His Princess, Without Him [Book 2]

#34 Even More Complicated

RECAP:

"I think it would be better for everybody if we broke up, no more pain, no more guilt... I'm sorry but this probably is the only way for all of us to be happy again."

Niall's P.O.V.

"No Emma, breaking up won't make this any easier!" I said both angry and shocked. She was willing to just give it all up, because she felt sorry for me, for herself!?

"Breaking up is like walking away from the problems. Problems we can't walk away from because we will always carry it with us. You lost... We lost our baby, there is no way we will get over this if we are not together Emma!" I looked her straight in the eyes and when she wanted to turn her head away from me I held her chin to make her keep looking at me.

"Niall-" I directly interupted her. "No Em, I am not finished and you have to hear me out. I love you, I love you more than anything else and I will not watch you suffer without suffering myself too. If you are hurt, so am I and I had hoped you would understand it by now." she tried to turn her head from me again as I saw new tears forming but I wasn't ready to stop yet.

"We are gonna get trough this and it will take time, months, maybe even years, but we will get trough this, if we are together." I felt tears coming up in my eyes too, losing my baby and Emma on the same day would be too much. If that would happen I could just already kill myself because what was left to live for for me? Nothing.

I had already lost Lauren and Emma was the ony way to get her back to our family. If Emma left me I would lose Lauren and Emma both, and lets not forget that I would have no one to talk to, to help me get over the fact that I had lost my unborn baby before I even knew he or she existed.

"And if you don't want me anymore I understand, I understand I am a shitty boyfriend and that you can get so much better but you just told me, like ninety minutes ago, that you were willing to one day become my wife. Please don't let this feeling of guilt overshadow your feeling of love for me, for us." I cubbed her cheeks softly and stared in her eyes.

"Don't give up on us. Don't give up and I promise you we will get a family, a family at the right time and I will do whatever you want to to make sure you are happy and willing to stick by my side for as long as we live." I whisper and kiss her forhead softly.

"Niall, I ruin everything... I make you feel misserable,-"

"No! You make me feel loved, truly loved for who I am, not for who everybody thinks I am." I say and hug her tightly.
"I love you princess, more than I love myself and I can't lose you..." I said again and finally felt her body relaxing.

"I love you too Niall... But I also hate myself and I hate you and I hate the world... Why did I deserve this? Why is my baby taken away from me?!" She screamed and sobbed loudly while I did nothing but rub her back, giving her the chance to get it all out again.

Where the tears at the pool had been sad tears, there were angry tears and I deserved all of them directed at me.

"Why did you not notice I left like shit for weeks!? Why did no one notice it... Doesn't anyone love me enough to notice I was on the edge of breaking down for weeks?! No one asked if something was wrong, no one wondered if I had some shit going on, not even you Niall... You are the one who is supposed to watch over me the most and you didn't." She was right, I had failed her but it still hurt to hear her say it straight in my face.

"Emma I know, I feel like shit for not noticing believe me... I won't ever fail you like this again, but please, don't leave me." I knew this was important, this could make or break us.

We would either come out of this stronger than ever, stronger than we could have ever been, or we would come out sepperately. Both broken and alone to face what we had been through together, but never quite being able to fix this feeling of loss and love at the same time.