(To Be) No Longer (In Love With) Human(s)

An unexpected meeting with a fluffy hat monster.

"Ram-Chan, you're quite attached to me for reasons unknown," Izaya typed away on his laptop in the rundown apartment he'd managed to purchase. Luckily finding work around here was simple enough. Rampo hugged his waist munching on snacks and watching his fingers move. He still hadn't spoken a word since finding out the truth.

"I think we are going to get a visitor today," no sooner had he said that the door was kicked open. "My, my, you're here earlier than I expected, Fyodor-kun."

"I imagine you're 'Kanra'?" his dead eyes scanned the room. "This wasn't quite what I imagined."

"Oh? Is a rat judging my way of life?" Izaya continued typing. He hadn't looked up once. Rampo's eyes were closed but his face stared at Fyodor.

"Kanra, I suggest you stay out of this war," he took a step forward. His hands were in his pockets simply waiting for the right moment to strike.

"Funny, considering you're the one that caused the most damage recently. Nice touch, though, with that little leader tied to leader move. I would've done something similar under different circumstances," Izaya snickered. "Humans are so interesting, don't you think?"

"Humanity is wretched."

"Humanity now is wretched."

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean, Fyodor-kun. You hate this life of superpowers just as much as I do." Izaya looked up to stare him in the eyes. "Shall we form a partnership?"

"Are you trying to play both sides. I know you visited the Agency."

Izaya smirked. "I'm an information broker. I play all sides. Does a farmer analyze all of the people that stop at his stands? Of course not. He simply sells his goods."

"How can I trust you won't withhold information or lie? You're new to this city."

"You don't trust anyone, Fyodor-kun, that's what makes you so good at what you do. You're going to cross-check my information with at least five other sources. Eventually, after enough times, you'll stop once I've checked out. I sell information. I don't lie. That would be bad for business."

"But you don't tell all of the truth, otherwise there wouldn't be anything to sell."

"Precisely."

"Tell me the abilities of everyone at the Agency."

"Fyodor-kun," Izaya stopped typing and rested his chin on his hand. "Why would I tell you information you haven't paid for? And information you know already too..."

"Why do you assume I know?"

"You purposefully got yourself caught and destroyed an entire ship just to get the file on the Armed Detective Agency members." Izaya shook his head in disappointment. "Are you testing me?"

"Then," Fydor pointed to Rampo. "Tell me his ability."

"You're testing me again," Izaya sighed. "Did you think I wouldn't tell you he didn't have one? Surprise, surprise, Fyodor-kun, that's a well-known secret. This boy has raw deduction talent. A real genius," Izaya patted Rampo on the head, to which the (now mute?) sleuth nuzzled his head against his hand.

"I think we will be seeing more of each other, Kanra," Fyodor turned on his heel and exited the room. The door closed behind him.

"Thank you for not killing me!~" Izaya called after him, before typing away. "The more people I meet in this city, the more I'm starting to miss my miserable Shizu-Chan," he sighed. "But I must admit this is getting more entertaining. Isn't that right, neko?" Izaya turned his head to see the cat in his window. He smiled, waved, and went back to business. "Tell the President and Dazai-kun I said hi, would you?" he asked, before moving an othello piece on a chessboard. He then moved a shogi piece and then a checkers one.

Rampo stopped hugging Izaya and instead rested his head on his thigh. He yawned and fell into a light sleep. "Ah," Izaya rubbed his head, "I really hope I don't see any vending machines here. Do they even have them? I might be blocking them out subconsciously. Damn those wretched things."

IZAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAA-KUUUUUUUUUUUN

The male whipped his head around to stare out the window. No one was there. It was his imagination. "He really hit my head hard if I'm imagining him all the way out here."

Rampo rolled off of Izaya's lap and all the way over to the gameboard. He moved pieces around and placed the black queen in the center before knocking it over. "Oh?" Izaya's lips curved upward in a mischievous grin. "Are you helping me now? You might be right though. It's time to talk to him, isn't it? Unfortunately, dear Ram-Chan, I can't take you along on this trip. Are you going to be okay on your own?"

Rampo curled up in the corner as if he were a cat and yawned. He shooed Izaya away with his hand and grabbed a blanket. "No need to insult me," Izaya pouted. "I'll come back soon, unless, well, they kill me?" he smiled and skipped off. The knife still in his pocket. The nasty smirk still plastered on his face. It's time to visit the mafia. Mori should be expecting him any minute.