Heavy: Hello, Wattpad! I am Heavy Weapons Guy and today I answer stoopid baby questions from tiny baby men. Let us begin.
***
Q: Heavy, how much do you weigh?
Heavy: Uh..... *Stands on a weight*
Weight: IT'S OVER 9,000!!!!!!!!! *EXPLODES*
***
Q: How do you make a sandvich? I would love to know the recipe.
Heavy: Excellent question! First you need ingredients. To make a sandvich, you will need bred, TO-MAY-TO, ham, and cheese! Poot da cheese on da bred and then poot da ham and TO-MAY-TO on da cheese. Smash everything together and you make a delicious sandvich!
Spy: HEHEHEHHE *Grabs the sandvich and runs* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO LONG FATMAN
Heavy: SPY! COME BACK WITH SANDVICH!
***
Q: Can I have Sasha? I'll give you 100 sandviches for her.
Heavy: NO! NOBODY TOUCH MAH GUN.
Spy: *places finger on Sasha* LOOK AT ME I'M TOUCHING HEAVY'S GU-
Heavy: *PUNCHES SPY INTO SPACE* NO
Spy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
***
Q: I have one word for you. POOTIS.
Heavy: OHH NOOOO-
Pootis birds: *Swarming Heavy* POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS
Heavy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
***
Q: Heavy, what is your love like life?
Heavy: Kiss me! *Making out with Sasha*
Scout: OH GOD WTF
Soldier: MY EYES THEY ARE ON FIRE
Pyro: [I have the weirdest boner right now]
***
Q: Heavy, were you always giant?
Heavy: Truth be told, Heavy wasn't always giant man that made tiny baby men cry. Heavy used to be tiny like baby men. Heavy had to eat many sandviches to become giant man.
Scout: So you're basically saying you had to get really fat?
Heavy: N O *Slaps Scout so hard he turns into a Roblox character*
Scout: O O F
***
Q: What was the worst thing Spy has done to you?
Heavy: Hmmm....
*Flashback*
Spy: *Replaces Heavy's sandvich with a cobb salad while he was in the bathroom* Hahahahaha!
Heavy: *Walking out of the bathroom* Doh do doh, doh do doh do come sing with m.... *Sees his sandvich missing and a salad in its place* SANDVICH? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
***
Q: What is your favorite pastime?
Heavy: *shredding down a bunch of Spies with Sasha* AHAHAHAHAHAHA! CRY SOME MORE!
Spies: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
***
Q: Is Scout your best friend?
Heavy: Yes!
Scout: What? No I'm not! That fatso ain't my friend.
Heavy: *Death stares at Scout* DA FUK DID YOU JUST SAY YOU TINY PIECE OF SHET?
Scout: Uh... YEAH WE'RE DEFINITELY BEST FRIENDS!
Heavy: Very good! :D
***
Q: How many times do you have to visit the doctor's office?
Heavy: Uh...
Medic: More times zhan you can count.
***
Q: How many Heavies does it take to kill a Spy?
Spy: *whistling while walking down the road*
30 Heavies: *stampeding towards Spy* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Spy: ಠ_ಠ oh SH-
YOU ARE READING
Team Fortress 2 Q&A
HumorA retarded Q&A session featuring most of the characters from TF2.
