If Only He Loved Me Too

chapter 1

Erika P.O.V

"Ma'am, it's time," my secretary informs me and I glance at the wall clock in my office, huh! its almost 9 pm. time runs faster when you love what you do.

I smile at Sarah "You can go ahead, I will lock up when I'm done" I smile at her and she gives me a worried look, I know that look. she has been giving me that look for almost four years now.

Sarah is in her late forties with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a friendly smile always plastered on her face, maybe not right now but it always there

I smile at her again "I'll leave in 10, I promise" she smiles back but still worried, but leaves none the less. I sigh and get back to my work it's hard, working for an IT company also as the General manager but I've worked hard for this position and it's worth it.

I pack up in 10 minutes as promised and lock my room. I walk down the hallway to the elevator and press 0 at the parking lot. I walk to my black Auston martini and drive off to my house or OUR house I sigh and park in our driveway but find it completely empty. it's not a surprise that I'm home alone and I know it's been like this for four years but it still hurts, it didn't in the beginning but now it does.

grabbing my bag from my car I get out, I press my forefinger at the scanner and open the door, being the IT person has its perks, I've installed all the high tech technology in my house.

I walk inside the dead silent two-story house, I don't have maids because we are almost never home, I change into comfy cotton shorts and one of Dimitri's shirts and walk into the kitchen to make myself dinner.

who is Dimitri, you ask?

Dimitri is my husband, been like that for almost four and a half year, it doesn't really matter though cause it's gonna very end soon.

I glance at my bag and give it a long sad and longing look, I didn't mean for it to end like this but this is how it's supposed to be. it's almost five years and our time is up.

I shake my head to rid of these thoughts and concentrate on making dinner. I continue to cut, boil and fry vegetables and chicken until it's medium cooked. I have my dinner in silence and put the dirty dish in the dishwasher, cracking my stiff neck a little I walk back into my bedroom for some much-needed sleep, its the biggest room in the house with an attached bathroom, a walk-in wardrobe, dressing table, double couch, coffee table and a double bed with beautiful side tables.

I should feel great with all this luxury but I don't, it doesn't matter how much these costs but money alone is never enough, it wouldn't hurt so much if it were just me but being married and alone is kind of sad and depressing. I know I  don't have the right to complain since I agreed to this but no matter how many times I console myself I just can't seem to get rid of these feelings. 

As expected sleep didn't come to me that easily no matter how much I try to just blank out, I just can't. I keep glancing at the clock on the side table and it reads 2:30 am. 

he is still not home

he should be here, he is not even in another country like always, he was home but still not here. this always makes me think of the first time I did this, waiting for him I mean. it will always feel like that.

sometimes I wonder why I even agree to such a thing but then I think of my lovely family, their smiling faces make me forget that I live like this. it's worth it though, the deal with the devil, it's totally worth it.

but I wish I had just stuck to the contract as he did, not fall for his charm, not think of his whereabouts, not wait for him at the dinner table, not feel so stupid for feeling this way, sometimes I curse myself to feel like this, and what I hate the most about myself is that I have fallen in love with him.

Maybe it's the Idea of him, or that nother matter how rude or mean he is towards me we share the same reason for our marriage.

He did it for his family and I did it for mine, but the difference is that I let my emotions get involved and that is something he didn't let happen. He stayed ture to the contract and I feel like an idiot of not doing the same

But I hate still myself for wishing that

IF ONLY HE LOVED ME TOO!