black holes.

collapse of stars

"is that a problem?"

bambam turned to look at him confused, "what? yes. i mean - no!" bambam huffed, shaking his head.

he pulled his knees close to his chest and rested his forehead on them. he said something, muffled from where his head was buried so yugyeom couldn't make out what he'd said.

but there was a hint of sadness curving over bambam's back, coursing through his neck where a pink was blossoming over his ears.

"we didn't run off to kiss," yugyeom said, not liking how dejected bambam looked.

there was silence between them. yugyeom felt uncomfortable, he wanted to find jackson and jinyoung and run off, back home, back to his bed where he could hear jaebum coming in at 2 in the morning. he felt like he was going to throw up any moment and his head was really starting to hurt.

"i know yugyeom," bambam replied. "i went searching for you when I couldn't find you or soonyoung." he said soonyoung's name with such disdain that yugyeom wondered what problem they had between them. "and came out here, saw you brooding like you always are."

yugyeom scowled, his lips pursed in annoyance. "i don't brood."

"yes you do," bambam snapped, his voice cutting yugyeom, making his heart jump in fear. "it's all you ever fucking do." he laughed but it sounded mocking to yugyeom's ears.

"no - I,"

"call it whatever you want yugyeom. you're always quiet, looking at everyone like no one deserves to talk to you. you walk around with your hunched shoulders and your stupid fucking skateboard. people want to talk with you but it seems like you don't want anyone to bother you. instead you talk to fucking trees and stray dogs," bambam couldn't stop, words kept billowing out from his mouth. "no one wants to get close to you because you push everyone away."

yugyeom felt something tearing in his chest (is this why you never talk with me. have i pushed you away bam? i'm sorry, i'm sorry, sorrysorrysorry.)

he could feel the beginning of tears wanting to pour down his cheeks, his face flushed in embarrassment, and his heart feeling so heavy.

bambam was staring at his hands now. breathing out harshly through his nose.

"sorry," his voice was shaking and yugyeom looked away when he noticed the tight fists bambam's hands were in. "sorry - i uh, i shouldn't have said that. it -"

"i saw you crying." yugyeom blurted out.

bambam froze. his back was standing up straight, his body tense like it was that afternoon afterschool when he'd said that yugyeom reminded him of the moon. bambam huffed out a low whisper, his entire being looking harsh underneath the pale light.

"when?"

yugyeom bit his lip, "i saw you get out of your car." he responded instead. "you were wobbling and at first i thought you were drunk, but you were crying."

he left out the part of seeing him reach out towards his window, but it seem like yugyeom hadn't had to say that out loud, something in the way he had spoken had let bambam know that yugyeom had watched bambam staring at his window - like a fucking creep.

"why were you crying?"

bambam seem to snap out of his trance and he turn to glare at yugyeom.

"what's it to you anyways?" he stood up suddenly, his eyes burning in anger and humiliation.

yugyeom was scared, he hadn't wanted to make bambam feel bad. he wanted to sprout out that he looked at bambam's window too! that he was always watching bambam, through the sidelines like a phantom. if bambam was looking - so was yugyeom.

"why are you always stalking me! obsessing over me!"

yugyeom stood up too. he was a head taller than bambam, but the way the boy kept glaring, stabbing at yugyeom through his eyes made him feel small, wanting to curl into himself. And that sentence, those words made yugyeom freeze, everything was suffocating him.

"you're always staring at me," bambam went on. his voice was growing louder, beginning to catch the attention of the teenagers gathered outside. "it's like everywhere i look you're always fucking there!"

yugyeom curled his hands, words wanting to spill out.

"why do you care so fucking much?" bambam's voice cracked, quieting down, his eyes shiny, lips wobbling.

yugyeom couldn't breathe, the stares of people burning into his skin. "because!" because i love you.

"because what?"

"because we're friends!" yugyeom yelled out. he was shaking, his entire body shivering. yugyeom was heaving, trying to breath in gulps of air.

bambam had sighed tiredly, his body deflating like a balloon with no air.

"i wish we were, yugyeom."

then he walked away.

a/n; hey :)) i'm back. i'm not giving up on this story, so pls don't give up on me. 🖤