A Summer Full of Chlorine

Mental Lists

HALE

Once Matthew has left to go get changed, I take a big gulp out of my water bottle and try to calm my nerves a little bit. I need to keep a level head here. Sure, I was happy that Matthew would be out of my hair for the summer, but now he is here. Nothing can be done about that. It'll be fine. And, of course, I'm miffed at Lauren for completely ignoring me so far today because, heaven forbid, I was worried about work, but I, and hopefully Lauren, can act professional today, even if my nerves are frayed. I just need to keep calm and collected. 

Deftly, I stand up from my squatting position. Time to do what I do best: make a checklist. Mentally of course, I don't need anyone knowing that if I don't write everything down I'll lose track of it.

As I head over to the sink to refill my water bottle I make a mental list:

1) complete the water test

2) ensure I'm available to let the other employees in as they come

3) regroup with Lauren and discuss how to make sure today runs smoothly

4) stop any accidents/jump ins

5) get through the day without having a mental breakdown

That shouldn't be too difficult. especially since Matthew is here so early. I revise number 2, so that Matthew is the one in charge of letting all the other staff members in. 

Just as I'm deciding this, Matthew comes out of the changeroom, changed and smiling. I watch as he, when he thinks I'm not looking, attempts to smooth the creases out of his uniform that was clearly crumpled in a ball somewhere before he put it on. I just about say something about, but decide that I should focus on the important tasks that need to be accomplished.

"Ok, can you stay in here and let everybody else in as they come? I need to go do the water test. Make sure everybody has water and puts on some sunscreen," I say, about to turn and leave the room.

"Yeah, sure."

I turn and head outside without another word, ready to get down to business. As I head down to the storage area I can see Lauren turning on the slide and any other amenities. I flash her a smile as she meets my eyes, but she ignores me. A light breeze brushes my arms as I turn my head back towards my destination, as if it never happened. I can feel my whistle bump against my arm as I lift it to open the door and grab the vials to fill with water. In my head, I remind myself of the fifth task on my list.

Get through the day without having a mental breakdown.

****

By four p.m., things have gotten into a rhythmic swing. Lauren has ignored me all day, but I don't really mind anymore. If she isn't talking to me I can make all the decisions without her second guessing me or giving anyone contrary information. 

I stand by the diving board, watching a teenage boy attempt to do a front flip into the water, while his friends laugh every try. He hasn't seemed to be able to accomplish his task yet and I'm beginning to wonder if he ever will. If it takes someone this long and they still haven't even come close to getting it, they should just give up. No point in agonizing over something that clearly isn't meant to be.

As I watch a memory surfaces, reminding me of the days when I would swim with my sister over the summer. I remember her encouraging me not to be too afraid to dive into the water. Just as quickly as the memory rises, I push it back down.

"Focus, Hale. Look at the people swimming, make sure nobody is drowning. Don't let yourself lose focus. You can't let yourself think about things that hurt like that," I whisper to myself.

"Who are you whispering to?" A voice asks from behind me.

I blush and swivel around to face Matthew, "Nobody," I reply.

Matthew stretches out a hand and I give him the floatation device I had been holding. I can tell he knows I was talking to myself, but I certainly won't be admitting that to him.

Matthew turns his head towards the water as he talks, "it sure didn't sound like nobody, in fact, I thought I heard a name? I just want to know if you were talking to someone who was breaking rules. I should be aware of that, shouldn't I?"

I try not to wince at the mocking tone in his voice and I also turn my head back to the water, hoping he won't see my expression. I don't answer and just look at the water for a moment.

The silence doesn't last long, as Matthew's worried voice pipes up again, "Sorry, Hale. I was just teasing. I didn't mean to bother you that much. Just forget I said anything."

It surprises me how genuinely apologetic Matthew seems. I try to look at him out of the corner of my eye, so he won't notice, but I can't get a very good look at him. I wish I could. He's easy to look at. Not that it matters at all.

"No, it's fine."

"Are you sure?" Matthew asks, "because I know that you and Lauren are in a fight or something, so it would make sense if you're upset about that and-"

I whip my head around, "Excuse you? Did Lauren tell you that, or are you just butting into things that you shouldn't be involved in? Either way, butt out," I reply before picking my water bottle up and rushing away.

Lauren must be blabbing to everyone that she's mad at me! How else would Matthew know? I can't believe she can't keep work and personal life separate! I've tried so hard all day to ignore what's going on, while she's been talking about it to everyone. She's always talked too much for her own good.

I stomp past the slides and start up the steps to the guard office, ready to chew her out, when I realize that if I yell at her right now, I'll be just as bad as her. I need to be the bigger person and pretend that I don't think anybody knows what's going on. 

****

I stop Lauren on her way out the door as the shift ends. Her long hair has been let out of the braids she had them in and she somehow looks like she just curled her hair, rather than  just standing and sweating in the hot sun for hours.

Lauren stops and folds her arms across her chest as she looks down at me, "what do you want, Hale?"

I stand my ground, even though I know she's much taller and stronger than me.

"I want to know why you're going around telling people we're fighting? It's one thing to be mad at me for the silliest reason possible, but it isn't professional to bring personal problems to work."

Lauren's eyebrows raise and she shakes her head, "do you even know how stupid you sound? How can one statement have so many false accusations? I didn't tell people, for one. If anyone asked you about it, they only knew because you acted super strange all day. Second of all, I'm not mad at you for no reason. It's not just that you ignored how Trevor, our best friend, is doing. You spend every second calculating what will get you ahead in life. Everything is about you and your goals. You don't care that I can't save enough money for university, you don't care that I'm asexual and people can't seem to understand that. You don't care about Trevor. You didn't even know where he was working this summer before yesterday! Do you even know where he's planning on going to school this fall?"

I stare at her blankly. 

"Yeah, I didn't think so. God, Hale! I get you're a control freak and you need to have things a certain way to function, and I respect that, but you can't just ignore your friends. Trevor and I spend so long listening to you, time to do the same to us."

And with that Lauren walks out. I watch her from the window as she gets in her car and drives away. This was not what I planned for this summer. Tears begin to well up in my eyes. Blindly, I leave the building and lock the door behind me. I wipe my tears and head towards my bike, ready to ride away and leave my feelings in the dust. Then it starts the rain. Perfect way to end a horrible day, riding my bike home in the pouring rain.