guess them. At least she was beautiful.. I was complimented by someone gorgeous, and that's all I need. As much as I wanted to get to know her, I already know how it would go. I'd fall, hard, for her and for the attention she pays me, and I'd have to squash my feelings for the sake of our friendship or suffer through a relationship where I always felt that I was wasting her time that she could be spending looking for someone better. And that's if she was even interested in women and didn't care that I was trans and depressed as shit. Her little "See you later?" Was completely forgotten.

And that was how I found myself at the school gates, waiting for Vera to pass by so I could ask her for her number.

A/N

It's been a while - at least a year, a name change (I'm not trans I just hate my name and love sorely needed representation)and a massive lack of motivation, but with the social distancing I have far too much time in my hands so hopefully I might actually update more than once a year..hope you enjoyed the new chapter, stay safe and stay happy. -Arin