the lost stories

"shameful night"

disclaimer: this short story deals with elements of rape (no sexual scenes) If any of you all have gone through similar incidents, rape is never your fault. It is the rapist's fault. You are a victim, you shouldn't be ashamed, and know that you are not alone. stay strong :) I apologise for any poor or inaccurate depictions

My arms were wrapped around my body as I ran out of the apartment. The cold wind rushed past me, causing goosebumps to rise on my exposed skin. My dress was barely clinging on to my body, slipping occasionally as I made my way back to my house.

I didn't realise how much I was shaking. My hands were trembling as I fumbled to slot in the key to unlock the door. My legs shook persistently and I soon found myself leaning on the door for support.

I stepped into the house, sneaking past my parents' bedroom to avoid waking them. As soon as I entered my room, my legs gave up on me and I crumbled to the floor. I just sat there, my mind trying to wrap around everything that had just happened. My throat was hurting from the number of times I screamed, begging for him to stop as his hands were over me, when he was causing me pain.

I lifted my hand to touch my cheek. I winced as a sharp pain shot through me. I got up to take a look at myself in the mirror. My hair was all over the place like a bird's nest, my eyes red and puffy from crying. I then looked at my cheek which was starting to swell where he slapped me when I tried to push him off me.

...

My head landed against the pillow as my hand instinctively reached up to my cheek. I looked up to see him scowl at me, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Do that again and I will cause you so much pain that you'll wish you weren't alive," he growled. His hands continued to move across my body, making me uncomfortable. I wanted nothing more than to push him away but his gaze from before appeared in my mind.

It scared me.

He scared me.

I had never seen him this way before. His eyes were a shade darker than usual. His voice no longer gentle and calming but rather low and gruff. His sweet demeanour was gone. He was no longer the guy I recognised.

I bit my tongue as he pushed himself inside me, holding back my screams of pains and urge to push him off me. I clutched his bed tightly and squeezed my eyes, tears streaming down my face as I tried to ignore everything and wait for it to pass...

...

I shook my head vigorously, ending the flashback, hurriedly wiping away the tears on my face that had fallen unconsciously. I took another look at my dishevelled appearance, before making my way to the bathroom to take a shower.

The weather wasn't very cold that day, but I turned up the water temperature, soaking in the feeling of warmth from the heat. It usually had a calming effect on me and my feelings, but I still felt a thousand different emotions, feeling far from calm. I was angry at him for doing that to me, in disbelief that such a thing could have happened to me.

I braced my forehead against the wall, my breathing turned ragged. The very feeling of guilt overwhelming me to the point where I just wanted to curl up on the floor and feel nothing at all.

It's my fault because I wore a revealing dress.

It's my fault because I agreed to go to his room.

It's my fault because I didn't try harder to escape.

It's my fault that the incident happened.

...

"Why... Why are you doing this to me?"