Jean x Marco

Late nights

I opened the door of the bunkhouse haphazardly, wincing as it creaked, normally I took a lot more care when sneaking back in, but tonight I was too disheartened to even cover my tracks. I hoped that I could just slip into bed without having to confront anyone, god knew it was late enough for everyone to be fast asleep. Please, just let them be asleep. But as the door creaked a figure rose from the bed closest to the door, "Ay! Jeans Back." Connie announced. "Keep it down, you're going to wake the whole damn bunkhouse!" I hissed under my breath. "Actually we're already awake." Said the familiar voice of Reiner, I looked up to see that almost all of my bunkmates were already sitting up in bed, I face-palmed, "You were... waiting?" I asked. "Well of course." Reiner replied, "We did have a wager going." I looked up at him, wanting to die. "Ha! Reiner, he came back before midnight! I win! You owe me half of your meals for a week!" Connie exclaimed. Reiner sighed, "Really Jean, you couldn't hold out any longer with this one? I was counting on you being with her until at least three." I looked away in embarrassment, I hated talking about my personal life. "So, any details?" Asked Connie, "Got a name?" "Was she pretty?" Armin chirped in. "Does it matter?" I asked wearily. "Of course it does." Said Reiner. "Guys, can't you tell he's tired, plus, whoever it is its his personal business." That voice... Marco. I turned to look at him, I had hoped that he at least would be asleep. My breath caught in my throat as I met his hazel eyes. "You aren't just a little but curious?" Asked Thomas, challenging him. "Not really, it's his secret, he'll share it if he wants." Marco said adamantly. "Fine." Sighed Reiner "Everyone go to sleep." This command was obeyed without question, although Reiner was just a cadet like the rest of us everyone seemed to listen to him, it was something I had not yet figured out how to harness for myself. When the sounds of gentle snores filled the bunkhouse I shuffled down to Marco's bed, I sat down on the edge, "Marco? Are you awake?" I whispered. He sighed and rolled over, "You know I am." He sounded tired, and slightly irritated, had I done something to upset him? The thought weighed heavily on my soul. "Thanks." I said, "You really covered for me back there." He sighed again, why was he doing that? "It's nothing, get to sleep Jean." He said dismissively. "Wait." I said suddenly, just wanting an excuse to talk to him longer. "What?" He asked. I looked at his face, damn, he was perfect, from his shining black hair to his freckled cheeks... Marco. "What is it Jean? I'm tired ok. If you don't have anything to say then just go to sleep." The irritation was plain in his voice and I winced back from it. But I was determined not to back away, I wanted to talk to him. "Are you really not the slightest bit curious about who it is?" I asked. "It's really none of my business now is it Jean?" He growled. "But don't you want to know?" I asked again. He sighed once more, "Fine, who?" I realized that I should have picked another topic. "I don't know." I admitted. Marco rolled over to face me, his gaze was hostile. "You don't know, you came to bug me for that?" I flinched at his words, why was he acting so cold? "It's not that I don't know." I said defensively, "I just don't know her name." Marco looked away in disgust. "Why does that not surprise me anymore Jean?! Every damn night it's a different girl. What the hell is wrong with you?! When are you going to learn that these girls aren't just tools for you to use and throw away?!" I was surprised by his outburst, I had never seen him act like this. I felt his words chip away little bits of me, if only he knew the truth. If only he knew that the reason it was a different girl every night was that they were all just cheap distractions, that the person I wanted to be with most was him, but of course he could never know that. He sighed again, "I'm sorry Jean, I'm just really tired." He said this without meeting my eyes. "Yeah, no problem." I said, feeling my heart break slightly. "You should get some sleep." He said after a moment of silence, was that his way of telling me to leave? "Sure. Goodnight." I said dejectedly. I crawled back into my own bed, I tried thinking about the girl, that eased the heartbreak slightly. In all honesty the sex had been good, and she had been nice, too nice for her own good really, I knew that she was the kind of girl who would expect me to talk to her, maybe I would, she was pretty after all, maybe I could pursue a relationship with her, what was her name? At least then I'd have an excuse to avoid Marco in the bunkhouse, but the though of avoiding him hung like a weight on my chest. I tried to think about the sex again, it was the only piece of driftwood I could cling to in the ocean of Marco that swam through my head. Marco had been right when he had yelled at me, and I felt guilty, it wasn't that I wanted to hurt the girls, it was just that I would never feel the way they wanted me to. I thought about the nervous girl with varying degrees of regret, it had probably been her first time, I sighed, it wasn't fair to her, I knew that, she would be upset, but she would get over it, I hoped, better to cut her loose sooner rather than later. Then again, the sex had been good, I wouldn't complain about the opportunity to be with her again. Maybe I should be honest with her, maybe she would be willing to pursue something entirely platonic, I sighed, probably not. Eventually I finally closed my eyes and drifted off into nightmares, I had hoped that exhaustion would spare me from them tonight, but I was wrong.