An unexplainable one-sided bond

1. Not a beginning

This ain't no essay, and I'll get to the point, Who knew it's hard to write your mind, is there enough words on this planet to describe humans emotions or being as a whole? Probably not.

I took my keys out from my bag that I only bought for a specific reason which I will tell later, Impatiently unlocked the first door and the second, at least I've managed to tell apart the two keys. The door couldn't have been opened faster. I put everything on the chair and my expensive bag on the floor, I quickly went to the fridge and looked over the stove to check if there is any food to satisfy my emotional needs. As you know I am a big eater not because I enjoy food but my heart and emotions need food to shut themselves.

I took out the cheese cream and went to the table to smear some on the bread that I especially enjoy, I did about 4 rounds and went back to the fridge to eat some sweets since I have a very big sweet tooth. Sugar cravings are my main cravings. I ate a couple of candy and granola bars, then I took out some ice cream and ate like half the container. Sadly knowing I'm not eating healthy I continued to munch on food which mostly consists of junk and unnecessary calories.

"dinggggg dingggg"

the annoying ringer on the door which probably means my mom came back from school picking up my little brother

"hi mom"

"hi"

I quickly felt guilty for eating so much and went upstairs. I just feel like my body knows that I don't like living this way and so does the other energies around me, God probably doesn't like how I live too but I hope I am forgiven because each day I try to start again and again. I flopped on my bed and starting to think of him again. You may ask who is him? well my feeling toward him is a little complicated.

After going through so much in the first year of high school, I transferred to different high school, and Kymran had caught my eyes, his looks are considerably above average, but that's not what caught my eyes, It's like a light is pouring from his face and shining brightly on his forehead and eyes. I can instantly tell that he is someone without one speck of evilness in him, he is full of light and positively, it's like he thinks the world of the people he is around and sees the good in them. He sees some sort of optimism in every step he takes. I can tell that he hides his sad thought deep into himself and refuse to reveal to not one soul. Anyway, my feelings toward him are considered a crush to many but I wouldn't say that its already been 4 years and I'm already in College...

How it is starting:

"Diana"

"Diana"

I keep hearing my mom yell my name but I find it hard to get up, I opened my eyes and realized I've fallen asleep and it's nearly bedtime, just great.

"yes mom" "I'm coming"

"teach your brother his homework, I have to go to work"

"ok"

My mom works overnight as a home attendant, she specifically chooses to work at night so she comes back in the morning and puts my brother in school, I don't really support this idea since It's hard to function throughout the day, sure she does take naps but I doubt they're enough.

I go downstairs and lock the door after she leaves, then chug on some water and take out milk and a spare bowl, I pour the milk and then cereal, I start to crunch into the delicious feeling. I don't get why people make a big deal whether milk or cereal comes first. Why does it matter? why do insignificant things in life matter?

then I really start to dwell on my feelings. Why does he always leave me whenever I try to talk to him in school and now in college all of a sudden he is interested in my studies and issues concerning my FAFSA.