Keeping Adalyne (Threequel)

Undeserved

Adalyne

I needed a shower myself after apologizing profusely to Laiken and swearing that McGowan guy will be on the wrong side of a gavel sooner rather than later. I felt dirty and disgusted with myself after that conversation. Laiken should never have been subjected to such filth and it broke my heart to hear her brush his actions off like it was just another day in her life. She deserved better.

Jazmin's door was shut when I peeked down the hall and I was kind of glad for it. I need some time to dissect everything and her uncharacteristic smothering is too overwhelming after so long apart, but also, it reminds me too much of Moira and I'm having a hard time separating the two. It is both painful and comforting at the same time.

I stood under the hot water and thought about everything from the gallery opening to just moments ago with Laiken. I'm still in a bit of shock that Jazmin is just a few doors down from me and I can talk to her face to face if I wanted to. I can't believe I slept with her almost right away. I would call myself a whore, but I don't believe in such a degrading slur for anyone, including myself. I guess with the right person, my libido takes over and I'm ok with that, but I'm not ok with the consequences that may incur because I can't keep my hands to myself. I guess I'll deal with it when the time comes. I've gotten used to suffering for my actions, this won't be any different.

I was exhausted by the time I stepped out of the shower. The lack of sleep and excitement over the last 24 hours finally caught up with me and all I could think about was falling into bed. After drying off, I shuffled to the closet and chose a shirt of Moira's to sleep in. I slept in the pyjamas she wore in the hospital for the first couple weeks after she died, then when I could no longer smell her in the fabric, I folded them neatly and put them on my dresser where I can see them. I still can't bear to wash them and I can't properly sleep in my own clothes. Someday perhaps, but for now, I like the comfort I get from the feel of her ridiculously expensive shirt against my bare skin. It's a problem.

I expected to fall right to sleep once my head hit the pillow, but apparently, my brain had other ideas. It was running a mile a minute and was very aware that Jazmin is right down the hall. After squeezing my eyes shut and turning from side to side at an attempt to get comfortable, I finally gave up after about an hour and flung the covers off of me. This is ridiculous.

Emotionally, I need space, but mentally and physically - I guess I need Jazmin.

Defeated, I went through Moira's dresser drawers and found a pair of shorts to wear before flinging open the door and walking down the hall to the room Jazmin was currently in I hoped. I wrestled with just going back to bed and knocking on the door, until I eventually chose the latter and tapped on the wood.

I heard shuffling, then the click of the doorknob before a tired looking Jazmin appeared in front of me. "Are you alright, Adalyne?"

"Can't sleep."

"Mmm. Come in." Jazmin said, stepping aside.

"Thanks." I whispered and passed her, heading straight for the bed.

I pulled back the covers and climbed in, then turned down Jazmin's side for her. The door clicked shut, drowning out the light from the hallway and leaving us in total darkness. I felt, more than heard Jazmin getting in bed and soon the covers shifted as she pulled them up.

"Come here." Jazmin whispered.

I should have stayed on my side, but any fight I had left was gone from pure exhaustion. I gave in and moved close enough so Jazmin could pull me into her arms, then laid my head on her chest. It felt nice. Undeserved, but nice.

"Are you wearing a dress shirt?" Jazmin asked quietly.

"Yes."

"Alright then."