Living without Us (Living Series 1)

Prologue

I was just watching him packing his clothes. I was just sitting at the edge of our bed watching him.

"Do you really need to do this? We've done so far, love."

Hindi siya sumagot, abala lang ito sa pag-iimpake. He didn't even looked at me for a second.

"Saan ba ko nagkulang? Tell me. Oras ba? Nawawalan ba ko ng oras sa 'yo? I'm sorry I need to gain money for us to live--"

"What are you trying to say now, Jushel? Na todo kayod ka para sa 'tin? Na palamunin lang ako sa pamamahay na 'to?"

"N-no, hindi 'yon ang ibig kong sabi-"

"That's how it sounds like, Jushel!" He yelled at me, he yelled at me for the first time.

"A-akala ko ba hanggang dulo, Vincent?" I swallowed hard, pinipigilang tumulo ang luha.

"Nasa dulo na tayo, Jushel." He said in a cold voice before zipping his bag.

"You can't leave me alone in this house, Vincent. You said you love me, remember? Magpapakasal pa tayo 'di ba?" I tried to reach his hand but he stepped backward.

"I just realized it, Jushel. I'm not happy anymore." He said, looking into my eyes.

"And you suddenly felt that in other woman." my tears are started to flow.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling guilty.

"Vincent, mahal mo ko 'di ba?" I cupped his face and he let me do it. "Kasi ako mahal na mahal kita." I saw him swallowed before looking away and slowly pushed me.

"I don't love you anymore, Jushel." He said, straight to my eyes. Without even blinking, without even hesitating. He said that like he was so sure about it.

"Who then?" I pursed my lips, pinipigilan ang sarili kong humagulgol.

I felt like something bumped onto my chest, something's heavy inside of me. I was just staring at him waiting to answer a question that may break me into pieces.

"You don't need to know-"

"Is it her?" I clench my fist. "The girl you always talk through your phone? The girl who always sending you a messages? Inaalok ka sa kung anu-anong business to make some excuse-"

"Yes," my fist went like a dead flower. Nanghina ang tuhod ko nang makita ang walang emosyon nitong mga mata. "It's her, Jushel. That's why I'm leaving. Hindi na 'ko masaya sa piling mo, wala na kong maramdamang kahit ano towards you, wala na kahit isa, Jushel. So don't fucking asked me why am I doing this, kasi Jushel sawang-sawa na 'ko! Hayaan mo 'kong umalis sa pamamahay na 'to!" He heavily sighed  before massaging the bridge of his nose. "So please, let me out." He said, trying to please me using his eyes.

"I love you," I said when he suddenly walk away with his luggage. "Vincent, I love you so much!" I shouted but he didn't stop.

Agad akong tumakbo pababa para sundan siya, I tried to stop him by hugging him behind.

"Fuck, Jushel! Just let me go! I'm so tired of you!" Marahas niyang tinanggal ang yakap ko sa kaniya dahilan para sumalampak ako sa sahig.

"H'wag mo namang gawin sa 'kin 'to, Vincent. Parang awa mo na." I even kneeled in front of him while I'm holding his hand.

"I'm sorry," he gently removed my hand, "nasa dulo na tayo, Jushel. Katulad nga ng sinabi ko." Nakayuko lang ako, pero ramdam ko ang paglakad nito palayo.

Ilang lunok ang nagawa ko bago tuluyang napaupo sa sahig sa sobrang panghihina.

"Fuck!" I slammed the floor, it hurt but I don't care.

Halos sa kaniya na umikot ang mundo ko, he was my everything. I even choose to be with him than staying at my own house with my family. Pero siguro nga tama siya, nasa dulo na nga siguro kami. May dulo nga talagang tinatawag. Ito pala 'yung dulong sinasabi nila. It can break you into pieces.

Ganoon ba talaga? Kapag hindi kana masaya sa taong mahal mo, hahanapin mo na sa iba? Hahanapin mo sa iba 'yung saya na hinahanap mo? Hindi pa ba sapat 'yung 'mahal kita' para maging masaya? Hindi pa ba sapat 'yung makasama ka para maging masaya?

Dahil kung kasiyahan lang ang hanap mo sa pag-ibig, then you're just making it as a hobby.