dead memories.

1. we were never alive

Mid 1998

Joey's POV

"Why me?" I mutter, distressed and deprived of hours upon hours of sleep.

The reason? Sabrina, my now ex-girlfriend, called it quits five days ago. Things were going really good up until that point.

Annnd now this bullshit happens. Of course, the rest of the band has checked up on me and told me to pull through it. The only one that really understands is Corey, though. Perhaps he's been through something similar, or he just holds more empathy than anyone else.

These past two months Corey and I have gotten pretty close. It's like we're both magnets gravitating towards one another even if we're apart. And when you're with someone a lot, you gradually open up to them, which was why Corey was the first I told about Bri.

Sure, I enjoy the company of everyone else in the band, but Corey's different. I can't quite say what's different about him, though.

I look down at the muddy brown cement, where drops of rain pitter and patter. Corey is beside me, leaning against the brick wall of the pub. The band invited me to go out with them so I would "lighten the fuck up and have some fun", but no matter how much I try, she won't leave my mind. I highly doubt some cheap beer and loud chatter will do the trick.

Naturally, Corey followed me outside to attempt to console the mess that I am. I really  admire the caring aspect of him, even if he's being annoyingly persistent. On the outside he appears to be intimidating and ice cold, but I've discovered that he's the opposite when his barrier is broken down.

Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to realize that.

"Everything happens for a reason. There are many more fish in the sea, y'know?" His vision travels from the ground to my face and I feel as if I'm frozen in place.

His eyes are so...

Hypnotizing.

"..I guess you're right. But she didn't even give me a reason. The least she could do was-" My voice cracks and I cover my mouth.

My eyes fill with tears. Christ. I don't care how close I am to him, I won't let him see me cry.

I turn my head away in an attempt to hide my eyes.

"Hey, hey, Joey.."

"Sorry, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to hide from me. It's okay. I understand you're upset."

He lifts a hand to my cheek, turning my face towards him. My heart skips a beat.

His thumb wipes a single tear off of my cheek. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

"Sorry, I probably look so stupid." I emit a laugh of despair as I avoid eye contact. I seem to have broken my promise to myself. But the way he's looking at me might just be worth it.

"Quit apologizing. And you don't look stupid. It's on her for not seeing how great you are."

"You don't have to lie to me!" I exclaim. If I was so great, she wouldn't have left me.

"I'm not, I swear! I mean, to start off, you're a fantastic fucking drummer, your entire look screams badass, yet you're still chill and fun as fuck to be around. What's not to like?"

I don't know what to say.

I can only stutter as I try to come up with a rebuttal against his totally untrue claims, but I'm blanking.

I chew on my lip as I can feel my cheeks start to burn up. Corey notices, because he notices everything. Shit. There's no way.

"Are you...blushing?" Corey asks me. Now that was just unnecessary. I'm embarrassed enough as it is. I wish I could just hide from all of this.

"What? no." I lie.

"Did I get the ever-stoic, hardcore, total badass Joey Jordison to blush?" Corey exaggerates and chuckles as I focus intensely on the cars passing us on the road. Nothing makes me blush. I don't blush. That's super gay.

"I- no..it's..it's the cold. It's freezing out here, haha, it's like 40 degrees." I cross my arms, pretending to warm myself.

"Huh. It's the cold. Not how I just told you how cool you are?" Corey smirks. That fucking devil.

Though I don't have a mirror, I can see how embarrassingly red my cheeks are. If only Sabrina were a little more like Corey. It was always "take your pants off" and "you're seriously still in that fucking band?" with her.

I almost forgot about her for a second there.

My voice cracks, "No." My heart feels like it's grown 3x its size and there's a nauseating feeling in my stomach.

I look back down at the ground, to only see Corey's feet slowly shuffling closer to me. Once they stop, my gaze meets his. I can feel the tension in the air as we're inches apart.

"I don't think I believe you, Joey." Corey says, head tilted, as he works his hand on my shoulder up to the side of my neck, pulling my red and black locks between his fingers.

What is he doing? Fuck. His calloused fingers feel oddly soothing.

Shockwaves run through the veins in my hands.

"You're fucking crazy."

"Maybe I am." Thankfully, before the situation progresses any further, Chris bursts through the pub's entrance. Corey and I jump back a few feet simultaneously. The air between us turns from hot to cold in an instance.

"Are you done with your girl talk yet?" Chris asks impatiently, even though he has 7 other fuckers in there to talk to. Either way, he saved me from something that I wasn't sure would end well.

"Yeah, sorry." I glance at Corey before following Chris inside. I hear his footsteps behind me a few seconds later.

I start to wonder about Corey's intentions. He was just being nice, right? We're friends, and he was cheering me up. That's all it was. But his body language, on the other hand, signaled something different.

Oh well. There's no point.