[Completed] [Rewritten]
"I feel like I'm an artist. My brushes are my blades and my canvas is my wrist."
First chapter sucks, but I think the rest of it is decent . . .
❗❗Trigger Warning❗❗
Mentions of self-harm, eating disorders, depression and suic...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
There wasn't any reprieve from those feelings. Jin sulked all the time internally. He couldn't help but think about how burdensome he was on the other members. He knew it wasn't his fault, he knew that he was being irrational, he knew... but he couldn't just stop himself from thinking.
His physiotherapy started. The manager dragged him along to the clinic three times a week. It was hard work. Jin's ribs had healed up nicely, but his leg and shoulder were weak. Jin's shoulder had become almost stiff and doing the exercises was painful. The physiotherapy days were exhausting and draining for Jin. When he came back, he came straight to bed.
But there was another thing that had started up. He couldn't sleep. He was scared to be alone by himself. There was one time when Sejin told him to wait in the clinic's lobby by himself once and that ordeal was terrifying for Jin. He remembered his heartbeat got faster and his hands got cold. Jin was scared that everyone else was out to kill him. He felt like he was on hyperalert all the time.
He didn't dare tell the others about it. They would probably get annoyed.
------
They found out soon enough.
It started out like it always did. Jin was sitting in the living room, happily scrolling through his phone. The lights were off, and the others weren't at the dorms. The phone was distracting him from the constant thoughts of self-pity.
There were suddenly footsteps in the hallway to the living room. Jin thought the others wouldn't be back until much later, so he didn't know who it was. He immediately jumped to the worst conclusion. Someone was coming to kill him.
The thumping of his heart became more audible. Jin's hands started shaking. His mind flashed back to that day. Whoever had whispered in his ear that day had supreme control over him. It played over and over again in his mind. His head automatically started to hurt.
"Hey, it's me again! I hope you didn't miss me too much!" Jungkook said cheerfully. He took his jacket off and threw it onto the floor. Hoseok could yell at him later. He glanced over at Jin, who didn't look as cheerful as he thought he would. The eldest's face was pale like snow. His hands were shaking and his eyes were distant. Jin was sitting there, but his mind wasn't.
"Hyung?"
"Hyung, are you okay?"
Jin gasped. His mind kept flashing back and forth from the present to the past. His mind was like a computer. He didn't know what to do, so millions of different messages went back and forth from his brain to his body. Everything was overloading.
"Jin hyung, what's-"
"Go away."
Jungkook automatically backed up. He didn't know what was going on. He had never seen Jin like this - heck, he had never seen anybody like this - and he was at a loss for what to do.
Jin gradually calmed down. The wild look in his eyes faded away and his shoulders relaxed. He leaned back on the couch, his eyes starting to tear up. Jungkook took his chance. He sat down next to Jin and patted his back.
"That was scary, wasn't it?"
Jin nodded, sniffing. He buried his face in Jungkook's shoulder, feeling the urge to cry get stronger.
"I'm so scared all the time..."
"Mmm..." The maknae's voice was soft. "Do you want to talk?"
Jin couldn't reply. He whimpered, soft little sobs escaping his mouth. Jungkook didn't say anything else and just held him nice and tight. The panic slowly dripped away from Jin's veins. He took a long shuddering breath. Jungkook was shielding him from the world.
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
The concerned expression on Jungkook's face didn't leave. He stroked Jin's head, running his fingers through his hair. It was a bit uncomfortable for the eldest, but he didn't say anything. He was trying to teach himself to be more patient.
"What was... going through your mind?"
"Huh?"
"What got you scared?"
Jin shook his head. "I was scared."
"...."
"... of being by myself."
"Oh... hyungie..."
"I-"
"I mean, I think you should talk to someone. Like, talking to people who have gone through similar things."
Jin sighed. He didn't want to.
Jungkook pinched Jin's nose gently. He smiled when the eldest giggled lightly.
"I think it will help you out a lot. The others... well, not only them. Me as well. We might say the wrong thing and end up hurting you, you know?"
"No, I'll be okay."
"If you say so." The maknae cast a serious glance at Jin. "We, as a group, will talk this out later. Anyway, do you want me to get you something to eat?"
"I'm good."
"Really?"
Jungkook narrowed his eyes. Something was very off about Jin.
"I'm okay, stop being so weird," the eldest said. "I'm fine."
