Sarah always hated the smell of hospitals. The white walls and lab coats hurt her eyes, and she had to squint her way through. Wow, she thought. Who lit the dumpster fire? Hospitals reminded her of her own childhood when she was diagnosed with chronic night sweats. That day changed her life forever. She remembered the good old days when she could wake up without drenched sheets and a moist, moist forehead.
She moved through the hospital as quick as she could, haunted by the memory of her diagnosis. Finally, she found the room that Ted lay broken in. She took her gum out of her mouth, stuck it on the wall, rolled her eyes, and opened the door handle. Eerie music played on an old record player, and the singer wailed a melancholy tune. Both Cohen and Ted immediately started staring at her, bug-eyed.
"Ah, Sarah," Cohen sneered. "You're finally here." Sarah looked around, before pointing at the record player. Sarah didn't know what it was, because she was used to music coming out of her 2016 Macbook or her iPhone Xs.
Ted's machines beeped and hummed, and finally, he responded after coughing heavily. "It's a record player, sweet Sarah... It reminds me of the old days... Before lizard people were banned in this country." Ted wheezed.
"Oh." Is all Sarah said. "K. So what's wrong with you fattie?"
"I have mesothelioma," Ted coughed out. "Also..." he began, throwing the sheets off of his bed. "I've had six toes amputated. I'm also missing one of my lungs, like I actually lost it. The doctor's think I may have pooped it out, but they're not really sure. I mean, I guess an organ harvester could've come and got it in my sleep, because I require heavy sleeping pills to even close my eyes, but-" Ted was interrupted by Cohen.
"Ted baby, stop talking about your organs. Sweet Sarah here doesn't wanna hear it."
At this point, Sarah was thoroughly confused. She didn't really know why she was here, and frankly she was regretting it. "Okay y'all, tell me why I'm here." Sarah said, nervously.
Cohen sighed. "Because... It's Teddy's birthday party, and he wanted you here... He wants to hear your beautiful voice sing happy Birthday to him."
Sarah was a little creeped out. She barely knew Ted Cruz. The only thing she knew about him was that he stole her mans. "I don't know the words to Happy Birthday," Sarah said quietly. It was true, she only knew the words to one song, and that was Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande.
"Ooh sweet sarah, that's ok," Ted wheezes through the oxygen mask. "That's not all we want from you."
Sarah froze. This was a trap! Her Kim possible instincts kicked in, and sarah looked around wildly for any funny business. She raised her arms ready for combat, but suddenly the lights turned off.
"Get her, Teddy!" Cohen yelled.
Sarah started wheezing as she kicked wildly at anyone who came near her. While she kicked, Ted grabbed her leg and started taking off her shoe.
"What the frick Ted?" Sarah screamed.
Sarah elbowed the senator right in his noggin. He let out a long hiss, and screamed into the heavens. She was caught off guard by this. Suddenly, she felt a cloth rag around her mouth.
"Shut up ugly, it's chloroform time..." Cohen said manically.
And then the world went dark.
