Finding a Family

Chapter 30

Alan's POV
Everything seemed to be unraveling all at once. Freddie hadn't said a word to me ever since we left the courthouse. The whole drive home he was silent no matter how hard I tried to get him to talk. He didn't need to talk to tell me how angry he was, I could see it his eyes. As we walked through the front door of our house I tried once more to get him to talk to me, "Freddie please talk to me, let's talk about this," I begged. "You want to talk, let's talk. What shall we talk about first? How you lied to me? How you went behind my back? How you betrayed my trust? How you were talking to the woman who fucking tortured Hannah!" Freddie barked. "Freddie please listen to me, I know you're angry but I need you to understand why I did what I did. After we saw Amanda in the grocery store I wanted to speak with her to make sure she stayed away from Hannah. But when I started talking to her I realized that she loved Hannah too she just made some awful choices," I replied. "Loved her!?! Oh God Alan do you even hear yourself," he bit back. "Look you didn't talk to her, she's done a lot of work on herself. I would never let her anywhere near Hannah but I wrote her a letter just to give her an update on how Hannah is doing," I said. "YOU DID WHAT?!?? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU BLOODY THINKING? AND IF SHE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSON WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Freddie yelled. "I didn't tell you because I knew how upset you would be," I said. "OF COURSE I WOULD BE UPSET. TALKING TO THE WOMAN WHO HURT MY DAUGHTER." Freddie yelled. "YOUR DAUGHTER?? WHAT SO SHE'S NOT EVEN MINE ANYMORE???" I yelled back. "OH GIVE ME A BREAK, YOU AREN'T EVEN HOME HALF THE TIME, YOU DONT TAKE HER TO SCHOOL AND BRING HER HOME FROM SCHOOL. YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO GIVES HER A BATH AT NIGHT AND SINGS HER TO SLEEP. I'M THE ONE WHO GETS UP WITH HER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN SHE HAS NIGHTMARES," Freddie shouted. "Oh I'm sorry I work to help pay for this house and food. I'm sorry my job requires me to work long hours. Let me remind you we wouldn't even have Hannah if it wasn't for that job," I snapped. "Oh get off it Alan, you would have never had adopted her if I didn't convince you," Freddie bit back. That comment stung the most because I know it was true. I was so taken aback I couldn't think of anything to say to him; we just stared at each other with anger in our eyes. "Now pull yourself together, we have a visit with Hannah in an hour unless of course you want to bring Amanda," Freddie broke the silence. I was so focused on the fight we were having I had completely forgot about our visit with Hannah. I would have rather her not see Freddie and I this upset but I knew Freddie would never consider rescheduling it.

We drove the whole way to Jack and Annie's place in silence. I was pretty angry after what Freddie had said to me. Did he really think I contributed nothing when it came to caring for Hannah? I suppose I was at work a lot and Freddie was always the one who woke up with Hannah when she had nightmares. The more I thought about it the more it brought up my insecurities. I was always insecure of the fact that Freddie is more nurturing than I am. What made it worse was now Freddie saw it too. I suppose I was at work pretty often. Freddie was always the one that got Hannah ready for school in the morning, dropped her off, and picked her up. Maybe Freddie was right, maybe I had to pick up some slack when it came to caring for Hannah.

After what felt like an eternity of a car ride we finally arrived at Jack and Annie's house. Emily met us there and walked us in. The second we walked up to the doorway, Annie opened the door and Hannah ran into our arms. "She's been so excited today, she couldn't wait to see you," Annie said to me. "Oh darling, I'm so happy to see you, we've missed you so much," Freddie said as he hugged Hannah. Unsurprisingly, Hannah noticed right away that something was off between Freddie and I. "What's wrong?" She asked nervously. "Nothing, nothing at all love, Daddy and Papa are just a bit tired is all," I comforted her. "But not too tired to come and see you!" Freddie said as he picked her up and make her laugh. "Daddy, Papa, do you know when I can come home yet?" Hannah asked hopefully. "I'm afraid not princess," Freddie said to her solemnly. Hannah looked devastated and began to tear up. "Oh I know sweetheart, I know. But we are doing everything we can to bring you home soon darling," Freddie said and he held her close.

Freddie and I spent some time with Hannah in the living room while Jack, Annie, and Emily stayed in the kitchen. Hannah was updating us on everything; she went on about what was happening at school and at Jack and Annie's house. She told us how much she missed us and how badly she wanted to see Juliet. Freddie stayed with Hannah while I stepped out to use the bathroom for a second. On my way out of the bathroom Annie pulled me aside. "Are you sure everything is okay? You both just look a little stressed." Annie said. I paused for a moment as I was at a loss what to say. I didn't want to tell her the entire truth as I wasn't sure I could fully trust that she wouldn't tell the defense. "It's just the stress of the trial, it wasn't easy sitting through everyone dragging us through the mud," I responded. "Of course, of course. I didn't mean to sound incentive," Annie replied nervously. "No, no, I understand. You were just concerned," I tried to ease her nerves. "Jack and I plan on testifying on your behalf. She belongs with you and Freddie. Everyday she asks when she can go home. She's such a different person when you both are around. When she sees you she lights up. But when you leave, that light in her eyes is gone. She just looks so sad and miserable. I can't think how anyone would think she would be better off without you and Freddie," Annie said. "I appreciate you saying that and you being willing to testify. We just miss her so much, our home feels so empty without her," I said. "I can't even begin to imagine what you two are going through. If Jack and I can do anything at all to get Hannah home faster please just let us know. We are more than willing to help," Annie said. "Thank you, I would love to talk more but I need to get back to Hannah," I said. "Oh, of course," Annie replied.

Freddie and I spend more time with Hannah until unfortunately it was time to go. Emily was always the one to break it to Hannah. We all agreed that it would be better that way so Hannah wouldn't have any negative feelings towards, Freddie, Annie, Jack, or I. Every time Emily announced that it was the end of a visit, Hannah always grasped on to Freddie or I. She would refuse to let go and Jack would have to pry her off of us. Except this time Freddie wouldn't let go of her. The more Jack tried to pull her off, the tighter Freddie held her. "Freddie, it's time to go," I said as I laid my hand on his shoulder. "Daddy don't let go," Hannah cried. I saw the tears forming in Freddie's eyes. "It's time to go now. Hannah, Daddy and Papa will see you next week," I said.  But Freddie still held on to her tightly. "Fred, we don't need to make this any harder on her," I whispered in his ear. Freddie gave Hannah a kiss on her head and then reluctantly let go of her. Jack gently pulled Hannah off which made Hannah scream hysterically. Both Freddie and I looked in horror and Hannah was sobbing and screaming for us. Emily escorted us away as quickly as she could and before I knew it we were outside the house. I could still hear Hannah's screams as we made our way to the car. Once we got inside the car, Freddie looked at me with tear filled eyes. "Alan, I can't do this. Don't you understand, not only did you go behind my back when you talked to Hannah's mother, you made it easier for them to take her away. What if we don't get her back," Freddie said to me desperately. I wanted to say so many things to comfort him like, "I won't let that happen," or "I promise everything will be alright," but that didn't seem like it would be fitting at the moment. "I'm sorry," was all I could bring myself to say to him. "I'm so sorry Freddie." "Alan, promise me you're going to fix this. Promise me you're going to do everything you can to bring her home," Freddie cried. "I promise I will fight with everything I have in me and more to bring Hannah home," I told him as I embraced him in my arms.