trigger warning: drug use, mention of depression and suicidal thoughts/scenes ⚠️
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
i was in pain
physically,
mentally
&
emotionally
drugs can do the imaginable to your body. it can make you feel vulnerable, worthless, empty and all feelings that specifically describe—depression
you feel as if your body is entering a psychotic state, the sound of your heart beat urging you to go insane, the voices in your head telling you to swallow just one more of those stupid fucking pills or to take another hit of that joint. that clock in your bedroom ticking louder than usual causing it to echo throughout your brain, making you cover your ears as your body gives way and collapses on to the ground in complete agony.
as these moments take place you proceed to think about your family, how they would feel if they saw you in this state, how would they feel if you were 6 feet under.
how would your friends feel, knowing that the one person they counted on to hold those stupid little secrets or the one person who made their day that little bit better is now gone, physically erased, not mentally but physically. the warmth they yearned for when needing that embrace that they wouldn't receive at home nor by loved ones.
these drugs, they make you hallucinate, creating a vision only for you and only you to see and experience. but these visions not only let you see what you want, but lead you to believe that they are real, like they're out of this cruel world.
"[y/n]!"
her eyes groggily meet a boy, with curly chocolate brown hair—finn, her boyfriend.
she couldn't move, not one muscle. her body was shaking and vibrating as white contents starts frothing out of her mouth.
she was overdosing.
"NO!" "NO!" she starts screaming, but no noise comes out of her mouth as she feels numb, lifeless and paralysed.
she's placed in a stretcher before getting rolled away by paramedics
"she'll be okay son" the paramedic pat his shoulder before waking towards the drivers side of the ambulance.
no she won't, no she won't "NO SHE WONT!" finn screams as he starts getting worked up, feeling his mind get the best of him, feeding him negativity—no she won't
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
beep, beep, beep
[y/n]'s eyes flutter open as her eyes adjust to the millions of lights and machines surrounding her. her eyes shift towards finn as he's sipping aggressively out of the apple juice box, attempting to get every last drop of juice that the small box contains, something finn always did that made [y/n] laugh.
"orange juice is better" she manages to let out before attempting to turn on her side facing finn whilst giggling.
his eyes immediately open wide as he realises his girlfriend is awake
"still got that attitude may i add" he says giggling along with her
"how are you feeling?" he grabs her hand not wanting to startle her due to how happy and excited he is to see her functioning.
she lets out a weak smile whilst inhaling and exhaling.
"i'm okay" her soft voice lets out while shaking
"wh-why? why did you do that to yourself?" his voice asks while cracking
she looks up avoiding the tears and eye contact
"i didn't think anyone could ever criticise me they way i criticised myself, i was scared that you would see me the way i saw myself, the me that is always looking in the mirror pointing out every little thing about me that looks wrong or looks abnormal. i would lie and say i was busy, i truly was, but not in a way that most people understand, i was busy taking deep breaths and shutting out the irrational thoughts that circulated my brain, i was busy telling myself that i am ok. i soon became exhausted from trying to feel stronger than i feel, the worst kind of pain is knowing that i was smiling just to stop the tears from falling. there was a reason to why i would always dodge the question, what do you want to do when your older? it wasn't because i didn't know, it was because i never knew if i would be here to accomplish that goal, this is what i regret not telling you"
by the time she was finished, he was in tears, but her, she was smiling, knowing that she finally had the courage to explain her emotions
｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡ this was just a small imagine NOT APART OF THE PAST TWO ONES! just thought i'd make that clear.
this chapter can and will mean a lot to heaps of people, more and more people are beginning to suffer from depression everyday and everywhere, all around us. people close to you may even suffer from it but have yet to seek help, so i urge you to ask your friends and peers if they're okay, those simple words 'are you okay?' or 'do you want to talk?' can mean the absolute world to someone, knowing someone cares is one of the best feelings in the world. and if you ever, ever, feel like you have no one to speak to, PLEASE message me on here, i want to be able to help others that are struggling from mental health issues as i am and have been in similar situations. so remember i am always here to talk <33
