A love to die for.

Chapter 23: Il est éntre dans mon coeur.

I never thought that the boy I loved was the one I would bury first. I had never attended a funeral before Jacksons. Now, today, here in France, it is time for Austins funeral. My second funeral ever and again another boyfriend that Ive lost. If you had told me 2 years ago that I would have both of my two future boyfriends get murdered, and probably because the murderer is in love with me, I would have laughed at you. Hard. But life can be a bitch sometimes. And so, its the truth. My two boyfriends have been murdered by someone whos in love with me.

Lorenzo, Nick and I are waiting for the ceremony to start and are seated one bench behind

Austins family. Nick came to accompany us and to try and get some more clues about the case. But mostly to support me. Lorenzo came, of course, because Austin was one of his greatest friends. Its still so weird to talk, or think, about Austin in the past tense. It has only been 4 or 5 months that Ive known Austin, but we got close so quickly. He really understood me and gave me the time to process everything with Jackson. And now? Now I need time to process his death. Life can be unfair sometimes.

I check for the last time if my phone is really turned off and wipe my sweaty hands on my black dress. The priest comes out of nowhere and starts the ceremony by welcoming us all. A tear falls on my hand as he continues his speech.

Another tear falls on my hand and soon my hand is completely wet. My other hand follows as the ceremony continues. I feel Nick move next to me and I wonder why, but then he wipes my hands dry with his pocket square. Our eyes meet. In mine probably complete brokenness. In his, a mixture of guilt, sadness, sorrow and pity and maybe even more. He lets his pocket square stay on my lap and I thankfully use it during the entire rest of the ceremony to dry my endless stream of tears.

It takes a whole lot before the ceremony has ended. Or maybe it feels like that since its entirely in French. And when it does, it ends with Austins favourite guilty pleasure song; La vie en rose.

He used to tell me that he thought that was the most romantic song ever. It took a while before he would admit to me that this was his favourite song of all time. Its not because Im French. It is because it truly is the greatest song of all time, containing the most romantic words ever written. He would tell me. He couldnt sing at all, but sometimes he would hum the song quietly during class. His face containing the greatest smile possible. Which would turn into red cheeks when he noticed that I watched him.

The song ends sooner then I want, and everyone makes a line waiting to get to Austins lifeless body lying in its coffin. Sybil? Lorenzo whispers at me when he sees that I havent stand up yet. I look up at him and notice that he has been shedding some tears too, during the ceremony.

I take his hand with my shaking fingers and make myself to stand up and stand in line with him. That was his favourite song. I whisper more to myself than anyone else. What? Lorenzo asks confused. I look up at him. La vie en rose. The song they just played. It was his guilty pleasure. His favourite song of all time. He trusted you with things that he didnt even trust me with. He frowns. I immediately feel guilty. Im sorry. I didnt mean to upset you even more. I tell him honest. He loved you, Sybil. Sharing his favourite guilty pleasure with you comes with the package. The best friend package involves other things that you might not know. He gives me a small smile. Its a sad one, but still. Its a smile. Im really glad were in this together. When Jackson died I was quite lonely. Other than my family and later Nick, I didnt have anyone to talk about it which made it even harder to process. He squeezed my hand in a reassuring way. Ive got you. He whispers. I nod with a thankful smile. Lorenzo lets go of my hand as its our turn to walk to Austins coffin.