How to not mess this up #malec fanfiction

It is not fine.

Sorry that this took so long to figure out haha, but here's another chapter, enjoyyy :)xx

A few days went by and Magnus felt like he was walking on air. Alec had come into his life and literally turned it upside down. He was caring, always sweet, like the first ray of sunshine that glimpsed behind the curtain, when he stayed the night at Alexander's or when he stayed at his.

Magnus knew that this was all too good to be true, because when it came to him, something always gave. But when he was walking down the street, with two coffees in his hand and knocked on Alec's door, he pushed the thought aside. They had no place in his head right now, not when he was with him, with his Alexander.

He raised his hand and knocked. Nothing. He knocked again. This time he heard rustling inside. He called softly, but questioningly "Alexander?". Just in case, he tried the door. Surprisingly, it was open. He stepped into the apartment, already a strange feeling gnawing at his heart, like something was wrong. Just like the thought he had had before he had knocked on the door.

Magnus stepped further into the room. It was dark, the curtains were drawn. Alec had texted him just last night, to come over in the morning. Magnus had made sure he didn't come too early, so Alec can get his sleep. So he couldn't have been asleep still, could he? Magnus called once again "Alexander?" and cursed mentally at how his voice wavered.

He set the coffee's down at the end table and then looked around. Everything seemed normal, save for the drawn curtains. He silently went towards Alec's bedroom. He had a strange fear, like he didn't want to open the door, afraid of what he might find. He shook his head to get rid of these thoughts, and slowly pushed the door open.

The room was just as dark as the rest of the apartment and he saw a faint figure on the bed. Alec was lying on the bed. Magnus almost had a heart attack but then, when he squinted his eyes in the faint light, he saw that Alec's eyes were open. He went a bit further into the room and then he sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do.

Alec was almost stioc, staring at the ceiling, like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. Magnus tried to speak, but his throat had gone dry. Instead, he reached his hand to Alec's, and noticed with a surge of fear, that it was ice cold. Alec didn't move. For some minutes, this went on, but then Magnus couldn't take it and asked "Alexander, what happened?". His voice seemed rudely loud in the quiet room. Like a knife cutting bread.

Alec blinked once, twice. Then he said with a gravelly voice, like he hadn't spoken in days, "Nothing. I'm fine." Magnus shook his head in disbelief and moved a strand of hair from Alec's face. "Darling, something is wrong. I can see it. Talk to me, please." he tried gently. He had no idea what was going on. Alec suddenly grabbed his arm, stopping its movement and looked at him. His eyes were as blue as ever, but now they seemed cold and distant. He looked like someone Magnus didn't know. 

"I said. I'm fine. Just leave. I want to be alone." Alec said, with a cold voice. Magnus almost winced. He drew his hand back, but refused to move. He drew a breath and then said, as calm as he could "I am not leaving you here like this. Something is wrong. And I care about you too much to just let it slide. I can be here all day." Magnus put one leg over the other and made it clear that he was not moving. Alec didn't seem to care. In fact, he didn't seem to pay attention to Magnus' movements at all. He just lay there, barely moving. His eyelids seemed heavy, when he blinked. Magnus felt a pang in his chest, when the fear of Alec using drugs came into mind. But Alec didn't seem to be under any influence. Not particularly. And Magnus knew all the symptoms of drug use. This was something else.

Alec was silent for another 10 minutes, but then he spoke again "I don't deserve you, you know. Or anyone for that matter." Magnus' eyes widened. He let out the breath he was holding, almost smiling with relief, that Alec was speaking, and he said quickly "Alexander, what are you talking about? Don't you ever say something like that again." He gently stroked Alec's cheek. Alec looked at him with the same empty eyes and said "It's true. I feel like what were doing is destined to be doomed anyways. And you are always so...so much better than me. I could never keep up with you, and eventually you'll find someone else. I don't want to wait that long." When he finished, Magnus sucked in a breath. Where was this coming from?

He gently leaned forward, still holding Alec's chin in his hand and he whispered "Alexander, I want to be with you and only you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever accounted. Why are you saying these things?". He tried to lean down, to kiss his cheek, but Alec leaped up suddenly. His face looked half angry, half disappointed when he said quietly "Get out." Magnus sat there, unsure what was happening, with his hand still in air, like he was still holding Alec. He tried "Alexander, let's talk about-" but Alec cut him off, now his voice louder "No. Leave. I don't want to see you right now. Or ever."

Magnus felt like a piece of his heart shattered. He was still in daze when he stood, glancing at the man he knew he fell in love with. But he was so different. But just yesterday, he was his Alexander. What had happened? Magnus couldn't understand, but what he did understand was the expression on Alec's face right now. Anger, hurt but most of all, disgust. Magnus almost felt the tears forming in his eyes but he held back. He started to walk out, but he looked over his shoulder and said "I am not leaving you. I don't know what is going on, but I will never leave you. You have to know that." Opposite to his own words, he did reach the front door, and he did open it and step through it. He also stepped onto the street. But he didn't go any further. Trying not to cry, he reminded himself, that he won't leave Alec alone.

He called the only person who he thought could help. He dialled the number and waited. Isabelle answered almost immediately. Her voice was cheerful.

Isabelle: Magnus! What's up, I was just thinking about how we should catch up! 

Magnus: Isabelle, could you please come over to Alexander's?

Magnus voice was so much more full of pain and sadness that he had originally thought he felt, but Isabelle must've caught onto it, because she just said

Isabelle: Yes. I'll be there in 15.

They hung up and Magnus slouched against the building's wall. He felt like deflating. He and Alec had been so good together, against all odds, they had fallen in love. Magnus knew Alec felt the same he did. He never thought Alec could think so less of himself. He knew about his complicated past and about his family, but he never thought he would feel so worthless. And that means Magnus hadn't made it clear enought, how much he meant to him. Was this his fault?

Isabelle's car pulled up and she stepped out, in her usual boots that clicked on the pavement, when she walked over. She tossed her hair from her face, waiting for Magnus to explain, but not before she had given him a warm and comforting hug. Magnus tried to catch a breath after talking, because he felt that he needed more air. Like something was about to collapse around him. Isabelle's eyes grew harder and sadder with each sentence Magnus had to say. Finally, she closed her eyes and it was quiet for some time. Magnus couldn't take it and broke the silence "Isabelle, what?" Isabelle opened her eyes and then shook her head, her eyes seemed watery, but she was not crying. 

She said "I thought this was over. I thought he got better. that he had this under control. He said so. Magnus, he's not well. I mean, he has a- Magnus, Alec's bipolar." 

Suddenly, it all made sense. It also made sense, that Alec was not fine, like he had said to him. But Magnus promised, that he will be. Alexander will be fine, because Magnus will be right there beside him, to make sure of it.