Alone Together (Gallavich)

twenty-one

ian

It was about two weeks since Mickey took me to the clinic. To put it bluntly, it sucked. I felt permanently damaged and scarily like Monica. The doctor said the medication could last my whole life, that'd it'd really fuck with me at times and, holy shit, she was right.

For starters, I couldn't get a hard on half the time Mickey and I were together which was not only embarassing but fucking dissapointing after everything that would lead up to it. I could tell Mickey was getting frustrated with it too despite him just joking about it and moving on whenever it happened - or didn't happen I guess.

Other than that though, my emotions were all fucked. I went from feeling absolutely numb to totally fine way quicker now. In all fairness to the doctor, that's a side effect of one of the many many pills I have to take now and it's not a huge surprise that I'm feeling this way, but it seems a little counter productive if you ask me to prescribe a drug to stop mood swings where one of the biggest side effects is exactly that. But screw me, what do I know? Guess that's why I'm the one taking and not giving the meds. The doctor said it should wear off once my body adjusted to the dosage, but she also said that could take up to five weeks.

"It all depends. It's a case by case basis," I believe were her exact words.

Case.

That's all I was now - just some tally in the book of fuck ups and psychos living on this earth, waiting to either be given medicine or to drive themselves crazy enough to overdose on it. In hindsight, the prior seemed like the better of the two options. I'd rather feel soul crushingly dead for a few days than actually be dead forever. Especially with how everything's been going.

Trust me, I wasn't happy. I think it's gonna take a lot more than some meds to make me feel truly happy again, but there were definitely positives in my life right now - moments that felt really good to be a part of when I could actually focus on them. Biggest thanks of course had to go to Mickey for that one. I'll admit, I was scared for a bit that either I'd get too much for Mickey to keep up with or he'd just babysit me to the point where I'd want him to leave me alone. Luckily though, that wasn't the case. For a guy who seemed so stone cold and bitter at first, Mickey really was stepping up as the ultimate boyfriend. The man would fucking run to Milwuakee on foot with me if I asked him to.

It's strange because whenever I'm manic, I don't know it - it just feels normal to me. It's not until I'm snapped back into reality that I can see that I was being fucking nuts. With Mickey though, he makes it all feel justified, like my craziness is just how it's gonna be and yeah that sucks but that doesn't mean everything's gotta feel like shit all the time. And I don't mean he babys me into thinking there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all going to be okay. If anything, it was the opposite with Mick. He'd just go with my insanity, staying up with me when I couldn't sleep and all I wanted to do was run around or clean or do some crazy shit, just to spend hours in bed with me when I couldn't get up the next day. Even when I would yell at him to leave me alone, he'd just take a pillow from the bed, grab a blanket from the hallway and lay on the floor next to my bed til I needed him close again.

God, just fucking thinking about all the shit I dragged him through these last couple weeks tires me out.

He deserved a break from being caged away in my crowded wreck of a house. Between making sure I wasn't gonna explode or anything while also making an effort to contribute to my family (hanging out with Liam, helping with chores... shit like that), it was safe to say that Mickey needed a day away from the house more than anyone else I know.

The temporary sanity I was feeling last night and today led me to want to do something for Mickey. Nothing crazy of course since I'm broke as hell and could snap at any point, but enough to let him know I care about everything he's been doing. He was practically keeping me from suffocating and all I could give back to him was 10 minutes of making out before my limp dick ruined the mood. So, I did the next best thing that I could think of.