the lost stories

The Cycle of Life

The warm glow of sunlight fills the room with light and warmth as the sun ascends from the clouds, the darkness of the night fading to a beautiful blend of orange and pink. Just outside the window, the grass shifting and swaying gently in the morning breeze. The flowers reflecting a plethora of colours of the greenery that surrounds the meadow.

I could only imagine how refreshing it would feel to be standing amongst nature, breathing in the flowery scent that surrounds the area. A welcoming breath of fresh air into my lungs, a change from the stale air of the room that suffocates me. I could only imagine the feeling of the cool wind blowing through my hair, as I feel myself float, a sense of euphoria overtaking my body.

I could only imagine how sweet freedom would taste like.

The only thing between me and the vast meadow was a single door, guarded by a gatekeeper. I find myself tracing familiar steps towards the only obstacle blocking my way out, easily falling into my routine of retrieving the sheet of paper from his hands and finding myself on my desk, racking my brain to try to complete the test. As usual, the set of questions changed from yesterday.

I bit my lip in anticipation as I returned back my script for the gatekeeper to check, having confidence in my answers, freedom and happiness so close within my reach. My script was returned to me, a big '90' written on the cover page, a ten mark improvement from the last test. I found myself breaking into a grin, jumping with excitement as I waited for the gatekeeper to unlock the door.

He stood there rigid as ever, unmoving. The familiar pang of disappointment consumed me as I crumpled into the chair, the chains shackling my legs as I was dragged back to the table to continue working.

It still wasn't enough.

Stacks of books and worksheets appeared on my desk as the tasks for the day. I slumped onto my table in dread.

I'm so tired of this crap, doing the same thing again and again.

In mere seconds, a shock passes through my body, forcing me to sit up. A book opened itself before me, reminding me of my sole purpose at the moment.

The cycle repeats itself, where I find myself going through the same motions day after day.

Once in a while, a burst of flames sparks by my side. Gently reaching my hand to touch it, a surge of energy flows through me, igniting my every cell. Happiness, a foreign feeling, fills my mind, leaving me giddy with joy. A short moment of warmth and hope.

Gone in a snap. Disappears in an instant. Anything vaguely resemblant of life squeezed out of me. It's back to the mindless, lifeless cycle.

Days, months, years passed. I stopped keeping track. The days go by in a blur, all mixing into one.

Wake up.

Take a test.

Fail to reach the expectations.

Study.

Eat.

Study.

Sleep.

Start all over the next day.

But one day, the cycle finally broke.

I stared at the gatekeeper in shock as he pulled open the door, the wondrous sight I only saw through the windows now right in front of my eyes.

I took a small step out, feeling the grass rustle against my bare feet. I continued to take small steps deeper into the meadow. The flowers seem to sparkle in the light as fresh air entered my airstream. I explored the vast field, star-struck, in awe, my jaw permanently dropped as my mind tries to understand and take in all these unknown sensations. The taste of freedom was sweet like honey, incredibly intoxicating, bringing me into a world of utopia, free of worries. I was drunk in happiness, soaking in my surroundings for as long as I could.

I was happily galloping through the field, chasing a butterfly that fluttered through the clear sky before all things went downhill. The wind grew stronger, rippling around me like a hurricane as my dress slowly ripped, the pieces of cloth whisked away from the wind as my clothes became tattered. My silky luscious hair now a wild mess, riddled with tangles. An ache formed in my stomach, leaving me whimpering in pain. The flowers wilted and slowly lost their colour.

I watched and stared as my utopia crumbled into chaos and ruins before me.

I had to do something about this.

I could vaguely make out strips of paper floating in the air. I reached out desperately and grabbed the paper, clutching it to my chest as if it's the only thing bringing me peace in this nightmare. Upon closer inspection, I found that the paper had the '$' sign on it.

It soon dissolved into thin air in my hand and I exclaimed in shock. My mind was filled with so many questions about what just happened. The roar in my ears from the winds slowly quietened down to a gentle breeze.

How?

I looked around and grabbed more strips of paper from the air and everything seemed to go back to how it was the more I took. My dress fixed itself. In fact, it turned into a gorgeous gown I never fathomed I would ever own. The dull ache in my stomach subsided as colour seeped back into the flowers.

Giggles escaped my lips. Soon, I was laughing like a madwoman, high on adrenaline and endorphins. Obviously, it was the paper that was bringing order back into my life, fixing my wonderland and taking it to greater heights.

I continued grabbing the paper as I watched my wonderland flourish and grow into a paradise. I pushed aside my growing fatigue, too caught up in the moment.

It didn't last. My short-lived paradise.

Soon, everything became to crumble again. My body shook in anxiety, fear overwhelmed me as I realised that I could lose everything again. My arms instinctively started to reach out wildly, a desperate attempt to fix things but tiredness overtook me. My arms were too heavy to be lifted and my breaths grew more and more shallow with every step. Even as I collapsed to the ground, my arms still reached out desperately for the paper that brings me joy.

I didn't realise I fell into another cycle.

Wake up.

Enjoy paradise.

Watch it crumble.

Try to fix it.

Sleep.

Start over again.

I failed to break the cycle.

I trapped myself again.

I failed to see the field that laid beyond the meadow.

Less luscious, but peaceful, filled with many opportunities for long-lasting happiness.

I failed to see that the door wasn't my only exit from the old cycle.

There were so many alternate paths.

To break free of the cycle.

To change my destiny.