Chasing Jonah Mchale

chapter ten

Im sitting at the corner of our lunch table, my sandwich lays uneaten and alone before me. I can't muster the appetite to eat it even though I know I should. I'm just not hungry. I'm not hungry a lot lately.

Tomorrow is the big game, the game where I'll finely join my team again on the field. And there's more pressure than usual riding on my back. Tomorrow's game is also the game where scouts will be visiting, as well as the game where my Coach will decide If my injury has been a set back, or if I've managed to recover miraculously in time.

I'm too deep in my thoughts to hear Leo call my name, and it's only until he nudges me a few times in the ribs that I look up startled.

"Heyy-" Leo scoffs, "Are you back on planet earth?"

I roll my eyes.

"As I was saying," Leo sings, "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes." I say, my voice dry and final.

Leo's look at Gabe doesn't go unnoticed.

"What." I say gruffly.

Gabe raises an eyebrow. "What the fuck is your attitude. We don't deserve it."

I sink lower into my seat. "Can everyone just get off of my back."

"Get off of your back?" Leo says, his voice rising, "I asked if you were ready for tomorrow? Am I not allowed to ask you questions now?"

People sitting beside us turn in our direction, noticing the tension that hangs uneasily in the air. Their eyes flickering from me, to Gabe, then to Leo.

"Im not doing this." I say after a moment of silence.

I grab my lunch tray and dump my sandwich in the trash, before returning to grab my backpack from off the seat.

"Do what?" Leo asks, his brown eyes brazen. He gets up too, the lunch table shakes from the momentum. "What is going on with you?"

I swallow, but I don't respond. Instead I exit the lunchroom, feeling as if everyones eyes are burning into my flesh. Like they know. Like they know what I'm doing.

My heart is racing by the time I make it to the boys bathroom, where I walk past the rows of urinals and swing open the one stall's door. I drop my bag onto the floor before digging through it to find the brown bag Tay had given me. I dig out my laptop too and my student ID, before beginning to crush one of my last few pills into a fine powdery substance in order to sort it into long rows on the flat cold surface of my laptop.

Tay had told me that snorting pills makes the high hit you faster. Which I've learned the past few days to be true. I roll up a stray dollar bill, before aligning it to the entrance of my nostril. I take a shaky breaths before inhaling.

It feels weird, but I sniff and cough away the sensation- because I know that in a matter of minutes it'll all feel better. I sit down onto the toilet seat and lean back, letting my eyes flicker shut as I wait. Someone enters the bathroom and I hear soft footsteps against the tile. But I don't care.