The Huge Magical Snake Problem

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The patronus shook its head sadly. How a patronus could experience any emotion other than pure joy was beyond Harry, but he just guessed that this stag was unique.

"I am truly sorry that your scars haven't completely vanished." Severus was still standing by the door.

Harry shrugged. "I really didn't expect them to be gone. I'm just happy that they aren't red and angry anymore. And, I haven't had to take a pain potion, either!"

He turned away from the mirror and touched the stag's nose. "I really don't blame you. You did all you could." The majestic creature nodded its head, and vanished.

Harry, not surprised, turned back to Severus. "So. What are your thoughts on this?" he asked.

Severus started to walk back to the living room, Harry following him. "I am not certain what the range of this parseltongue magic is. There are a few books on that topic, now that I think about it, but the few books that exist are very rare."

"So... what you're saying is that that what we know will be through trial and error?"

"Essentially."

Harry sighed. That would be very tedious, seeing what every individual spell was like in parseltongue.

"Where will we do that?"

"I am making arrangements."

HPHPHPHPHPHP

The next morning, Madam Pomfrey was leading Dudley down the staircase leading to Severus's quarters. The boy was oddly quiet. The matron guessed it was because of the sheer intimidation of the dark and forbidding hallways along the way.

She remembered the first few times she had treated the large boy. He had seemed extremely wary of her, shifting around quite a few times. But, when it became obvious she meant no harm, he had warmed up to her right away. She figured Dudley was uncomfortable with change of any kind.

Soon enough, they had arrived in front of Salazar Slytherin's portrait. Poppy really liked the old man - his acerbic wit and sarcasm agreed well with her. She ought to visit more often.

Severus had given her the password to his rooms earlier. "Coulbrid," she said, smiling.

"Ah, Poppy! Long time, no see! And who is this young man, here?" He peered down at Dudley, who looked slightly terrified to see the stern-looking wizard scrutinizing him so closely.

"This is Harry Potter's cousin, Dudley Dursley," she said, gesturing her arm.

"Hm. Can you speak parseltongue, also?" he asked, leaning so far, it seemed like he would pop out of his painting.

Dudley shook his head, almost petrified.

"Oh. Well, that's a shame. It's always better to have more parselmouths around."

"S-sir, I'm n-not even a... a w-wizard," Dudley stuttered. He looked horrified that he had even opened his mouth a split second later, snapping it shut with an audible click and with shuddering of his grossly huge jowls.

Salazar raised an eyebrow, obviously contemplating how Dudley got into the castle in the first place. "Well, then. That's very peculiar." He opened his portrait, seeming to snap out of his thoughtful reverie. "Enjoy your time with the grumpy old man inside!" Salazar projected his voice, no doubt being heard throughout Severus's entire quarters.

There was movement at the far end of the room. "I may be grumpy, but I am far from being an old man." Severus Snape had proceeded from a couch to where they were standing. He looked down his nose at Dudley. "Dursley," he said in a smooth voice. "We have been expecting you."