stevens pov
my thoughts felt like a ten pound weight crushing me from within, soda was trying to tell me something but i wasn't even listening, i couldn't hear her over the ringing and different voices chanting in my head
i'm just like my mother
was i?
i couldn't even heal her pearl and on top of that, she made a comparison straight away from me just being me
is she right?
it looked like she accepted the forever stained scar but that wasn't enough, it's still there because i couldn't fix it
do people still think of me as pink diamond? because of my stupid glowing pink eyes and my hideous pink gem
did it scare them?
for once i couldn't undo one of my mother's muck ups
why?
because i'm just like her
i'm as bad as her
i'm as horrible as her
people hate me
people fused just to hurt me
people don't like my help
people would rather if pink were still here
"just shut up!" i yell
the woods rumble and the ground around my feet shatter with my stomp
leaves are shaken off their branches and fall to the ground, just like soda
the surroundings settled and soda had fallen to the ground from my mini earthquake
her eyes were fearful as she slowly tried to back away, still on the dirt
the pink hue i didn't know appeared slowly faded and my thoughts become my own again
"no not you! i'm sorry" i try rushing over to her but the fright she's feeling won't settle
soda scrambles to her feet and continues backing away
"soda i'm sorry.. i wasn't talking to you"
"w..who were you talking to?"
"..i don't know"
she looks me up and down before bumping into a tall old tree, no longer able to step back
"i said i'm sorry"
she doesn't answer, she wasn't even looking at me anymore
her eyes had fixated on the mess behind me
the dirt was cracked and the nearby tree had lost many leaves
a small crater was left as a dent in the area i once stood
my body turned itself almost all the way to the destruction, but my feet stayed planted
a small familiar noise broke my gaze of the mess and i turned sharply back to soda, right in time to pull my sheild out and block her attack
"soda! what are you doing?!"
she swings again and again despite never being able to damage my sheild
one big swing knocks me too the ground, hard enough to steal my balance but still not enough to even scratch the defense surface
through the pink transparent hologram i saw soda
her eyes were confused dazed and scared
enough was enough and i pushed her off
i saw her summon another weapon and that's when i decided to end this
quickly i tackled her to the ground with a thump and pinned her arms above her head to restrict any further attacks
i could feel her kicking as i held her down, trying to apologise despite being really confused
her eyes were closed tightly and she was shaking her head violently
"soda?"
"don't! i won't do it again!"
i loosened my grip
"i'm sor-"
"i promise i'll stop! just stop!"
i was scared and didnt want to hurt soda so i quickly got off of her
she scrambled and huddled with her arms shielding her traumatised face
slowly i knelt down infront of her to be eyes and she slowly stopped shaking.. cautiously lowering an arm and peering at me
"i'm sorry"
realisation filled her glassy y/c/e and she lowered both of her arms
"i'm sorry! you didn't do anything!"
"but i scared you?"
soda still looked frantic but i thankfully calmed her down
"it's not just you"
"do you want to talk about it?"
she sighed and took a calming breath of air
"i just had a flashback that's all"
"because of me..?"
"n..no.. well yeah? but it's not really your fault!"
i gave her a look to show i needed more of an explanation
"just from childhood.. the orphanage yanno..?"
"did something happen there.."
she looked around, as if to avoid the question
"soda.. did something happened there?"
"well.. um sometimes i'd spill something and they would just get a bit mad"
"then what?"
...
"then what..?" i repeated
she lifted her shirt up and revealed long marks and pink scars that stretched around her back and stomach
"did they hurt you?"
"it was my own fault, i should've been more careful"
"are those marks from a.."
"a belt."
"soda! i'm sorry i didn't mean to remind you of that"
it was my fault she had that short episode, she must've been terrified of me.
i'm worse than my mother
