A month outside the gates (a VA fanfic)ON HOLD

Chapter 31

Tasha'sPOV
I found my Dimka at lunch, in the staff room. "Hi Dimka!" I cheerily greeted. Christmas was today and I had called together a party staring mid-afternoon. It was going to be Liss, Chris, Dimka and I. I hadn't invited Rose, and I didn't plan to. Something about that girl was still irritating me, the way she flirted with her teacher and me not being able to figure out what was going on wasn't helping any.
"Yes, Tasha?" he warily responded.
"I was wondering if you'd like to spend Christmas afternoon with me? I'm throwing a little gathering with Liss and Chris." Please say 'yes', please say 'yes', please say 'yes', because he couldn't really think of saying 'no'.
"When?" came his cautious answer.
"In two hours."
"Okay, I'll be there." was his unenthusiastic answer. And came with a resigned sigh.

What on earth? He should have been happy to spend Christmas with me. Instead he seemed to see it as a chore, only agreeing to be polite. Even then it was barely polite. He'd barely engaged in conversation with me and he certainly hadn't searched me out. He was, now, almost treating as an acquaintance he barely got along with. Despite his barely hospitable attitude I happily and excitedly squealed out "yay!"

Oh this was going to be a fun Christmas and ski trip. I planned on asking my Dimka to be my Guardian and offer to give him a family. So, hopefully, he'd be my boyfriend and soon-to-be Guardian for the duration of the ski trip. He deserved a family, and was ready for one. Surely the lure of having it all with me was such that he'd be unable to turn it down. Surely, my Dimka wouldn't, surely he couldn't, say 'no'.

Two hours later and my guests had arrived. As had the party crasher. Lissa had dragged Rose along with her. Ugh. Now I had to spend Christmas, uncomfortable. Present time eventually came around, and things got interesting. Liss gave Rose the Dragomir Guardian heirloom, the chotki. Christian gave her a little something. Even my Dimka gave her a card that made her smile. Then it was my turn.
"Dimka," I grabbed his attention off whatever it was Rose had said that had enthralled him.
"Tasha?"
"I want you to be my Guardian and my partner."

He stiffened in shock and the other three gasped in disbelief. Seriously? He was shocked by my offer? Had he not seen it coming? And was he really considering saying 'no'?

"No. Tasha. I can't, and I won't, take that."
"But why?" I whined. "I know you want a family."
"Because it's wrong. And I don't want a family unless it's with the woman I love."
"I thought you loved me?" I was completely lost here. He thought my offer was wrong? And was there another woman? Had another woman taken Dimka from me?
"No. I never loved you Tasha. I never saw you as more than a friend, and I never will. I don't have feelings for you."

He didn't feel for me? He didn't love me like I did him? He'd never seen me as anything other than a friend? There was another woman? I wanted to cry, he'd pushed a knife into my heart and twisted it. That cut me so deep. As much as I wanted to cry, I refused to. I was the hostess of this party after all. So, I needed to maintain my composure and put on a brave face. I could cry, kick, and scream later.

"Dimitri? Can I talk to you for a moment? Outside?" Rose asked before I could respond.

RPOV
"Yes. Come on then, Rose." There was a teensy amount of affection in his voice when he said my name. God, I loved him.

Tasha's offer had stung. Well, it had more than stung, it had hurt. I'd rather she had staked me.

"Dimitri," I cried when we were far enough away and extremely well hidden- in a janitor's closet on the floor above the royal rec room. "I love you. So much. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry I'm taking that from you. I'm so sorry I can't give a family."
"Oh Roza. I love you too. And you are my family now. I meant what I said to Tasha. I don't want kids if they're not yours. I want you. I want you, I love you and I need you. I don't need children, I need you." He pulled me into a deep and passionate kiss. It was filled with love, support and reassurance. It was over all too soon, but we had taken a major risk. "I love you, my Roza. Only you. Please believe that."
"I love you too, Comrade. More than life itself. Screw you! You've made me melt and gush. Again."
"You're adorable, love. And still clueless."
"Speak for yourself!" I teased. I sighed before continuing, "let's get back. We do have a cover to keep." For close to six months.