An unexplainable one-sided bond

3. It doesn't feel the same anymore

I don't carry many people close to my heart but the ones that I do, they never leave my heart and I would do anything for them. When I was little I had this friend that I can trust and she did the same for me. I love her so much and so did she. I'm her only best friend right back then and still is, at least before I moved away. It seemed like I made new friends but none of them were genuinely had good feelings toward me, they were either jealous or stuck up. To me, Kymran was someone that I can purely let my guard down and I thought he would do the same for me, I couldn't have been more wrong....

I opened my heart for him while he called me weird, I couldn't live without seeing him while he called me a stalker. I gave away my whole self and soul while he once more said I am a creep. Of course, he was only 15-16 years old back then while I was older and mature. Now that we are in the same college, whoever friend I see from high school, they all seem to talk about him saying that he is nice and smart, for god's sake I remember everyone hating on him saying that he is annoying and making fun of him for speaking out in class. Nothing feels the same way and nothing seems to be going my way. I can't even talk to my best friend that I left in 2010 because she doesn't even have a phone and there seem to be nobody that I can talk to, someone that loves me for who I am and supports me through thick and thin, I can't remember what that feels like.

I debated whether I should do any homework today and be unlazy enough to set up an appointment with the financial advisor, I also needed to pick up my monologue from the college library. Alright, one bad thing about college is that Professors are really nitpicky and they are never satisfied with your homework. Not even that but we have to do homework according to each professor's needs, I ain't no psychic to figure everything out. I will decide on the rest tomorrow.

The fresh morning air during fall is the best even though it is a little bit chilly, I still need to plan a say to take a cute pic to post on Instagram since it's been a while but my body ain't looking right to post a decent photo.

I walked into my English class and took the same seat that I always sit which is next to the window, I like watching outside because it makes me feel better somehow. I just feel like everyone from high knew each other from the past, most had more than 5 years of friendship or someone type of familiarity and I am the only one who was new, I totally felt like an outcast. I zoomed back to English class and we watched a show by Bill Maher and his statement about obesity and the professor assigned us an assignment, I left and went to my next two classes. After what seemed like years, I was finally done with my Bio lecture.

I decided to head to the library to hunt for a monologue, I asked the librarian where the stack section was and she guided me on the computer to specify what I was looking for. First of all the library had millions of rows of books and there were a lot of them, most of the books are dusty from not being picked up for many years. It took me a while to look for the play "Miss Julie" since that was the monologue that I decided to pick for my acting class.

"where are you?"-Elza Lovely

Haha I remember putting her name as Lovely as a joke because her last name was Levy

"I am at the library looking for a monologue"

"OK"

I went to the bathroom before going out. I used the bathroom and I definitely had to fix my hair since It looked like a trolls nest. I took out my hair from scrunchie and took and a small section from the top and tied it. I put on some lip balm and zipped up my hoodie.

"Come out I'm outside of the library"

"I'm coming out"

I went out and used the huge doors, I literally skipped like a little girl and waved at her like a five-year-old, I gestured my fingers into peace signs and waved around like crazy. I had a huge grin on my face until she said

"he's here"

I panicked but the smile was still on my face, I looked around and spotted him, for some reason he had mixed pain and smile on his face and I felt sad a little bit because he seemed sad. He was staring at me the whole time while I was stupidly coming here like that, plus why was I grinning at him like that, It is a total opposite of what I wanted to show him from now on.

"you wanna go the Hillel place, there is a barbecue grill going on?"

"Yass, I wanna go"

"I told him to leave because you were coming out," she said

"WHAT you told him that, are you serious?"

"yeah, because you make it very awkward"

I thought about what she said and felt a little bit hurt because I make things akwad but I ignored and said

"Its a good thing you shoowed him away"

"yeah, that's why I did it"